They bake cookies by day, but they really heat up the night. G-String grandmas, next 
on Sick, Sad, World. 

Can monkeys surf the net, and corrupt our kids? Chimpanzee chat rooms, next on 
Sick, Sad World. 

Are microbes having sex in your drinking water? H-2-uhoh! next, on Sick, Sad World. 

Her amputee boyfriend was cheating so she stole his prosthesis, but he kept right on hopping
 into strange beds. The one-legged lothario next, on Sick, Sad World. 

Would you moan my name... if I boinked you in heaven? Ghost hookers in the sky, tonight on 
Sick, Sad World. 

Thomas Jefferson. Philosopher. Inventor. President... and keeper of one saucy journal! The 
declaration of in my pants, tonight on Sick, Sad World. 

SSW Reporter - This is just astounding! Here you are, blind, deaf, and barely able to walk, 
yet you conducted simultaneous affairs with three members of the royal family! The question 
on all of America's mind is: How did you do it? 
Old Man - What?