Have you ever wondered where Buddha found the time to contemplate his navel? How Thoreau was able to enjoy the beauty and serenity of Walden Pond? So have I! What a coincidence.
However,
I think I’ve come up with a somewhat plausible theory: they mastered the fine
art of vegging-out. Oh yes, there is an
art. This art takes much practice in
order to become an Adept Veg, and I say this with three years of continuous
vegging experience under my belt.
There
are two distinct phases that must be
completed before you can say that you have successfully vegged-out.
1.
Planning
2.
Enjoyment
The
harder you work on the first the less you have to work on the second. Both of these phases come together to help
even the most uptight person to loosen up.
That’s
where the Planning phase comes in.
Contrary to popular belief you do
need to plan, especially if you want a successful Veg-Fest. Now there will be people who will tell you
that they didn’t need to plan to veg-out, but I know they did. Even if they didn’t know it themselves. Heck, they may have even used the
phrase, "I plan to veg-out this
weekend.”
To
me, one of the most important features to vegging-out is the complete lack of
responsibility. Think about it, nothing
hampers your vegging experience more than worrying about your Algebra
homework. I mean the whole point to
vegging-out is to preserve what precious little sanity you have left.
So
the very first thing you must do is to secure a day or two away from school
and/or work. In other words you must
absolve yourself of any responsibility to the rest of the world and revel in
your animal instinct to be lazy.
So
run all your errands, finish your homework, return all your library books,
unless you plan to read them (for entertainment purposes only), and make sure
that you pay the cable bill. For
nothing is more of a bummer than missing out on that all new episode of Singled
Out because your cable or satellite company felt underpaid.
Next
you must make sure everyone knows, family and friends included, that unless
someone is dead or close to death you are not to be disturbed in any way,
shape, or form. As added protection you
might consider turning off the ringer to your phone just in case some miffed
telemarketers are on the rampage. One
last suggestion, that will prove invaluable if you live in an apartment, is to
place a warning on your door from the Health Department saying that anyone disturbing
your solitude with meet with a violent, if not messy, death.
The
final thing you must do is to secure entertainment, maybe rent a couple movies
or play solitaire. Personally, I
suggest Surrealist games such as “Naked Man Running Through a House.” It’s a fun game because you make up the rules
as you go along, and it’s a lot easier than trying to play Twister alone.
The
second phase is enjoyment. All you need
do is that, enjoy the silence (or the noise in your head). With the Planning phase out of the way you
now have the time, like Buddha and Thoreau, to contemplate Walden Pond or enjoy
the beauty of your navel.
Now
this process may seem long and involved but a majority of the preparation can
be done in as little as an hour.
Besides, the more you plan, the more unproductive your vegging
experience will be. Remember there are
no rules and no responsibilities, so make the most of your veg-out time by
lying on the couch drooling contentedly.
Don’t
forget! The Art of Vegging-Out takes
much practice. So stop thinking about how many vacation days
you have saved up and use’em!