Have you ever known what it feels like to love someone with all your heart and soul? To wake up beside them and know that they love you just as much? But then they leave, and you feel incomplete, lost and alone? Yet there again, there's always that certain feeling as if they were still with you. A precious possesion that you love very deeply, that reminds you of . . .  your lost loved one?
  Such is my case.
  I thought that James and I would be together forever. That maybe someday He and I would become lovers, married partners joined as one, and possibly even raise a family of our own. I love him, and I'm not sure but I think he loved me too.
  Every day I woke up, there was always a smile on my James' face. The smile he shown was so sweet, caring and innocent. Like that of a small child. James was so caring for me, and yet I. . .I. . .
  ::sigh::
  James always took great care of me. Always making sure that anyones' words of humiliation never got to me, always making sure that I was alright and had no harmful injuries after we 'blasted off again'.
  And what did I do in return? Huh? I injured him, put him down, and did all that I could to make him feel awful. I mean, after all, it was his fault for everything that happened to us. . .
  No it wasn't! If I could take back anything I'd ever did to him; it'd be all the pain I had caused him. It wasn't James' fault, nor Meowth's!
  It was my fault.
  Maybe if I'd been nicer to him? Maybe he would still be here with me? Would he? What if I had told him the truth sooner? No, it was useless. Nothing could have prevented that frightful day.
  ::sigh::
  It started out as any other day. It was the yearly schedule for our doctor's appointments. It was mandatory for every Team Rocket member to have an appointment each year. James, as usual was arguing on going.
  "I don't need a stupid doctor's appointment! I'm just as fine as I am!"
  "James! Get out of bed this instant! You're going whether you like it or not!" I yelled at him angrilly. He replied by pulling the bedspread over his head. "James!" I screamed again.
  I couldn't take it anymore. He had to go to the doctor's. It was a rule for God's sake! If James didn't obey, the Boss'd surely kick him out of Team Rocket. Which meant that I'd never see him again. James and I had known eachother since we were eight. And I wasn't about to let him go now.
  I did the first thing I could think of. I grabbed the frying pan on the floor nearby and whacked him over the head with it. It hurt me to do so, but I had no other choice.
  James screamed in pain and immediately jumped out of his bed. I winced when I saw the blood that was dripping from a small cut on his forehead.
  Gawd! What did I do?! I could've done something else to make him wake up.  But I didn't. I hurt him, badly. Like always. I felt tears beginning to well up in my eyes, but I held them back. I was too proud and stubborn to show my feelings. Instead of appologizing and hugging the man I loved, I glared at James angrilly and waved the frying pan, threatening him.
  "Okay! Okay! I'm up!" he pleaded with me.
  "Shutup and get going!" I screamed back at him. I wanted to smack myself with that damn frying pan! I was being such an idiot!
  James obeyed me and went to the door, opened it and went outside. I followed him, a look of pain and regret on my face. Meowth was in the red jeep waiting for us. He looked at James and opened his mouth to speak.  "James, what'd you do this time?" he snickered.
  James was silent the rest of the way to HQ. Once I glanced over my shoulder at him while I drove the jeep. He looked so sad and hurt. Because of me.  Again, I had hurt the one I loved and cared for so much. James turned his head slightly and saw me looking at him. I instinctively turned my head the other way so that he wouldn't see my hurt expression.
  When we arrived at HQ, I parked the jeep and all three of us went inside. I walked inside and saw the receptionest at her desk. "We';re here for the yearly checkup." Meowth told her.
  "Name please." she asked him.
  I couldn't resist!
  "Prepare for trouble!" I announced proudly.
  "And make it double!" James spoke clearly as he stood by my side.
  "To protect the world from devastation!"
  "To unite all peoples within our nation!"
  "To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
  "To extend our reach to the stars above!"
  "Jessie." I struck a seductive pose.
  "James." James struck a pose as well.
  "Team Rocket! Blast off at the speed of light!"
  "Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
  "Me-owth! Dat's right!" the cat proclaimed and stood in between James and I. The receptionest only stared at us uninterested. "Ri-ght." she spoke, obviously unimpressed. "Name please."
  "Jessie, James, and Meowth." I spoke annoyingly.
  "Down the west hall, turn right four doors down. Keep going until you see the restrooms, take a left turn down that hall and you're at the elevator. Go to floor five and go straight. Make a left after you pass three doors, and go to room number 147. Knock three times, password=nidoran lovers 4 USA. Got it?" she spoke very fast.
  Even though we didn't understand a thing she said, we simply nodded our heads and got going . . .
  After about an hour or so, we finally made it to room number 378. We knocked on the door and said the password. Some man came to the door and looked at us weirdly. "What the hell do ya want?!" he asked angrilly.
  "Our doctor's appointments." James spoke up.
  "Doctor's appointments?!"
  "Um, yes."
  "This is the private meeting room you idiots! The Doctor's office is on floor five, not seven!" He slammed the door in front of our faces.
  I sighed and glared at James. "I'm sorry!" he quickly replied.
  I was just about to smack him, when Meowth called us."C'mon youse guys! We gotta get back to da elevata and gets to our's appointments afore it's too late."
  Meowth was right. I was honestly glad that Meowth called us in time. I didn't have the chance to hurt James. Thanks to Meowth. James and I followed Meowth.
  We finally arrived at the 'correct' room. Meowth had his exam first, next I did, and then James. Gawd, this was taking forever! Meowth and I had been waiting for almost an hour!
  James finally came out with the doctor right behind him. He sat down beside me on the small sofa and frowned. He bent over to whisper something to me while the doctor scanned through his papers.
  "Jessie, I think something's wrong." he softly whispered.
  "Like what?"
  "I think--"
  "Okay," the doctor spoke up in a gruff voice."Meowth, you're doing fine except for one thing. You have a cavity. Nothing that a little dentistry won't take care of. I've scheduled another appointment for you in three weeks. It would've been sooner, only that it seems most people are getting teeth problems this year. The appointment will be at Dr.Peterson's office, room 24. Alright?"
  Meowth nodded his head in agreement.
  "And, Jessie. Everything's fine for you. Your health is in perfect condition. . . But James on the other hand. . ."
  "James?! What about him?! . . What's wrong with him?!" I asked shakilly. I probably let off to muck than I should have. But the hell with that, I was scared out of my skin!
  "James, you seem to have an extremely rare condition. It is caused by severe effects caused by plant pokemon. Have you ever been exposed to 'stun spore' before?"
  James nodded his head fearfully.
  "Well, if you breathe in too much, it can cause reactions to your lungs and vocal cords. And if you breathe enough of it, it can be deadly. . . How many times have you been exposed to stun spore?"
  James didn't answer, his face was turning pale and the color in his eyes had faded. He was as still as death and his face was one of pure fear.
  "James?" the doctor prodded him.
  "He's been exposed to it countless times. . .Am I right James?" I asked him. He didn't look up at me, he only nodded hishead and just stared at the floor, closing his eyes. He looked so frightened and afraid. Now I knew just how serious this was. I glanced at him once more, James was now crying.
  I no longer cared what anyone thought of me. I wrapped my arms around James and pulled him into a tight hug. He cried into my white jacket as I soothingly rubbed his back, trying to comfort him. "Shhh, it's okay James." I spoke softly to him.
  "Jessie, p-please don't let m-me. . ." he cried. I was going to cry myself sooner or later. I couldn't take this, was James really dying?! . .   .Jezebel!
  This was all her fault, and that Vileplume of hers. The stun spore she used so many times was beginning to hurt James.
  "Isn't there anything you can do?!" I asked the doctor, my heart beating fast.
  He frowned and shook his head.
  "W-wait a sec!" Meowth spoke up. "Member dat one time Jess got sick cause of stun spore?! We got dat salvaya weed and she was betta in a day or so. Yeah! Jamesie's just gotta drink salvaya and he'll be all betta!"
  I remember now! I had accidently breathed in a Vileplume's stun spore once and became sick. James and Meowth had left to find salvaya weed so that I would feel better. After all they did for me, I yet again let my temper take control. Poor James. But now everything was going to be better!
  "It seems that James has breathed in such a vast ammount, that not even salvaya weed would help in this case. I'm sorry." the doctor grimaced.
  "Can't we atleast try?!" I revolted.
  "You can try. But I'm afraid it is hopeless." said the doctor.
  "Please Jessie, don't let me die . ." James whispered to me, his eyes full of tears and his words barely audible. I looked into his emerald green eyes, pleading to me for help.
  "I won't James. I won't!" I spoke, grabbing his shoulder's firmly but gently. I 'was' tears by now! James looked back into my eyes and hugged me again. I hugged him back and glared at the doctor." Come on James." I spoke softly, helping him to his feet."We're obviously not going to get any help here."
  "I'll make sure Giovanni has him discharged and you Jessie, will have a new partner after James'. . .well, you get the idea." the doctor spoke, as if he could care less what might happen to James.
  I glared at him feircely. "Would you like to be more helpful than you already are, please?!" I asked sarcastically. He only shrugged and shut the door behind us.
 
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  A week later we finally found salvaya weed for James. That weed was so rare and valuable that it was hard to find and very expensive. I paid almost fifty dollars for a small batch of it. But it was worth it, in order to save James' life.
  We gave him the salvaya with every meal he ate. But it barely helped. I was beginning to think that the doctor was right. Maybe James 'was' going to die.

  A month passed by and James' health was beginning to decrease as well.

  It was a cold night, and I had made a hot meal for James. He couldn't eat anything cold, seeing as it would hurt his lungs and throat even more.  James' voice had now become a little raspy. We'd ran out of salvaya weed about a week ago. Meowth had gone to the hospital to see if he could find some more.
  I slowly entered James' room and softly knocked on the door. "James?  I've brought dinner for you." I walked into the room and saw James sitting at his desk, reading a book of some kind. I stepped over to him and sat the tray down in front of him on the desk.
  "Whatcha reading?" I asked him, trying to make small talk.
  "Nothing important." he replied annoyingly and tossed the book across the room. I placed a hand on his shoulder, he was obviously not in a very good mood. "It's okay James. We've all had a rough day."
  "Jessie, I'm dying! And you know it!" he yelled at me,"Don't pretend that it's not happening! I'm not stupid!"
  James had never taken that tone with me before. I was really upset now.  "James! How dare you speak that way with me!" I raised my hand to smack him, as I usually did. But then he quickly caught hold of both my wrists and held me still.
  "No Jess. Not again. You can't treat me like that. Because I for one, am sick of it." he spoke, frowning at me. His expression was full of rage, yet there was this hurt look like that of a frightened child. He looked deep into my sapphire eyes and opened his mouth to speak.
  "Jessie, I know by the way that you've treated me that you probably hate me. But I remember that there's been times that I've thought you didn't.  Remember when we were at my parent's estate. I came back to you Jessie!  Remember?!" he spoke cruelly. I tried to get free of his grasp and he only  tightened his hold.
  "James, let go. You're hurting me. . ." I whimpered softly.
  "No Jessie. I won't let go. I have to know. . .Do you hate me?"
  I looked into his eyes and I couldn't even frown. His hold on my wrists really did hurt. I didn't think James was capable of this! He always seemed so weak. I was the strong one! Not him! I was!
  "DO YOU?!" he screamed, his voice full of rage and sorrow.
  Of course I didn't hate him! I loved James! I loved him!
  "NO! James . . ." I trailed off. I could feel my eyes stinging with tears.  His hold loosened on my wrists and he slowly let go.
  "Jess, I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I hushed by placing my finger on his lip.
  "No, I'm sorry James. I'm so sorry . . ." I began to softly cry. James wrapped his arms around me and held my body close to his. I wrapped my arms around him and cried into his shirt. "Oh James. . ." I whispered.
  "Shhh, It's alright Jess. It's alright." James was beginning to cry as well. He ran his fingers through my hair and held me close to him. "James, I love you." I whispered. At that moment I could feel him hold tighter than ever.
  "I love you Jessica." he whispered into my ear. I let loose of my tight hold and looked him in the eyes. "I love you." we both spoke at the same time. I smiled and James blushed. I lifterd my head to kiss him, and he kissed me before I had the chance.
 
******************starting here, you may skip it if you wish (adult content)*****************

  We stopped after five seconds and looked into each other's eyes. I kissed him again, but this time it was much, much more passionate. As his lips touched mine, I slowly began to unbutton his shirt. I could feel the tension rising between us. I slid James' shirt off his body and let it drop to the ground.
  He stopped a moment and gazed into my eyes. "Jessie, what are you doing?" he asked, as if he didn't know. "J-" I shushed him by placing my finger to his lips again. I let my finger trace down his chin and down his bare chest until it came to his pants. I began to slowly work at his belt until it was undone and I began to slide his pants off, as well as his shirt.
  James reached for my hands, as if to stop me. "No Jessie, it's my turn."  He placed his hands around my waist and felt around my khaki pants. He unbuttoned them, and they fell to the floor; revealing my lacy, purple underwear. James blushed when he saw them, and I placed my hand on his cheek.
  "Jessica? Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, his eyes full of concern. I answered him by gently kissing his lips. I looked into his eyes and smiled. "Yes James. I'm positive. I love you and I know you feel the same."
  "No Jessie, what if you-y-you. . ."
  "It's alright James. It's alright. . . I love you." I whispered softly.
  Just to prove my point, I lifted my thin maroon colored sweater off and threw it across the room. Underneath it, I wore a bra that matched my underwear; purple lace. I moved in closer to James and pressed myself against him. I could tell he was nervous, and I was too. I'd never done this before.
  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into an intense kiss. He reacted by placing his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. James lifted me into his arms and carried me over to the bed and gently layed me down on the soft, flannel bedspread.
  I pulled back the covers of the bed and smiled up at James, allowing him to join me. He smiled back at me and then he loosened his pants, letting them drop to the ground, which revealed his white underwear; which he gently removed and tossed across the room without care.
  His whole body was so muscular and perfect. He usually looked so skinny and wimpy. But he wasn't; he was absolutely beautiful! He climbed in the bed next to me and brushed the hair off of my body. I hadn't done my hair that day, so it was down to my thighs and as soft as silk. Not at all stiff and up in a coil.
  I pulled back that wisp that always hanged in his face, only to let it fall back down in it's original place. I kissed him once more and he ran his fingers through my crimson hair. James began to kiss my neck and kept going down until he reached my bra.
  He looked up, asking me for permission. I smiled and sat up. I began to undo the clasps on my lacy, purple bra and eventually let the clothing article fall down as James slid it off my arms. He gazed at my breasts in awe, and then into my eyes once more. He brushed his lips against mine and looked deep into my eyes, my soul.
  "I love you." James spoke softly, resting his forehead against mine.
  "And I you; James. . .and I you." I replied.
  I layed down, allowing James to lay his body on top of mine. Instead, he reached for my underwear and slowly slid it off; gently dropping it on the side of the bed. He casually skimmed over my body, smiling and then allowed himself to place his body on top of mine.
  Every time he dove into me was gentle, not at all hard. He took care of my body. Even though this was his first, just as it was mine, he acted as if he had practiced enough so that he wouldn't hurt his partner in love making.  James was so good to me.
  Yes, it did hurt at first. But after a while, I gave into it, and the love we made was pure bliss. I enjoyed it. I loved James and he loved me. And that, was the greatest feeling of all . . .

  ***************************You may start reading again*****************************

  The next morning I woke up in my lover's, my soul mate's, my James' arms. He was still asleep. I carressed his beautiful features and softly kissed his cheek. "I love you." I whispered into his ear. He moved his body gently and woke up, gazing into my eyes.
  He only smiled and passionately kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him and ran my fingers through his silky, violet blue hair. And he did the same, carressing my soft, crimson red hair. I hugged him tightly and rested my head on his chest. I listened to his steady heartbeat, which almost lulled me to sleep again.
  "I love you Jessica." James spoke softly and kissed my forehead. HIs voice was even more scratchy than yesterday. I yawned, stretched my body out and relaxed again. "I love you James."
  "Me-owth! It finally took some doing, but I finally found salvaya weed.  I had ta go ta. . . What da hell happened here?!!!" Meowth screamed, entering the room.
  "Go away cat!" I screamed at him, pulling the sheets up to cover my bare chest. "Get out!!!"
  "Well, I guess it hadta happen some time." Meowth snickered and left the room. Great! Now the cat knew! What if he told the boss?! We'd get fired. It was against the rules to have an intimate relationship within Team Rocket. . . Oh well.
  I sighed and rested my head on James' chest again.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Another two months went by. And no, the salvaya weed still wasn't working.  We'd already spent over 500 dollars taking trips to hospitals and buying the supplies that were needed. James even had three medical operations! Nothing seemed to help.
  Again, we were at a hospital. James'd just had yet 'another' cat scan!  Meowth and I were in the waiting room. The nurse came out and told us that  James only had another hour.
  I immediately felt tears streaming down my face. Here was James, my lover and soul mate; with only one more hour to live! I had to see him immediately!  I rushed into the room, Meowth at my heels.
  When I entered I saw James on the bed, his body pale and thin as ever. He hadn't eaten in three weeks and had been vomiting constantly. He looked up at me and weakly forced a smile. "Hello dear." he spoke, his voice extremely scratchy and barely audible. He softly patted the side of his bed and I rushed over to him.
  I gently sat down and took his bony hand in my own. I held it to my lips and kissed it. I began to cry and he caressed my face weakly. "Oh James. I love you. . . Please don't die. . . I love you . . ." I whispered softly.
  "Jessica, please don't cry."
  "Oh James. . ." I sobbed, hugging him in an embrace. He softly carressed my crimson locks of hair as I cried into his hospital gown. "I love you, I love you, I love you. . ." I repeated in whispers.
  "And I love ya too Jamesie! We're more than a team! We're friends!" Meowth laughed, jumping on the bed next to James and I. I remembered that saying Meowth had just spoke. James had said the same thing to Meowth when He and I rescued him from that meowth gang. All three of us embraced each other for quite a while. I looked at Meowth, giving him a hint that I'd like to be alone with James for a short moment.
  "I'll be back in a sec!" he grinned and scampered off.
  "James, there's something I think you should know." I spoke softly. He needed to know the truth. He looked at me, eyes full of concern. He nodded his head. He hurt him to speak.
  "James, while we were here at the hospital yesterday I. . . Well, I haven't been feeling so well lately. And I-I . ." I sighed.
  "Jessie?! Are you sick? Did you catch the stun spore effect from me?!"
  James panicked, and looked deep into my eyes. His eyes widened in fear.
  "Well, not exactly. I saw a doctor yesterday, and it turns out that I'm . . .  I'm pregnant, James." I finally spat it out."James, if I'd known. . . I wouldn't have--"
  "Jessie. That's wonderful. . .I'm so happy. . ." he whispered softly. James was beginning to cry; not because of fear or sadness, they were tears of joy.  For the first time in weeks, he sat up and hugged me. "I love you Jessica." he spoke softly.
  I returned his embrace. "James?"
  "Yes?"
  "I'll s-show the baby y-your picture every d-day. . .I will. I'll t-tell him about y-you; James, his f-father. I love y-you and I know that h-he will t-too." I choked out in sobs.
  I let go of James and he relaxed on his bed. "I know Jess. I know you will."
  We stayed in each other's arms, talking about our baby's future. After a while we stopped talking. James' breathing had slowed and he could now barely say a word. I sat on the chair next to his bed, holding his hand.
  Suddenly, without a warning, James sat up in bed and his eyes had this peculiar look in them. As if he saw something, somebody in the room. But James and I were the only ones there.
  "James? What is it?"
  "Oh Jessie. . . they're beautiful. . ." he spoke softly. His voice was miraculously no longer scratchy and his speech was very clear.
  "What?" I asked, very confused.
  "Angels. . .don't you see them?" he asked me. James voice sounded like that of a child's, opening a christmas present and speaking of it in awe.
  James' skin tone brightened. He was no longer pale, and his skinny body returned to it's normal self. "Oh James. . . . . ."
  James closed his eyes and slowly laid back down on his bed. He opened them again and gazed at me. "I love you Jessica." And with that he closed his eyes once more. "I love you too James." I choked out, my eyes full of tears.
  The machine near James bedside was a steady beat and then, it went on . . . . unending. He was gone. I held his dead body in my arms for quite awhile. I was crying so badly. I never wanted him to leave. . . . .
  I loved him.
 
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  I never did fall in love again. I loved James. And he was the only one I ever would.
  I named our son; James. He was so much like his father. James grew up into a handsome young man. He married a nice, young girl by the name of Alecia Ketchum. At the wedding, there was a round pale blue candle on the alter. It reminded us all of James. They had two children; a boy and a girl.  Their names were Miguel and Misty. The girl was named after her mother.
  Meowth lived to be 53. James and I had met him when he was atleast ten. I loved that cat. Even though he was annoying at times, he was my best friend next to James.
  And that brings me to where I am now. I am now officially 97 years old.  And as I lay here on my death bed, with my child, grandchildren, and even great grandchildren at my side. I know that James, my lover, soul-mate, my life is waiting for me. I close my eyes and can feel his presence by my side.
  I open my eyes again and look over my body. It no longer has wrinkles, or a deathly effect to it. I look as young as I was in my teens. I lift my softly lift my head and see my lover looking down at me. He has wings of gold and his skin is shining as bright as the sun.
  "James. . ." I whisper.
  "Yes mother?" my son replies, holding my hand.
  "Your father is here to take me home. . ." I speak, my voice no longer scratchy and barely audible. I close my eyes again and feel my soul gracefully being lifted from my limp body. . .
 
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  "Double trouble time, right?"
  "Sounds great to me James!"
  "Me-owth dat's right!"
 

  (Author's note) Gawd! I'm crying my eyes out! Anybody got a tissue?!  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! . . . Ahem, okay. Did ya like it? Hope so! ^_^   Email me at [email protected]
 
Webmaster's note:  Got one right here, Kitten!  Congratulations, you've done the impossible.  Very rarely does a story make me cry.  I didn't even cry over Titanic!  All right, people, if you aren't in tears right now there's no hope for ya!