Our ode to Marilyn Manson and NIN, and those Psycho-Conservative Christians. (ex.: www.nomanson.com). This script is a product of too little sleep, too much caffeine. Have fun!
SETTING: Marilyn Manson concert, with guest Trent Reznor.
MM and co. jump around onstage playing "Disposable Teens".
Onstage: We�re Disposable TEENS, We�re Disposable TEENS�
Protesters: Oh, no! The evil Satanic MARILYN MANSON is corrupting our children and destroyng our GOOD CHRISTIAN MORALS!!! Soon all of our children will be advocating FREEDOM OF SPEECH and other IMMORAL THOUGHTS!!! And probably wearing EYELINER, too! We must stop this!
Trent leaves the stage while Marilyn and Co. begin singing "The Speed of Pain."
Protesters: Look, there�s our chance! If we kidnap the leader of that Satanic band Nine Inch Nails, then there will be RIOTING and CHAOS and they will be too busy killing each other to spread their evil heathenistic propaganda!!! Quick, let�s go overcome those two witless security guards; their immortal souls will thank us for it later!!
The Protesters trample two security guards, who were standing outside Trent�s dressing room. They break down the door, there are the sounds of a struggle, and the Protesters emerge with a bound-and-gagged Trent. They carry him away before Manson and Company can make their way through the crowd who is trying to jump on him.
Manson: Oh my God, they�ve kidnapped Trent!
Twiggy: YOU BASTARDS!!!
Manson gives Twiggy dirty look and smacks him.
Twiggy: Derr� He was so cute, too�
Manson: We have to go rescue him! Who�s with me against the Right-Wing, Fundamentalist, Conservative, Republican Scuba-Divers for Christ?!?
The crowd at the concert disappears.
Rest of Band: Screw them, we will!!!
Manson: Then we�re off to the Lair of Conservative Fundies!
Manson and Crew leave.
Manson and Crew arrive at the opening of a cave, that is guarded by the GRAPES OF WRATH.
Twiggy: Oooh, I wonder how many (mmm) HORRIBLE things they�ve done to Trent... Look, they�ve set out food for us!
Manson smacks Twiggy.
Manson: No, you Drug-Addled Sex-Fiend! Those are the Fundies� Henchmen, the GRAPES OF WRATH!!
John 5: Don�t worry Manson, we�ll turn them into WINE!!!
Twiggy: What?! Alcohol?!
Manson smacks Twiggy.
Grapes of Wrath: GRRR!!!
Ginger jumps in amongst the Grapes and starts smacking away, after an amount of time, John 5 starts playing repeated high notes, followed by popping noises as the Grapes explode.
Manson: Now let�s go save Trent!!
Manson and Crew charge into the cave, Twiggy stays temporarily behind.
Twiggy: Dude, were you guys serious about the wine?
Scene Cut
SETTING: INSIDE "THE LAIR"
The Fundies are in a circle, holding a church service over Trent�s inert form. There is a collective gasp as Manson and Co. charge in, followed by several seconds of stunned silence, broken by Twiggy.
Twiggy: Dude, do you guys have, like, free refreshments or something?
Manson smacks Twiggy.
Manson: We're not here to screw around; we're here to save Trent!
Random Protester: You can�t have him!!! We�re saving his immortal soul!
Manson: Oh, suck my dick.
Protesters: AAH! OH! Blasphemy! Our pure souls are being tainted! (Fundies start twitching and moaning, etc..)
Twiggy: Did someone say something about dicks?
Protestors make generally painful moans at the word "dick". Manson almost smacks Twiggy, but thinks it over a second.
Manson: Hmm. Yes, actually. (Points at Random Protester) We were saying you should fuck him.
Twiggy: Anything you say!
Twiggy begins rabidly humping the nearest protestor, who dies of shock. He continues with the rest of the group while members of Marilyn Manson hold the fundies down. Soon, all are gone.
Twiggy: Damn, and now I�m all horny.
Manson: Don�t worry, we�ll find you a groupie later. For now, let�s untie Trent!
They gather around Trent and he emerges from the cluster of people looking good as new.
Trent: Thank you so much! It was horrible! They prayed and sang at me; I thought I was gonna DIE!
Twiggy: Did they, you know�like, MOLEST you or anything?
Manson smacks Twiggy. Twiggy knocks him out with his guitar.
Twiggy: DAMMIT, I�M SICK OF BEING BEAT UP!! And I�m still horny, dammit. Give me a break! Ooh, ooh, I saw a McDonalds up the road, can I get a Happy Meal, PLEASE PLEASE?!
AND HENCE OUR HEROIC STORY ENDS, WITH ROCK N� ROLL AGAIN VICTORIOUS.
AND TWIGGY GETS LAID, TOO.