MERRY NO�L
by
ROGER IVERSON
Copyright � 2003 by Roger Iverson
4418 North 32nd Street
Tacoma, Washington 98407
(253) 759-0786
[email protected]
MERRY is a woman in her mid sixties who lives alone. She is clever and theatrical, changing from wild to sweet in a moment, a counselor, challenging and slightly insane.
NOEL, in his mid 30s, is married with two boys, somewhat darling and overly proper. He owns a small antique shop in the town�s fashionable district and lives nearby. He is proud of his accomplishments. Kind but proud.
MIEN Late 40s. Hard working, focused on his family. He and his family are immigrants from an eastern country.
CHANTHA Mid 40s. Mien�s wife who enjoys her life in America.
SAMNANG a young teenager who is embarrassed by his/her parents inability to fully Americanize.
JOE late 30s and thoughtful. Able to glimpse a person�s problems. Lost.
SHEPHERD 1 Late 30s. He is a confused cop.
SHEPHERD 2 Early 20s. His confusion has made him scared.
~���~
The MIENs should just speak the words, trippingly on the tong, without accent.
Each supporting character is demure and naive about their place in the play.
The setting is in MERRY�S front yard where it looks like Jesus and Santa crashed and exploded. Anything having to do with Christmas is hung, stuck, stapled, taped, stretched, propped or plastered over the yard. Extension cables abound. There is no pattern to the mess, yet somehow it looks beautiful. Her house glows from off stage.
It is a hot evening on July the sixth.
For
Edward Roe and
Ralph Gehrke:
Patient Saints
Thank you:
Philip Nesvig
Michael Poellet
Everyone who does dark deeds hates
the light, and will not come into the light
for fear that his deeds will be exposed.
John 3:20
(The stage is dark. O LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM plays over scratchy speakers, interrupted by the whistling, booming sound of fireworks. Lights come up reveling MERRY, outside, amidst a landfill of Christmas decorations. Her house is OFF STAGE from which lights shine. MERRY tinkers on one of many baby Jesus who sputters with light and goes out three or four times. Shaking, she gets electrocuted.)
MERRY
Oww! Little bastard!� (She begins to kick the plastic baby but stops to laugh.) Bastard! Get it? You are a bastard! (That Jesus lights up�) Thank you Heaven!! (�but all the rest, including the music, go out.) Oh, Hell.
NOEL
(Enters. Searching.)
Excuse me, Ma�am� Is this 1520?
MERRY
No!
NOEL
�1520 Wittenberg, I mean?
MERRY
What�s your purpose!
(NOEL begins to exit off opposite side of stage.)
NOEL
I am sorry� Are you Mrs. Merry Maker�?
MERRY
I just got the Bejesus shocked out of me and I ain�t mak�n no converts just now. Come back later�
NOEL
I have been sent by the Council to�
MERRY
Council!
NOEL
Yes. Forgive me. My name is Noel. Noel Crux� Mrs. Maker? I was sent by the Council to�
MERRY
What �council?�
NOEL
Our Neighborhood Council. I�m your newly elected official and I�m afraid I�m officially here� On official business, I mean.
MERRY
How officious�
NOEL
I own the antique shop over on Proctor and�
MERRY
Ain�t buying no antiques.
NOEL
No�
MERRY
Just keep mov�n �cause I ain�t buy�n.
NOEL
That is not why I am here. I am sorry. . Let me start over�
MERRY
You talk. I�ll tinker.
(MERRY continues to work on her display.)
NOEL
Where do I begin?
MERRY
Start at the start or start down the street.
NOEL
Yes, ma�am. After collage, I wanted�
MARRY
Keep it short or I�ll give you a start.
NOEL
Yes, Ma�am. I have sent you�
MERRY
You a smart college boy?
NOEL
�I have a masters in business from the University of Puget Sound...
MERRY
My daughter was an art major at Pacific Lutheran. Got anything against P.L.U?
NOEL
No. Not a thing.
MERRY
You are smart.
NOEL
I have sent you letters, Mrs. Maker and you haven�t�
MERRY
You might as well quit with that Mrs. crap. There ain�t no mister so I can�t be no Mrs. What�s your name?
NOEL
(Overlapping)
Noel. Noel Crux. The first letter I sent was on�
MERRY
Now that�s a nice name. Suits you just fine. (Pronouncing his name with two syllables,) No�l. Your mamma and daddy must been proud of you, naming you No�l.
NOEL
Actually just one syllable, Merry. Noel.
MERRY
One name I can�t stand is Jesus. It�s a Spaniard name, Jesus. It means Jesus, as in Christ? Don�t you think that�s terrible pretentious, No�l?
NOEL
No, no. It is just Noel, like hole or mole� Noel.
MERRY
I catch wind of someone�s name being Jesus and I drop to kiss their feet. You should see the looks I get! �When you sign your name, do you put them two little dots above the �e�?
NOEL
No. You misunderstand. My name is�
MERRY
Well you should. Imagine having a beautiful looking and sounding name�
NOEL
Listen, Ms. Maker�
MERRY
The name�s Merry! Damn glad to meet you.
NOEL
Listen, Merry� This is my first time going out like this and...
MERRY
Take your time. I�m hangin� on every word you say, No�l.
NOEL
�Thank you... I have sent you many letters and, according to my records, you have never�
MERRY
Don�t read �em! You thirsty?
NOEL
You don�t read your mail?
MERRY
Not if I don�t ask for it.
NOEL
But nobody asks for mail.
MERRY
Then nobody should read it. Want some tea?
NOEL
What do you do with it?
MERRY
�I pour it in a cup and drink it, Young Man.
NOEL
No. I mean your mail. What do you do with your mail?
MERRY
Box it.
NOEL
You throw away unopened mail?
MERRY
Your college degree�s a mite dull. I said I box my mail� You know, put it up. Like cannin� tomatoes. You thirsty yet?
NOEL
But I have sent important court papers that specifically state�
MERRY
Tell me, Young Man. Do you have every piece of mail ever sent you, neatly collected, tied and tucked away, by date?
NOEL
�No!
MERRY
No. You. Don�t. �Thirsty yet?
NOEL
I have sent important notices that clearly outline how you are to maintain your property in accordance with fire safety laws and�
MERRY
Would you like a nice cup of Christmas Tea?�
NOEL
Safety and respect for your neigh� Pardon me?
MERRY
Christmas Tea?
NOEL
�no. No! No, thank you. I was sent by the Council, your Council, to talk to you, Ms. sorry� Merry. To talk to you about your house and how� Well, how awful everything looks. Now I�m sorry for saying...
MERRY
I agree with you there, Young Man. This is awful!
NOEL
You agree?
MERRY
Hell yes, I agree! My beautiful daughter helped me put some of this up and every time I look at the flashy colors in the European crystal, some of these things is European crystal you know, every time I see these plastic Santa�s elves bringing gifts to Little Baby Jesus and those glow-in-the-dark praying hands for Santa�s halo� I am Full-Of-Awe at God�s greatness.
NOEL
That is a different awful than what I...
MERRY
Ain�t she awe-full? Don�t she just take your breath clean away!
NOEL
That�s exactly why I�ve come. You see�
MERRY
But you really can�t appreciate it during daylight. Have you beheld it at night, No�l?
NOEL
�Yes.
MERRY
A sight, if I do say. I make sure and push all them plugs in each and every evening, to get folks into the Christmas spirit. Just working on that now�
NOEL
But there, right there. Stop just for one minute. �Stop� �Christmas Spirit?� You see, that is the problem, Merry. It�s July. This is July sixth and there is no Christmas Spirit. I mean, we just had fireworks, Merry.
MERRY
�You need some Christmas Tea, don�t you? I�ll get us some nice, hot�
NOEL
No. I do not want� Listen, Merry. I�m here now to see if we can�t work something out. Before the others arrive... The City Council got complaints so they dumped it in the Neighborhood Council�s lap and the Neighborhood Council dumped it in my lap, because I�m new, I guess.
MERRY
Ain�t no bother, Young Man. Got it right here. Make yourself useful. (Hands NOEL a large Thermos.) Now, let me see� Where�d them cups get to?
NOEL
Merry. I have no time to sit and�
MERRY
Found �em!
(MERRY goes to a Christmas decoration; a softball sized Styrofoam ball about which the bottoms of many paper coffee cups are taped. Removing two, she blows into a dusty one and spits into the other, rubbing it �clean�. She hands that one to NOEL all while humming The First No�l.)
NOEL
Actually, that is not necessary. Merry� I would rather not.
MERRY
Oh yes you would.
NOEL
(As MERRY pours.)
No. Really! Please? I� I thank you.
MERRY
You�re welcome. Would you like some beef jerky?
(Enter MIEN, CHANTHA and SAMNANG.)
MIEN
How you do? You have lovely light!
CHANTHA
We nearby and see beautiful glow�
MIEN
And follow light here.
SAMNANG
A little over the top, isn�t it Ma?
MIEN
No, no. Beautiful�
CHANTHA
Lovely!
MERRY
You folks want a closer look?
MIEN
Thank you so much. My name, Mien. This wife, Chantha Mien. That son, Samnang Mien. Mien family think you do beautiful work with light.
MERRY
You�re so kind.
MIEN
Please, may we take photo?
MERRY
Take all you want! Can I bring you some tea?
MIEN
Thank you, no. We just eat. (Taking pictures.)
SAMNANG
You�ll have to excuse my parents. They saw your lights and think it must be Christmas.
NOEL
It�s not Christmas.
SAMNANG
I know that! But all they can say is, �Christmas on way� Christmas come soon.� They�re suddenly possessed!
MERRY
Where you folks from?
MIEN
We come from far away�
CHANTHA
We three come from East. �East Thirty-eight Street and McKinley Avenue.
NOEL
You mean across town?
MIEN
Yes. East Side... Your light wonderful. Why no one else have light?
NOEL
Christmas is over.
CHANTHA and MIEN
It Over?!
SAMNANG
I�ve been tell�n you two�
CHANTHA
Lady, you know what date is?
MERRY
Hell no. I�m retired.
MIEN
Can we pay money for photo?
MERRY
No�
CHANTHA
You like incense?
MERRY
Really, it�s OK�
MIEN
I have liquid for embalming corpse!
SAMNANG
DAD!
MERRY
�No. Thanks just the same.
MIEN
We travel off.
CHANTHA
Night still young. Come Samnang. (To MIEN.) You have my cigarette?
MIEN
Your cigarette? (Exit.)
CHANTHA
My Camels! I need Camels for long trip to East side! (Exit.)
SAMNANG
I�m really sorry about this. Back in the old country they were collage professors. Now they scrub schools at night. Man! Move to America and �So Long Sanity!� (Exit.)
MERRY
Collage professors? Those are three wise Mien.
NOEL
Does that happen often?
MERRY
Not quite like that. (Offering NOEL his cup of tea.) Would you? Could you?
NOEL
What?
MERRY
Want your tea here or there?
NOEL
I do not want it here. I do not want it there. �I do not want it anywhere.
MERRY
No tea?
NOEL
I�d rather�
MERRY
You�re not going to insult an old lady, are you? A little old lady who votes for councilmen.
NOEL
�No. No, I�ll not insult you. (Tentatively, NOEL smells his drink, then breathes deeply.) I�ve smelled this before, somewhere. What kind of tea is this?
MERRY
Taste it to find out.
(NOEL drinks first a sip then a gulp.)
NOEL
Oh my! This is one strong cup of tea, Merry.
MERRY
Thank you.
NOEL
Strong, but good. Evaporates in my mouth.
MERRY
Warms up the spirit, I say�
NOEL
There�s something else, though� I�ve had this before.
MERRY
It�s my own recipe. Christmas Tea, I call it.
NOEL
What�s that taste! This is� Very good, Merry.
MERRY
No�l, Thank you.
NOEL
It�s. There�s something� Strong.
MERRY
That�s the booze.
NOEL
You put alcohol in?
MERRY
Sacrilegious, ain�t it. I slipped you a Mickey.
NOEL
My lips are getting warm�
MERRY
Makes the tea stand up and say, �How do you do!�
NOEL
(Breathing his tea deeply in then sipping.)
Lace� Aunt Dot�
MERRY
How�s that?
NOEL
That�s where I�ve had this before. My Great Aunt Dot used to mix cognac in her tea. She used a lot more tea, though� Every time I. Can I tell you something?
MERRY
Most people do about now.
NOEL
No I mean, something personal.
MERRY
I know.
NOEL
(Breathing in the tea.)
Once a year we�d go to my Great Aunt�s house, on Christmas Eve before church �
MERRY
Something to build on...
NOEL
She�d have these little Norwegian cookies laid out on doilies. My favorite were these, I never could say the name right, but they were these round things. Like lace, powdered with sugar. We�d eat dessert there before going to midnight service�
MERRY
Fine lady�
NOEL
We�d each get a candle in church and sing Christmas hymns. The First No�l was my favorite. Pastor Roe would read the Christmas story� From Matthew, I think?
MERRY
Luke. �And in that region there were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night��
NOEL
Yeah. Shepherds abiding�.
MERRY
(To herself, as NOEL speaks.)
�And the glory of the Lord shone round about them. And they were sore afraid. And the angel said to them, �Fear not for I bring you good news of great joy which will come to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.� �
NOEL
Then we�d light our candles and sing The First No�l there, in the dark. The candle light flickered on faces, making them sacred and warm. And just then, at that moment came ecstatic beauty, sitting in the dark, watching the pastor�s daughters faces flicker, singing The First No�l. Seems like centuries past�
MERRY
Don�t have to be�
NOEL
Our church was shaped in a cross and we�d see everyone. Even now I see each candle lit face, shining in the dark like; Like a Rembrandt. (�Chuckles.) �Sorry. I�m not the best sentimentalist.
MERRY
Shining in the dark is what a sentimentalist does best.
NOEL
But those were good times. (NOEL sips his tea)
MERRY
You still go?
NOEL
Where?
MERRY
Church.
NOEL
No.
MERRY
Poor Aunt Dot�
NOEL
My wife thinks we should. Says it�s for the kids. But I think she has other thoughts. I don�t need a particular building to be with God.
MERRY
Ohhh. A homeless Christian. �Better known as a hypocrite.
NOEL
Real hypocrites go to church.
MERRY
We don�t become perfect in church. We become Christian� Followers. Tryers. Re-creaters. �All you need is some good scrubbing out, No�l. Some Sanctifyin��
NOEL
Hey, I don�t steal or kill or smoke. And until a few minutes ago, I didn�t drink.
MERRY
You�ve never stolen the heart of a beautiful woman when your wife wasn�t looking? Or competed with someone so hard that you killed �em? Ever send someone�s dreams up in smoke?
NOEL
It�s supposed to be happy, isn�t it? I mean, shouldn�t I just�
MERRY
How can you be happy with a belly full of sand?
NOEL
But I mean Christmas�
MERRY
Don�t you know? Christmas leads to the Cross.
NOEL
And look where that lead.
MERRY
To Easter!
NOEL
Ears are hot! Lips. Can�t feel my lips!
MERRY
It�s a sign! One of two things: Either that�s the Holy Spirit fighting off the Devil�
NOEL
Or what else?
MERRY
Or else you can�t hold your liquor.
(MERRY drinks. NOEL follows.)
NOEL
As nice as this is� Please, Merry. We�ve got to talk.
MERRY
Would you like some beef jerky with that cognac?
NOEL
No thanks.
MERRY
You almost loosened up there, No�l. Almost made it. Take off that coat and lose the tie. Your head looks like a purple balloon about to explode.
NOEL
It is hot out. Dang wool suit. I wasn�t sure what you�d be like.
(MERRY takes NOEL�s coat off him.)
MERRY
Now you see I�m just a defenseless old maid. Can�t do a thing� Without my walker. (Nods to an old walker holding up a lit plastic Santa.) Care for some brownies?
NOEL
Brownies! (Chuckles.) No thank you. Who knows what�s in those.
MERRY
�No!� Not these.
NOEL
Merry, what are we going to do about your yard?
MERRY
No beating around the wreath with you.
NOEL
(Increasingly agitated through these lines.)
We�re wasting time. People think your place looks trashy.
MERRY
You think I think about what people think?
NOEL
What?
MERRY
Do I give a rat�s rump what The Hypocrites say?
NOEL
But you turn night into day.
MERRY
Exactly right!
NOEL
Your neighbors can�t get to sleep!
MERRY
Everyone who does dark deeds hates the light.
NOEL
It�s not Christmas time, Merry!
MERRY
I�m trying to fix that.
NOEL
But this is a garbage heap! It�s ugly! This is an ugly mess!! (Pause. Increasingly vindictive.) People make fun of you, Merry. They call you names. Say you�re crazy and you don�t belong here. That you�re dangerous. No one likes this. No one gets your message. And you convert no one� You�re a laughing stock and people� Pretty much despise you.
(Merry goes to her front door where a little glowing angel hovers.)
MERRY
This Guardian Angel was the first thing put...
NOEL
(Gathering his things. Starting to leave.)
What a waste of time�
MERRY
My daughter helped me�
NOEL
(Exiting.)
She crazy too?! Like her mother?
MERRY
She ain�t crazy, No�l. She�s dead.
NOEL
(Stops short of leaving.)
What?
MERRY
She, I don�t use her name out loud any more� She drove down the mountain but a dump truck was goin� up� I sent her with white knee-high socks that afternoon� But even them. Even her socks turned red. Well, my damn husband gave right up. Just quit. He. Turned hollow... I started to wrap myself up in a cocoon of sickness. Loved hating myself. others, �God. But not my Dear Daughter! To her I clung and with that weight, sunk. �Then, when I was near the end, something wonderful happened. Someone came after me. Crept in the cocoon with me. Wouldn�t let me keep drown�n. Faith foamed over me. And I was wooed to belief again.
NOEL
�How?
MERRY
I was on my hands and knees, weeping in the living room; praying one last time that God would take my little girl �cause I had to give her up. Out the window, in the black sky streamed a
MERRY (cont.)
brilliant shooting star. As big as a burning bush� Perfect. Clear. He had my beautiful baby. And I� I could let go of, Amelia� Amelia� (Pause.) The next day, when I remembered the star, I was overcome with joy and tears. Cocoon crumbled. I was set free with another chance� Putt stuff up next to her Angel. Just never stopped�
NOEL
You�re alone�
MERRY
God�s own are never alone. On this very sidewalk, crowds congregate and I plug in these lights and people are in awe of these awe-full decorations. I come out, slip �em a little Christmas Tea and talk. Together. They come usually to cuss at me. Sometimes throw somethin�. But they do come and that gives this old lady a chance to let God�s Glory shine. A wrinkled paper that holds a holy message. But what about you, Young Man? Who can you become? What is your purpose? �Drink up, No�l, it�s Christmas Eve and time for you to shine like a Rembrandt in the dark.
NOEL
I�ve never seen a miracle.
MERRY
(Impassioned whisper.)
We�re in the midst of miracles.
(MERRY hands NOEL her cup and, singing THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, goes back to fixing the Baby Jesus whose light is out. Enter JOE.)
JOE
(To NOEL.)
My goodness gracious! �Scuse the interruption, folks. I�m a bit lost. Look�n for the Holiday Inn� This is some get-up you got, sir.
(Staring at the angel, NOEL makes no move.)
JOE
(To MERRY.)
Am I intrudin�?
MERRY
No.
JOE
You do this by your lonesome, Ma�am?
MERRY
Merry. Had help.
JOE
Name�s Davidson. Joe Davidson. I�m up for the Craftsman Convention out at the Holiday Inn. �Course there weren�t no room in the Inn so I�m staying elsewhere�
MERRY
What do you do?
JOE
Work with wood. On my way to register but got lost. Am I headed in the right direction?
MERRY
Yes, Joe. It�s on the highway, North of town.
JOE
Thank you very much. Sorry if I cut across his grain.
MERRY
Oh, he�s all right. Just having a little epiphany.
JOE
(To himself.)�But by Grace alone. (To NOEL.) Sorry for intrud�n.
NOEL
No, no. I. Actually I�m sorry, a� What�s your first name again?
JOE
Joe. And yours?
NOEL
No�l. Noel! I mean. No... Well, I�m not certain.
JOE
How many first names you got?
NOEL
(Thinks.)
��Two.
JOE
You got kids?
NOEL
We�re blessed, with the curse of twins.
JOE
Two miracles in the same house?
NOEL
�Yeah.
JOE
Me and the wife. That is to say, we can�t have no kids. We, I mean I� I. I should be on my way, really. Thank you for the lights, Merry.
MERRY
Pleasure�s mine, Joe.
JOE
Cherish your children, Mr. Two-First-Names. (Exit.)
NOEL
This is a remarkable place you have here, Merry. Remarkable. �OK, listen. We�ve got people comin� here. Now.
MERRY
They always do.
NOEL
No. I mean other people, Merry. My people. D.S.H.S. is coming.
MERRY
�What the hell does that spell. DISHES? Dishes are coming?
NOEL
No. The Department of Social and Health Services is comin� and they�re bringing the police and the police are bringing a city garbage truck. (Pause.) And they�re coming to clean everything out, Merry. Everything.
MERRY
They can do that�?
NOEL
(He begins to straighten up the place.)
You live in the middle of a fire hazard, Merry. It�s for your own good�
MERRY
HA!
NOEL
If we could clean it up some, before the police�
MERRY
Get rid of it?
NOEL
No. Not throw anything away. Just put it up. Like cannin� tomatoes or somethin�. Straighten it!
MERRY
I�m the one who�s got it straight!
NOEL
Maybe we can get most of this stuff inside your house before they get here.
MERRY
Hell, inside the house is worse than out here�
NOEL
It might go better for you if you were helping�
MERRY
(Sitting. To herself.)
It�s not the decorations. Been meaning to change those anyway, but it�s my property! My husband died, thank God! I got this house. Ha! He got a pine box!
NOEL
Listen, Merry�
MERRY
It�s a democracy, for damn sakes! Freedom of Religion, or Freedom of Speech, or whatever the hell I�m doing here. Freedom of somthin�!
NOEL
Calm yourself, Merry. They�re due now�
MERRY
There is no reason we can�t live Christmas year round!
NOEL
I agree with you!
MERRY
You do?!
NOEL
Yes!
MERRY
�You don�t need to yell. Now we�re gettin� somewhere.
NOEL
(He stops cleaning)
It�s too late�
MERRY
It�s never too late. (The sound of a dump truck is heard, back-up warning signal, air brakes engaged, doors shutting.) Some of these things is European crystal.
NOEL
Been buying thousands of dollars worth of antiques?
MERRY
No. My dead husband�s great grandmother brought �em over from the Old Country.
NOEL
What? May I� Can I look at it?
MERRY
Goodness to Heaven. It�s right in front of you, College Boy� Ever since rats moved in, the Holy Manger of the North Pole�s been lookin� a might disreputable. Been thinking of changing the theme to Easter anyway�
NOEL
Merry� I had no idea. Some of this is authentic Victorian. �And beautiful stained glass!
MERRY
It takes scrutinizin� to find some folks� beauty.
NOEL
If we could sell this in my shop�
MERRY
Not my angel! Everything else but not my angel!
NOEL
I�ll make sure she stays right where she is. But do you �spose your neighbors would buy this stuff?
MERRY
Hell Yes! They�re all Hypocrites, ain�t they?
(Blue and red lights begin to flash off stage.)
NOEL
All of us are, Merry. But we can still serve a purpose. �Merry.
MERRY
No�l?
(Enter Officers SHEPEHERD.)
NOEL
(To OFFICERS.) Just one minute officers! Be right with you. (Taking MERRY aside.) I�ve come to a decision, standing here, talking with you.
MERRY
�Well?
NOEL
�Can�t you guess?
MERRY
This is no time for suspense, Young Man. The cops is lookin� over my brownies!
SHEPHERD 1
Folks... Excuse me. I�m Officer Shepherd, and this is also Officer Shepherd. No relation.
NOEL
Wait a minute� Just a. You�re saying� Are you telling me, you�re� Shepherds?
SHEPHERD 1
Sir. We�re Shepherds.
NOEL
Did you hear that, Merry? Shepherds! We�ve got real Shepherds!
MERRY
(Over the next few lines, MERRY pushes in plugs. Christmas lights sparkle on stage and among the AUDIENCE profusely. From OFF STAGE, her house shines intensely.)
I heard.
NOEL
(Pacing.)
Who were those first people that came? The ones that�
MERRY
I get a lot of people around�
NOEL
Those collage professors. From the East side� Mien. You said they were Three Wise Mien.
MERRY
Guess I did�
NOEL
Then came Joe, What�s-His-Name�
MERRY
Joe Davidson� Son of David.
NOEL
(Frantic, exuberant.)
Oh, My Gosh! Now Shepherds! Isn�t that perfect? I think it�s� Oh, My Gosh! You guys are perfect! (Lunging for the cops.) Just per!�
SHEPHERD 1
(With hand on his weapon.)
Stop right there, sir.
SHEPHERD 2
Stop! �Sit down! Sit! (NOEL sits.) �Cross your legs!
NOEL
(Sitting.)
What?
SHEPHERD 2
Cross your� Criss-Cross applesauce.
NOEL
(Happily obeying.)
Oh.
SHEPHERD 1
And calm yourself! (To SHEPHERD 2) What a lousy night� I�m going to be sick tomorrow. I�m calling in sick.
SHEPHERD 2
I�m going to be sick right now.
SHEPHERD 1
Shepherd, shake off your drowsy sleep! Ma�am, let me explain. We were abiding in a field�
SHEPHERD 2
Keeping watch over a flock of teenagers by night�
SHEPHERD 1
When we got a call to meet a Councilman Crux at this address. Now I don�t�
NOEL
That�s me! I�m him! That would be me. This is perfect�
SHEPHERD 1 and SHEPHERD 2
You!
SHEPHERD 2
You�re Crux?
SHEPHERD 1
Councilman Crux?
NOEL
(Arpeggio.)
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
SHEPHERD 1
(Helping NOEL up.)
We�re supposed to assist you, sir.
SHEPHERD 2
Actually, Sergeant Gabe said we�re supposed to �behold him.�
SHEPHERD 1
I know that! But who talks like that? What does that mean, �behold�?
SHEPHERD 2
�Well, I think it means to a. To observe him?
SHEPHERD 1
We�re not just going to stand around and look at him, Shepherd! We�ve got to do something! To fulfill our purpose!!
SHEPHERD 2
OK, then, a. We should. Let�s assist him.
SHEPHERD 1
I apologize, folks. We were abiding in that field a pretty long time.
SHEPHERD 2
Tell �em what we saw�.
SHEPHERD 1
I�m not talking about what we saw! Will you drop it, already!
NOEL
What! What did you see? Did you hear songs? Did the Heavens open�
SHEPHERD 1
Let it suffice to say that we were sitting out there so long that I�m Sore, he�s Afraid.
(SHEPHERD 2 vigorously nods his head yes.)
MERRY
Fear not for I bring you fresh brownies!
NOEL
No! They won�t want any of that. (To both SHEPHERDS.) Listen. I need just another minute with Merry. I�ve almost got this thing closed. Maybe you could go, I don�t know, count sheep or something.
SHEPHERD1
�A councilman with a sense of humor.
SHEPHERD 2
Miracles abound in this place!
SHEPHERD1
What a miracle!
SHEPHERD 2
What a night�
SHEPHERD1
What a place! We�ll wait in the car, Sir�
SHEPHERD 2
With The Doors Locked!
SHEPHERD 1
Lousy night. (To SHEPHERD 2.) You and your �Behold!� (Both SHEPHERDs exit.)
(MERRY kicks the speaker and THE FIRST NO� L begins to play quietly.)
NOEL
OK Merry, listen to my decision. From now on, whenever I sign my name, I�m going to put those two little dots above the �e� in No�l. �It�s kind of a Christmas present. For you.
MERRY
� Me? You�re changing your name for�
NOEL
I�m not changing my name. Just adding the two dots in my signature. No one will ever know, except you and me.
MERRY
I� It�s lovely. It�s� Thank you.
NOEL
No. Thank you. I. I�d like you to meet my wife and kids sometime if you�
MERRY
Love to.
NOEL
Really? You�ll like our baby boys. They have your same sense of decoration. But we won�t say anything about dots. You and I will just think of my name as, �No�l Crux��
MERRY
Eeyuck!
NOEL
(To off stage.)
It�s all right, Officer�
MERRY
(Overlapping.)
No! No, no, no, no, No!
NOEL
(To off stage.)
I think we�ve just reached a solution, here.
MERRY
It�s got to be No�l Cross. Think of it Young Man. �Christmas Easter!� Now that is beautiful!
NOEL
(As NOEL escorts MERRY off stage.)
One name at a time Ms. Maker.
MERRY
The name�s Merry! God Almighty you�re a stick in the mud! (Exits. From OFF STAGE.) You boys want some tea?
(THE FIRST NO� L continues, along with a smattering of fireworks, as lights fade to black. The angel remains aglow.)
~THE END~