Legal Disclaimer:
I don't own Evangelion. I don't own the series and don't own the characters. Don't sue me. ;_; please? Anyway, this itself is Copyright of Rocky Valkyrie 2002, all rights reserved etc. etc. [email protected]
AUTOR'S NOTE:
This fanfic is not very good. I can tell you that in advance. Any and all convulsions, regurgitations, vomiting, swearing and etc. cannot be attributed to me or my Fic. Legally. Ummm... so. Well, this is a continuation fic. It's sort of like, 'what would happen if Kaworu didn't die?' So, well... here it goes.
Rebirth and Desolation- Prelude to the pain
Based extremely loosely on Neon Genesis Evangelion by Gainax.
By Rocky Valkyrie
It's a dark room, poorly illuminated because no one has any use for the light at the moment. The room, the atmosphere, and everything in the room seems to be white. The walls, the ceiling, the floor, everything abound is white. Even the equipment being used to monitor vital signs seems to be white. Though it is not. On the bed is a young man with fair complexion. He's on a respirator; he's not breathing by himself. His face is filled with an expression of deep, sorrowful pain. Almost regret. His hands are balled into fists at his sides, and they're grasping hard on the covers. His frail body is quivering. Pain.
Then someone comes in the room. As the door opens, the light falls inside, slowly, seeming to understand the gravity, the deep sorrow of the situation. The visitor comes in unannounced. She walks, slowly, hesitantly, but surely, to the bedside. A few stray tear drops fall onto the slight shell that is left on the bed. There are others, but they are wiped before they can get off her. The lonely woman sniffs, gripping the bar on the side of the bed very hard. She quickly averts her eyes, whispering quick, soft apologies that will not have been heard.
The woman, unseen, still in her cloak of darkness, paces around the room a bit, hesitating to do what she had come to do. She decides to sit down for a bit, to calm herself, to collect her nerves. Just as she thinks to get up and end her stay here, the frail, pale, barely moving Ikari Shinji stirs and starts up.
"No..." he moans, painfully, "I... I don't... regret. I don't regret..."
In his mind, he sees the events of the day before. He was in his Evangelion, and he was facing the final angel. Nagisa Kaworu. He can see the two of them talking, as if the Evas were not there. "My death is my only absolute liberty," Kaworu tells Shinji, again and again, within the confines of Shinji's mind.
Another phrase let escape by Kaworu rings, echoing in the space within Shinji's mind, "...erase me." Shinji would have preferred it if Kaworu's other words, "I love you," were the ones that would repeat. But, unfortunately, it is not so; Shinji just keeps seeing the painful moments. His mind keeps telling him that like his father, Kaworu had betrayed him. But he doesn't want to feel that way.
The woman doesn't hesitate for a moment longer, seeing Shinji's pain. She walks to the medical equipment that is keeping Shinji alive, and she breaks off a part of the seat she had been sitting in. Then, with some twisted justice playing in her mind, she breaks the equipment, one by one. Everything is wrecked, the iron lung, the IVs, all the confusing machines, she destroys all of them in a sort of burst of primitive power. Like an orgasm.
Then she stands there, cold in sweat, the alarm blaring in her face, and she starts to run. She runs out, not being seen by the pursuers. She reaches the NERV elevator and rides it up. She sits down on the ground, her knees bent up. Her back is to the back wall of the elevator as she pants, her arms wrapped around her knees. The elevator opens and she steps out like nothing happened. The only reminder is an unexplained tear that drips off the side of her face.
Later, away from all the commotion, in a dark room in a secluded, almost hidden area of NERV HQ, decisions will be made that would change the fate of the world. Ikari Gendo steps out of the light to enter the dark room. The young man inside turns his attention to him. Commander Ikari is being accompanied by a pair of women, Ayanami Rei and Katsuragi Misato. The little party begins to speak.
"Final messenger..." Major Katsuragi addresses him, "...I'm going to ask you something now: Why did SEELE send you?"
Nagisa Kaworu sighs, and laughs sarcastically for a moment, "You ask me as if you do not know the answer."
Misato's face scrunches up, and she shifts forward, angrily, but Gendo holds her back, and she tells him, "Do you know... what you did?"
Kaworu frowns, averting his eyes, "...I know."
Misato turns away, letting out a brief burst of emotion, tears flowing over her face, "YOU KILLED HIM!"
Kaworu has no answer. But Gendo breaks the silence, "Final Angel: Now that all the angels are gone, aside from you, will the instrumentality begin?"
"It should have. If the prophecy had been fulfilled..." Kaworu enlightens, his voice trailing off.
"What the HELL is that supposed to mean?" Misato demands, grabbing Kaworu by his collar.
"Now... that I have survived... That I have not been liberated... by the third child..." he says, turning away, "more will come."
"Does..." Misato says, in another burst of emotional energy, losing all her energy, falling to her knees, tears streaming, "does... it have to be this way?"
"So... we will need new pilo--" Gendo starts.
Misato cuts him off, "NO!"
"What is that, Major Katsuragi?" Gendo asks, confused.
"No more... there can't be... another..." she says, practically losing her voice, her voice cracking, "...Shinji."
Misato and Rei look at each other for a fraction of a second, and then turn away from each other. "He can do it." Rei says.
"Who? The angel?" Gendo asks, with force.
Rei nods. "Will you do it, Nagisa Kaworu?" she asks him.
Kaworu shakes his head, "I... cannot."
"...for Shinji?" Rei says, suddenly becoming manipulative.
Misato looks up at him with pleading eyes. But it is ambiguous what she is pleading for. Kaworu, feeling sudden guilt, then says, sighing, "I will."
Misato turns quickly, "...are, are you... are you just going to let him like that?"
"His synch ratios are perfect." Gendo mumbles flatly.
Misato looks down, dropping her head. "Great," she mumbles to herself, "now I just have 2 dolls." Just as that thought enters her head, she envisions the future, or at least the possible future: Gendo is standing behind the world, and in front of the world are 2 marionettes, Rei and Kaworu, the strings being pulled by Gendo. Misato can just sob there.
"But..." she starts, "...but he's not even human. He's an ANGEL!"
"We need all the help we can get," Gendo states plainly, "with Asuka being sent back to Germany and with Shinji... in--" his voice cracks a bit, and he clears it, "incapacitated, we need another pilot. At least one more. And there's no time to look for one. This angel is our best chance."
"He's just as human as I am." is Rei's response.
A silent moment passes after this comment. Kaworu has his hands in front of his face, cupped downwards, held together. He stares, distantly, into the wall, thinking, and he doesn't say anything.
"So... we're just going to release him? Replace Shinji with him?" Misato asks, with desperation in her voice.
"Shinji..." Rei starts, her tone showing emotion, "he will... not be replaced."
Gendo looks at his marionette, then turns back to Kaworu, solemnly, "Pilot Ikari will be replaced."
Both Misato and Rei look at Gendo in wonderment. Then he responds to their glares, "Another pilot will be found."
"But... you said..." Misato says, her eyes watering again.
"I said nothing." he sighs exasperatedly, "You assumed."
Misato looks darkly again, at Gendo, but says nothing.
"A replacement will be found. Until then, Nagisa Kaworu will be Unit 02's pilot." Gendo states, or rather, commands.
Rei nods, as she walks out, to tell Maya and the other technicians. Gendo also walks out, nonchalantly, slowly, not minding anything. The door to the confinement facility is left open. Misato gets up, dries her tears, puts on a 'tough' face, then walks out, her heart strings still being pulled apart. But as she is walking away, Kaworu addresses her.
"I... am sorry. For the Third Child." Kaworu apologizes.
At first, Misato doesn't answer, she just keeps walking. But then, when she can't hold herself back anymore, she speaks up, turning around, "You... no matter how human you may seem to be..." she holds herself back from crying, "you will NEVER replace Shinji. You will NEVER understand... and you will NEVER be sorry." Kaworu, despite his cleverness of speech, can not
say anything back, he just turns away, in his mind he had done all he could.
The scene empties as quickly as it became full. And again, Kaworu is left in darkness, despite the door being open, he does not escape, nor try to. Where would he go? He had nowhere to go back to now that he had favored the Lillims. He wishes that he had died instead of Shinji that fateful day before. But, what had been done had been done. There is no changing history now. The silence is eerie. The scenes of Shinji's last moments play over in his head.
"I did... what was right. I did what needed to be done." Kaworu tells himself, "Only I understood him. He WANTED to be liberated like that... I... I granted his wish. But why... this guilt... why do I feel like this? He told me... that he didn't care for humans..."
At this point, Kaworu's mind reverts to the scenes that fateful day. Not when Shinji had died, but when Shinji had opened up to him. He remembers Shinji telling him that Shinji had hated his father. But that was not altogether too true. Shinji had longed for his father, it was not hate, just unrequited love of the worst kind.
Kaworu, upon thinking that, switches to another feeling; that of loneliness. That cold, painful space where love had been. This had come from the day when he told Shinji that he had loved him. Shinji had not returned the words, and Kaworu felt like he had lost a brother. After such a short time, the two had connected so well, but he had been ripped away...
4 people are watching Kaworu in his pain. Kozou Fuyutsuki, Ikari Gendo, Ayanami Rei and the only one that they had informed with further details of the instrumentality: Ibuki Maya. Maya had been shocked by those 'further' details, and by the announcement to her that her sempai, Akagi Ritsuko, had been executed. Maya remembers her days when she had just started out at NERV. She reminisces quietly for a few moments.
"You believe he will do what we say?" Gendo asks Rei.
Rei nods. Fuyutsuki assures, "Did you not witness his control over Unit 02 in his surfacing as an Angel?"
Gendo turns back to look at the monitor. His silence is consent. "We should hope that he does well." he says.
"But," Gendo says, hesitating, "we will need more than 2 pilots."
"Sir," Maya bursts in, "We have word from SEELE."
"What do those old fools want now?" Fuyutsuki says, sounding angry.
"We have a replacement for the 2nd child." Maya states, simply.
"2nd? I asked for a replacement for Pilot Ikari," Gendo says.
"Well, he came from Germany when Pilot Langley-Souryu was sent back." Maya explains.
Fuyutsuki puts his hand on Gendo's shoulder, "This might work. Why don't we tell them to send him over?"
"There..." Maya hesitates, "there... is one complication."
"Well, what is it?" Gendo asks.
"His... his age... he's only 13..." Maya says.
"So?" Gendo demands, coldly.
Maya shakes her head, "Noth-- nothing, sir, nothing..."
Against his will, young Leon Darke is being brought to Germany, away from the place that he calls home. Leon is not a German. Actually he's half Indian and half British. But, because of his twisted past, he had ended up in Germany, in the custody of one Tobias Langley. He had been related to Asuka, and when she had been sent back, the Langley family decided to send young Leon in her place. Without knowledge of where he would be going, and without being told the slightest detail, Leon is being shipped across the world, not knowing
where he is going.
Leon looks out of the aeroplane's window. He is enjoying what he sees; the calm, serene clouds, the ocean... the water, it is so passive. An image of a figure, the face of something horrifying, flashes over Leon's face. Leon suffers in silence, and as the painful image washes over, shivers shoot up and down his spine forcefully. Where the bruises had been on his back, the pain seems to shift awkwardly, causing him pain, right under his skin. Leon feels unsafe again... that feeling of calmness has been snatched away violently, and
the confused Leon doesn't understand how or why. All he knows is that he wants it to end, and that he wants to end it.
But he calms down, though only for a bit. The plane touches down and he is sent off to NERV headquarters by the pilot. As he gets off the plane, he is greeted by a smiling face. Ibuki Maya is waiting there, with a forced smile, but with warmth nonetheless. Although that warmth is artificial, considering she had lost most of her faith in humanity when she had found out the truth about the nature of the 'Instrumentality of Man Project.'
"Gutentag," Leon greets, plainly, his voice not suiting his figure.
Maya begins to finger her temples, trying to remember any German she had known, "Uhhh... I errr... gutentag?" she tells him, tentatively.
Leon nods. "I have speak little Japanese." he tries to say.
Maya resists her laughs, but it is not that hard to. She fumbles a little German, but the young boy just looks at her.
"I... have understanding of you language." the boy says, more confident than Maya.
Maya nods in agreement, "What's your name?"
"I have... 13 years," he tells her awkwardly.
"I asked for your name. I'm Maya Ibuki. M-A-Y-A..." she tells him, slowly, comically.
"Ah! Name is Leon. Leon Darke." Leon tells her, eyeing her in a strange way.
"Darke? I thought you were related to Asuka..." Maya says, musing to herself.
"What is Asuka?" the boy asks.
"Asuka. The 2nd child, ex-pilot of Unit 02. Asuka Langley-Souryu," she tells him.
"...Langley," the boy echoes distantly, his eyes changing all of a sudden. Unpleasant images of his past wash over in disturbing waves in his mind.
"Is there something the matter?" Maya asks, concerned.
"It's nothing, Ibuki-kun." Leon says, suddenly in perfect Japanese.
"Wow, you just spoke perfectly!" Maya praises him, a bit puzzled.
"Yes. Let's just get to NERV headquarters now, Ibuki-kun," Leon tells her, starting to walk, seeming to lead, confidently, although he doesn't know where they are headed.
Maya follows closely, behind him. She is a bit surprised by the sudden change, but she doesn't mind it too much. At least he speaks with perfect language skills, and a flawless accent, she thinks to herself. The idea just shoots over her head. The two soon reach the entrance to NERV HQ, and Leon seems to be looking around attentively the whole while that he is on his way. Almost too attentively, almost... carefully. Leon's confidence in moving around the HQ is alarming. He quickly finds his way to the briefing room, where Gendo, Rei and Misato are waiting for her. He quickly sets down his stuff, which is not much; just all his worldly possessions that he still had, all crammed into a little duffel bag that the owner had asked for back when he was done with.
"Pilot Darke." Gendo addresses Leon.
"Sir." is his response, saluting Gendo, "If you would excuse me, sir. I'm not a pilot yet. I have not passed the initiation."
A grin almost pulls itself across Gendo's face, "Candidate Pilot Darke, then. Are you ready for the tests?"
"I am, sir. Just say the word." Darke says, with unnerving confidence.
"No." Misato interrupts. "Tomorrow, at least," she pleads Gendo, without looking at him.
"I think he will be able to pilot." Rei adds in.
Angrily, Misato just up and walks out of the briefing room, "Fine. Don't listen to me, do whatever the doll tells you to."
"Excuse me sir." Rei says, as Gendo dismisses her, and Maya. Rei runs after Misato.
"What are your qualifications, Candidate Pilot Darke?" Gendo asks.
"None of true significance. In simulations, I had near-perfect synch ratios, I've had simulation combat practice, and I am learned in the art of fighting." Leon answers, beaming.
Gendo checks the young aspiring pilot out. He is not that tall, about 5'3, sizable build, attractive features, very dark complexion. His hair is nicely trimmed, though he does have some bangs across his forehead. Very neat.
"What would a man... a boy, of your age, especially, want in NERV?" Gendo asks, with some actual intrigue.
"There's nothing... nothing for me where I came from." is Leon's response.
"So... you're not out to 'save the world' or 'protect' anything?" Gendo asks, curiously.
"Are you serious, sir?" the boy asks, resisting laughter, "I'm not that idealistic."
"I can see. But what had attracted you to NERV?" Gendo asks, returning to his original line of questioning.
"I didn't choose to come to NERV. They sent me here. The relatives of my foster father." he says, his expression freezing cold, angry, hating, "...if you could even call him that last word."
"Father?" Gendo asks.
"Father, indeed. I killed the useless bastard." he says, his expression growing increasingly full of hate.
"That will be enough," Gendo tells him, a bit genuinely moved.
"Sir." he tells him, growing weak a bit, but still saluting.
Gendo walks out first, from the back door. Leon comes out of the front door. Maya seems to be waiting for him there. Leon Darke falls on his knees and starts to pant. He's panting very heavily, as if he has trouble breathing, and he starts to hold his neck. Maya bends down to him and holds him momentarily, asking him if he's okay. He nods and gets up.
"What's wrong? Did you get nervous?" Maya asks, thoughtfully, looking dearly at Leon.
"Wha... what... WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME?" Leon bursts out, suddenly, holding his head, then starts panting again, falling to his knees.
Alarmed, Maya can't resist speaking, "I'm... I'm sorry... but what..."
"...so ...so" Leon tries, out of breath, "...sorry."
"What happened?" Maya asks.
"I... problems... are having." Leon says, awkwardly.
"What?" Maya asks him, the more she hears, the more she becomes confused.
"If... I turn that again, please stop me please..." Leon instructs her.
"If... what happens to you?" Maya asks, formulating a theory.
"He..." Leon starts, pointing to his chest area, "...is part of me. Inside."
Maya takes the ailing young man to her car. Leon passes out there, then she takes him to her apartment. Misato had taken both Rei and Kaworu in. Or agreed to; Kaworu hardly ever goes to that place. Neither did Rei, but she had always been going back to NERV to do more and more testing, so for her it is only natural. Leon, on the other hand, would stay with Maya.
To be continued...
Author's END Notes:
Errr... before anyone asks, YES. Leon Darke is an insane ACC. But I needed someone else... Since Shinji would be gone, and Asuka, too. And before someone asks, yes. Leon Darke IS split-personalitied. =P Why? You'll have to see laterz. So till then. Laterz!!!