- Blingtastrophy -
14 February 2007
Alright, it looks like I’m going to have to be Bono for a second.
So I’m watching TV the other day and I see this ad for Zales. This average Joe type bloke is sitting at a table with a black Zales box in front of him, holding a Valentine’s Day card. He has the card half open and is staring in agony at it, presumably either in the throes of major constipation or trying way too hard to come up with something to write in it. Finally, after a few seconds of what would appear to be sheer horror, Lover Boy dismissively flips the card over his shoulder and smiles widely as he refocuses on the Zales box.
The message here is pretty obvious. There’s no need to fret over writing a card. Just fork over the bling and you’ll be all set. Not to sound like the Black Eyed Peas, but seriously, where is the love? When did ice become so cold?
I’m sure it’s one thing if you’ve got a concubine or some other shallow relationship which is mutually understood to be superficial only. Keep the stones coming, and you’re probably golden. I’m also aware that Valentine’s Day has really always been a “consumer” holiday to some degree like Christmas and many other major holidays to a lesser extent. But for goodness sake, there’s got to be a line somewhere. Kay Jeweler commercials, for example, generally try to portray at least some impression of legitimate feelings between the man giving the diamonds and the woman receiving them (I can’t say the same for DeBeers, which has been accurately parodied on Family Guy… the giving of the rock, followed by the silhouette of the woman kneeling down and then the words, “she’ll pretty much have to”). I know that the concept of love in this world is becoming increasingly fleeting by the day, but can’t we at least pretend in a Valentine’s Day commercial? Is it so much to ask?
And while we’re on the topic, writing in cards is really not as difficult as many people make it out to be. As long as you speak from the heart, you can just write a simple “I love you”, a line or two, a list of reasons why you love the person, a recollection of a special time with the person, or any of about one million other things. I’m not trying to be Dr. Phil here, but just about anything short of “Happy V-Day, I have V.D.” will cover it. There is no need to be Shel Silverstein or try to concentrate so hard that your cerebellum ruptures.