All my lessons are authentic. They all transpired and zilch has been
embellished.

Join me now in a lesson already in progress. . .
Mouth to mouth resuscitation. Charlie had dropped Henry from the sky.
Explosions of calamitous
proportions overwhelm the battle field. Henry had fallen to
shrapnel. Continuance with the mouth
to mouth. Henry was my kid sisters first love and I had promised her
he would be coming back
home. Henry don't perish! How will I tell Half Pint? Your lifeless
body is but a memory now.
Henry has slipped into a place where I couldn't reach him. I pound
on his chest and scream in his
ear. Charlie got a good one. I was enraged and my passion to
massacre ran higher than ever. I
would have started sooner but I craved a Marlboro and salience of
silence for my broken
promise. Been in the trenches before and stared at the crudest of
men doing the raunchiest of
deeds. I had seen the cleanest of boys come to the war and come out
the bloodiest of body
chunks. Charlie was up to his old tricks and I needed to find a way
to beat him. Today's battle
had me situated in a little zone called Gonorrhea Valley. Heavily
fortified with American GI's my
job was to protect the area. Charlie as usual had a plan and on this
day would be implementing an
new war toy. Out of the yonder with guns blazing and missiles
launching the Charlies come flying
in a helicopter group of 10. No ordinary Helicopters. These ones
were fully loaded but also had
powerful magnets swinging from their undersides. What in a perfect
Hell was Charlie trying to
accomplish? My Answer came swiftly as Charlie wasted no time like a
dog chasing a vehicle
wheel's only to be crushed and smeared across the ground to help feed
maggots and sloths.
Charlie hoovered with his metallic bird of prey above the camps and
hiding areas. As the enemy
turns on the power to the magnets his plans of devastation were
unmistakable. Many of you know
that Uncle Sam placed metal plates in our foreheads so we could have
bullet proof foreheads to
help brawl in the war on rice. This tool of offensive strategies
were being used against us. Charlie
would pick up 4 to 5 American GI's by the metal plates in their
foreheads with the powerful
magnets then take them up to about 6ooo yards in the sky. I saw men
dangling and screaming.
Grown men afraid of heights with urine flailing off their dangling
bodies from the sheer terror of this
dramatic life changing event. Charlie was a very sinister enemy as
he then used the GI's as human
splat bombs by turning off the magnets over strategic places and
bombing away. I saw GI's on the
ground being bombed by falling GI's from the sky. I saw bridges and
out houses splattered and
wrecked by falling GI's. I had to revenge Henry's death for my
sisters sake. I did what I had to
do. I took out a knife and cut the plate out of my forehead. Put my
skin flap in my back pocket
and throw away the metal plate and go into Warman mode. I snap and
am seething and the sweat
surging off my head acts as no comfort to the big gapping hole across
my forehead. A moments
time I wait until Charlie makes his next move. A GI's almost lands
on my head but thanks to his
American Hero GI's gold seals training he warns me by yelling watch
out below. He splats right
beside me and I count my blessings. Next it happens as Private
Flannigan has been acquired by
the magnets. My forehead is bleeding red blood everywhere. Not the
red of the finest of
California grapes. Not the Ruby of the finest Shrilankan gems. This
was the red you saw when
you gutted a pig or ran over a very large rodent. This was the
redness of hells kitchen. The kind
of evil fire red you'd expect blazing an inferno through an
orphanage. It made me want to fight
harder and madder. As the magnet started to pick up Private
Flannigan I made my move and
jumped onto Flannigan as he floated upwards smashing his cranium on
the magnet. Sorry about
your luck Flannigan but I propel myself up the shaft of the magnets
ropes and make my way into
Charlie's cockpit. Crash and smash and a whiplash I knock the hell
out of the pilot and and
co-pilot and throw them over board, but not before I exchanged
clothing with the one. I was now
in a Charlie-copter, disguised in Charlie clothes. I start confusing
other Charlie-copters when I
lock onto them and start unloading with heavy machine gun firing and
air to air missiles attacks. I
am bringing down squashed cans of the fuckers everywhere. It's
raining Cats and chow mein
everywhere. Alas one Charlie-copter left but I run out of ammo. I
contemplate my next actions
and supercede to plan "F". Yes I fly over the remaining
Charlie-copter and for the good of my
nation and our battle to eat rice at a cheap price, I go to plan "F".
I turn off the magnet and drop
Flannigan into the blazing metal blades of the Charlie-copter.
Flannigan is chopped to smithereens but the last Charlie-Copter is
going down in a blaze of twisted
glory. Every time I see a rainbow I think of Flannigans pureed body
as it too made a rainbow as
his little body particles flickered in the suns spectrum as the
floated to the ground. A key note, I
didn't really know how to fly that Charlie-copter, but my adrenaline
and the will to win exceeded
my fear of losing. After the last copter went down I lost control of
my Copter. I sat crippled in a
tree for 3 days. Lucky for me I ate the piece of Forehead I had in
my back pocket while waiting
for a rescue team. Otherwise I would have starved to death and not
have been able to do more
action for Uncle Sam and Uncle Ben. Warman.