I hate doctors offices. I hate everything about them. From the diseased ridden assholes in the waiting room, to the cocky, shiteating receptionists. I vow to myself everytime I come out of a doctors office, that no matter how bad my next problem is, that I would wait until I needed to go to the hospital for it. Yet, I lie to myself.
I'll start off with the number one thing that urks me about doctors offices, and that would be the waiting room. Today I went into my doctors office and as soon as I opened the door into the waiting room. Instantanesouly I was accosted by the sounds of fat, functionally retarded women blowing their noses into nasty, disease ridden handkerchiefs. I sat down in one of the chairs, which was caked with all different forms of the plauge, and I watched what was going on around me. In the far side of the room, there was a woman blowing her nose, repeatedly, and I had to fight back fits of laughter because everytime she did this, it reminded me of a duckcall. The guy 3 chairs to the left of me farted and it was LOUD. It wasnt anything to behold either. No smell, no wilting plants, just a loud, obnoxious fart. A few seats over from the fat woman with the duckcall for a nose, was a guy who was getting greener with each passing minute. He was huddled over the garbage can in the corner, and I thought at any moment he was going to explode, shooting chowder all over the walls. Next, to my right was a mother of two, fidgiting little assholes who WOULD NOT SIT STILL. One of them had a bottle of Mellow Yellow and the other had a canister of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. Little assholes, they kept staring at me from the moment I walked in the door. When I caught them staring at me for more than 10 seconds, I'd snap my head around and growl like a dog with rabbies. Just to scare the shit out of them. Then, it was the Indian family. I never actually caught a glimpse of these girls mothers, but every couple of seconds, the girls would walk over to the magazine rack that was in front of me and pick out a maganzine to thumb through. They couldnt have been more than 9 or 10 years old. The oldest one however, would stand infront of the magainze rack with her fingers in her mouth as she decided which magazine she wanted. This, I could not believe. After sitting in her nasty, asshole infested chair for 5 minutes, she'd put her fingers in her mouth?! WHAT THE HELL?! She'll probably get gonoreah of the throat and her parents will be clueless as to why.
The other kicker is the receptionists. These bitches that thing they are gods gift to Earth. Last time I went to the doctor, one of the skank bitches refused to talk above 5 decibels. This pissed me off, because I have a hard time hearing shit. So you can imagine what most of our conversation was like....
Receptionist: "I need your insurance card."
Me: "WHAT?!"
Receptionist: "Insurance."
Me: "I CANT HEAR YOU, BITCH!"
Receptionist: "Sir there is no need to talk like that."
Me: "DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT THIS BITCH IS SAYING?!"
God damnit I hate doctor's office's. Anybody agree? Send me some email.