My farts are bad.
I took some arthritis meds today (not because I’m old, shut up). These pills make my farts smell horrible. Like rotting meat. It was disgusting.
Yet, as disgusting as they are, I’m proud of them. They smell as bad as raw sewage. I sat here and farted, and the fart was about one cubic inch in density. Within about 0.3 seconds, the fart enveloped the room and choked off all of the life within it. The plants wilted and died, the paint on the walls dried up and fell off, the finish on my desk turned into liquid. The candle on the far side of the room quickly turned into a white hot flame that could melt titanium.
This was by far one of the worst farts I’ve ever lit.
Savor it.