Today, I’m writing to explain to you why mayonnaise kicks ass. Mayonnaise doesn’t get enough credit among its condiment friends, but think about it. What other condiment can you use on pancakes AND ham. Well, you could use any, but it’d taste like dog shit.
Mayonnaise is awesome. It’s a combination of flavors that come together to make one, face stomping, ass kicking good topping on anything you might eat. It’s a little sweet, a little salty, a little bitter, but all awesomeness.
We all love mayonnaise but, what exactly is this bad ass concoction made out of? Lets take a look:
Ingredients (Hellmann’s): Soybean Oil, Water, Whole Eggs and Egg Yolks, Vinegar, Salt, Sugar, Lemon Juice (Awesome), Natural Flavors, Calcium Disodium Edta (Used to protect quality).
Holy shit. That is one awesome dish. Hellmann’s, ranks supreme when it comes to mayo. Then of course, there is that dog shit, “Miracle Whip”. Miracle Whip is for assholes. The should call it “Miracle Whoop” because it gets its ass whopped by Hellmann’s. Let’s take a look at the ingredients in that pig shit.
Ingredients (Miracle Whip): Shit. Pure shit.
Wow. Well, I recommend Hellmann’s. Unless of course, you like the taste of raw shit.
Try mayonnaise on these things:
Everything.
Lets check out what some people say about mayonnaise:
Mayonnaise is bad ass. I eat it on everything. Pigs, goats, cows, human infants. You name it, I’ll have mayonnaise on it. - Sigurdur the Barbarian.
I love mayonnaise, I eat it out of the jar. - N.G.
Well, I hope if you haven’t tried mayonnaise by now, you stop reading this article and run to the grocery store and buy some. In fact, buy two or three jars of it, two for you, one for a loved one.