- Sideline Reporters -
8 February 2007
Does anyone actually care about sideline reporters? Seriously. Unless they have some seriously stunning physical attributes to share (see Erin Andrews… literally, you should go see here), they’ve got hardly anything to share at all.
One of the most annoying things about sideline reporters is when they give reports while the sporting event is going on. Very few sideline reports actually provide the viewer with worthwhile information, but reports that occur during the action on the court or field actually prevent the viewer from hearing about what he has tuned in to hear about… THE GAME!
Last night, I’m watching the UNC/Duke basketball game on ESPN. Mike Patrick is going through his always charming rendition of the play-by-play with Dick Vitale chiming in periodically about the vast abundance of Tarheel PTPers, the unparalleled wizardry of Mike Krysewski (except apparently when compared with opposing coach Roy Williams, whose wizardry is also evidently unparalleled), the Cameron Crazies, and a variety of other things that are allegedly either “sensational” or “unbelievable”. All of a sudden, during a North Carolina possession, they cut to the voice of the delightful Doris Burke, who is apparently standing in a soundproof tunnel somewhere near the court using an iron to flatten her hair even more against her head. As the ball is passed around and eventually shot before an apparent whistle stops play for some reason that we will apparently never know, Doris is telling us how much one of the “young men” playing for the Blue Devils really wants to beat their archrival and how much this game means to him. Wait. Hold on. You’re telling me that a college athlete has interest in winning games? Get the hell out of here! But seriously Doris, why don’t you make yourself useful and tell me who the foul was on?
It can get even worse than this. Let’s see, so many examples to choose from. Which one will I choose? I choose… morbidly obese BBQ-porking Tony Siragusa. So you’re watching the NFL on Fox with the melodic Dick Stockton and Daryl Johnston. The one team huddles and prepares to call the next play. In this case, the announcers don’t even bother cutting to the Goose… he just cuts right in himself, whenever he feels like it. “Hey guys, I’m sitting in the 4th row behind the endzone, and it is loud down here! I mean it is really loud! These fans are really getting into it! They really want their (insert team name here) to win this game!” Alright, first of all dude, it’s a football game. Unless it’s Detroit or Cleveland, it’s a fair bet that there are upwards of 60,000 fans packed in, and they probably didn’t come to eat $7 hot dogs and freeze to death. And secondly, if I’m listening to the game and not you, I might actually be able to hear the fans getting loud myself. Believe it or not, many people who watch NFL games can see AND hear, and better yet, a large percentage of those special folks can do both at the same time. I’m sure it will come as a great shock to you all to learn that Siragusa attended the University of Pittsburgh just like another former football player and current ESPN chotch factory work, Mark May (more on that in a later column).
Don’t get me wrong… sideline reporters can have their worth. For example, a pre-halftime interview with a choice question for a coach whose team is playing horribly can often result in some sweet facial expressions and occasionally a moderately restrained tirade. Any post game interview of a player with a particularly dynamic or unpredictable personality (Shaq, Chad Johnson) or the combination of exuberance and a sweet accent (Ronny Turiaf, Randy Moss if he were ever still on the field when the game ended) can provide a good laugh if not a valuable snippet of information. But that’s about where the line needs to be drawn.
