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2003
<--2002 2006-->
| Age: 19 |
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| A time of turmoil in my life, I had been kicked out by my mother. I jumped around from place to place. My relationship was dangingly by a thin string. I was sad, depressed, confused, and felt that the world was against me. The poetry in this collection will be overwhelmingly sad. |
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Lonliness #1 Like tear drops silently in the night Lonliness glistens in the soft moonlight I'm sitting on the rocks besides a lake Far away from the world Far away from the security of innovation Looking up, in awe, of the beautiful, clear, crisp sky The stars... they explode! Thick, they fly suspended in a vast space And I am overwhelmed by it's magnitude My body feels weak, limp, uncontrolled, immobalized Scared, my face burns with intensity I feel as though I can find comfort in this solitude The lake is tranquil, calm, relaxed Nature breathes with serenity But tears seep slowly down Wishing desperately to have a gentle touch of comfort The stars are too far away to grasp Mountains flow far into the horizon Trees entrap me; enprision me into lonliness I'm so afraid... the darkness is intimidating The silence is eerie Yet, I sit here on the rocks beside a lake Wishing... crying... alone.... |
Lonliness #2 I want to cry, but I can't I'm afriad of being alone Lost of your touch, I can't find comfort in my solitude I yearn for something more And I'm afriad to see myself as merely a creature of wants Dare I repress my human desires God, where is your comfort? Why can't I fall asleep quietly What is keeping me up tonight I'm full of questions that I cannot answer And I am bothered I'm afraid to miss you I'm afraid to think of you constantly I'm afraid to yearn for your heartbeat against my ear What joys it would be to see your face and hear your voice once more You have left me abstractly Suddenly gone were you and I found myself lost in desire I could not feel like a woman anymore I was a hole - and you stole that part of me There is no completeness within me So, I desperately seek comfort from somewhere else From little distant voices From soft and fuzzy inanimate creatures From artificial warmth Tonight, my TV will be left on My blanket will be tucked closer My stuffed animals will be held tighter Wishing away tears that won't come. |
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Lonliness #3 I found my tears tonight Afraid of darkness and light Gone from the world of stability I am suspended in a void of selflessness Unexplainable, I hold everything closer to me And push it all away - at the same time Nothing makes me whole Nothing helps me feel better I am so tired and worn out I need you, sleep Please sprinkle your magic Bring me the comfort of rest and refreshment Bring me the promise of a new day to spend in the solitude of my thoughts I need to find myself again and become whole once more I fear I may be only able to comfort myself It is my lonely resolution.... |
Fishing for Success Why do we crank the wheel? Throwing our lines out only to bring up nothing The skies are bright, clear, and sunny Our tackle is set, our day is here Yet, why do we crank the wheel? Sometimes, we hope to throw our bait out To catch the biggest tha we can catch Then we bring in the brightest and heaviest equipment Our nine foot shore rods, our van saal reels. Only to turn up with nothing Why do we crank the wheel? When the seas don't want to cooperate We're in our gear Our Waders, our gloves, our hats, our spirits Cheer on our faces and patience as our virtue Only to continue to to find no pull on the line Why do we crank the wheel? What drives us to continue the same logic? Throw, pull, throw, pull What is the attraction that brings us here To smell the salt and feel the moisture To endure the percipitation, the hunger pains, the thirst Only to find nothing once more Why do we crank the wheel? Using our muscles, our will As the day comes to an end And nothing comes hom but our lures Do we feel satisfied? Unsatisfied? Determination masks the face A hard heart survives disappointment We make a day in our minds to attack the seas again Why do we crank the wheel Only to leave empty handed? A new day will always come A new season of opportunity awaits us Here we find the fun in waiting To try to find what sits for us out there To bring in the biggest of trophies Fighting with our muscles, sweating profusely The day will come when a smile arrives Why do we crank the wheel? To bring us closer to success! |
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No One Else There is nothing but anger left in me No remorse or regret to falter I am who I am I cannot pretend to be what I am not I and I alone Me and me alone There is no one left in this world but me I am my own blood, my own kind My species is near extinction Who can justify my existance? Me You have left me alone in this world, Lord You've taken away all my attatchments and bonds that support life You've pulled the chord and let me fall Down I go and no ground to hit at the end I'll continue down, lost in my problems Lost in my own stresses and worries Do you expect me to look back up? I spit at your request Funny, I'm only hit back with my own vengence Alone, a world that haunts me Anxiety, lightheaded, faint, lost of reality My anger clots my insight and intuition I only see black A void of absolutes no longer there You have hurt me for the last time I cannot escape family I cannot escape blood I cannot escape the pain, the regret But I can escape the remorse Because I am me, and no one else I will never change back to what I was God, you must put this to rest. |
Hero of my time It makes me sad To think that I have lost a soul From a life now destined to solitude Without you, I am forever trapped In a long despair You are no where to be found But standing far away in the distance Beyond my own sight Are you watching from where you are? Have you turned your back and decided to look back before you left? Years we have known each other Now strangers passing by Remember the way we use to look at each other Rmember the way we use to see each other why now, do we decide to stand apart You were the center of my world; of a little girl's hope Those are memories long gone and covered in dust They lay with the bright, late day sun, bathed in it's orange rays Thinking only of you and the smiles we once shared I stand in my own darkened reality Remembering how young I was Naive and innocent to all the world Sheltered and trapped from truth I looked up to you and found awe in your wisdom You were the hero of my time Standing in bronze and glistening in a dull light Glistening in the reflections of the crisp, hope-filled skies You changed my world and gave me insight You brought me comfort, strengh, and endurance I survived, with your support I survived, and stood my ground because you gave me ground to stand on Dreams were created because of you Far into the distance it waited My opportunity to catch it became prime when I was with you Oh, hero of my time I left you behind and you're long gone now I stand in the field where we once shared memories The grass worn down, tired, thin The trees older, taller, wiser, dimmer The fence rusted and broken, unfixable The sun setting in the distance, glowing in a dark orange and red But, I can still smell you, oh Autumn air! You rush back to me in the wind; standing there smiling But fade away... fade away... fade away into the distance Into years where your youth is preserved Where my innocents and joys were captured whole and complete Tears, fears of the coming night You're distant memory is my only comfort now Your time has passed, hero Your world has become one with the earth I had been let go so suddenly My opportuntiy exploding and calling me into it's world I grew into my role so quickly that you left my mind You've faded away with the green trees and green grass High on a hill, you're too far for me to reach now Carry on... carry on... I must go Life calls me But, you will always stand in my heart in the same way You come with me everywhere, no matter how or when I became you when my soul believed in you But you have faded away from me And all I have left of you are these tears |
