| Fun Stuff |
| Bagpipes for All Occasions |
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| Three Myths Dispelled Myth 1: It takes hard work and talent to play the bagpipes. Fact: The only talent most pipers have is for avoiding work. Myth 2: You can make fairly decent money playing the bagpipes. Fact: People will pay you much better money to stop. Myth 3: Your bagpipes will make you friends wherever you go. Fact: This is true if you never go anywhere. |
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| Ancient Piping Joke....... The lads are marching into battle, with the piper playing away like mad.... The enemy's arrows, swords and spears are creating bloody slaughter all through the irish ranks...... Ten men down, and the piper plays on..... Twenty men down, and still the pipes ring out..... Finally fifty men have fallen, and the chieftain says to the piper, "For heaven's sake, can you not play something they like?" - |
| BAND STRUCTURE!!! |
| Drum Major: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Faster than a speeding bullet More powerful than a locomotive Walks on Water Talks to God!!!!! |
| Piper: Leaps small buildings with a run-up Is a crack shot Pulls railway carriages Fords rivers Listens to god..... |
| Side Drummer: Vaults over fences is allowed his own sidearm Can read a railway timetable Knows how to put on fishing gollashes Believe in God..... |
| Tenor Drummer: Can open and walk through a door Knows which is the dangerous end of a gun Has his own train set Wears Wellington boots Talks to himslef....... |
| Bass Drummer: Trips over matchsticks Is NEVER allowed near firearms Says "Look at the CHOO-CHOO" Plays in puddles Nobody listens to him and finally..... |
| The Pipe Major: Lifts tall buildings and walks underneath them Catches bullets in his teeth and chews them Kicks locomotives off their tracks Drinks entire oceeans He IS GOD!!!!! |
| A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus. After ordering a drink he declares that his very talented octopus can play any instrument in the room and will bet $50 on it. So the fiddler accepts the bet and hands over his fiddle; the octopus takes it and plays beautifully; the fiddler hands over his $50. Another chap hands a trumpet to the octopus whereupon the octopus plays a thrilling trumpet solo; another $50 for the octopus. The same thing happens with a guitar and a set of drums - just imagine 8 arms playing the drums!!!!! Another $50 each. Then Hamish McTavish hands over his bagpipes and the octopus turns them first one way then the other.... The octopus looks rather puzzled. Nothing, not a sound........ Hamish says to the octopus: "That'll be $50 please since you can't play it!" "Play it?" says the octopus, "i'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get it out of its pyjamas!!!" |
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| Whats really worn under a Scotsmans Kilt!!??.. Ladies (or gents) if you've ever wondered this is your answer. Just as well he wasn't turned the other way!! or you would have seen the crown jewels as well!!!!! |
| A commercial traveller was travelling through the Scottish Highlands when his car broke down. There was a cottage nearby so he went up to it and knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal a burly highlander. "My car has conked out", said the traveller "where can I spend the night?" "Why right here" said the Scot, "come in and avail yourself of our world famous hospitality". The traveller duly entered the cosy but humble residence. "Jeannie," shouted the host in the direction of the kitchen, and in response to his call his beautiful daughter appeared. "Jeannie, make a meal for the gentleman and remember to uphold our great tradition of Highland hospitality." The traveller was soon tucking into an appetising meal, the girl had indeed spared no effort to extend Highland hospitality to the guest. "And now," said the Highlander,"I'm afraid I must go out and milk the cows, but just make yourself at home and take full advantage of our world famous Highland hospitality." No sooner had the door closed behind him than the traveller set about seducing the lovely daughter. In no time at all he had her on the floor and was on the job. Suddenly the door opened and there stood the Highlander. He took one look at what was going on and his face turned purple with rage. He dropped his two buckets of milk with a crash and gave verbal vent to his wrath. "After all I have been saying about the Highland Hospitality," he roared, "Arch your back woman, and take the poor man's balls off the cold floor." |
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| Beer and N!? |
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| Kids will be kids, won't they!!!! |
| talk about putting the wind up your kilt!!!! |
| The Crown Jewells on show for all to see |
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