Get them all in a room and gas them.
Well, lets face it, the only people listening to this crap are little girls or feminine boys plus the odd ironic student thrown in for good luck. But still, it's always been the same- this is no new chip to be burdened. From the days of New Kids on the Block, Bad Boys Inc. and Take That, little has changed until now, the days of 5ive, Boyzone and Backstreet Boys. It's always been as shallow, repulsive and downright stomach churning so I guess we ought to accept it.
It is unfair to simply say that pop hasn't changed at all. It has become noticeable that the new brand of boy band has changed its musical style slightly, heading down faux hip hop, cheesy rapping and arm waving avenues, slightly different to the old days when most of the time it was just ballads or a straight singalong. It is noticable when observing Boyzone how much they keep with the old style but this is obviously because they came about during the parting months of Take That.
So why do I hate it? I hate manufacturing- pop bands in particular. I think it's a down right lie to call them bands in the first place because not one of them can play an instrument. Except occassionally you get a 'leader' of a band eg. Gary Barlow who could probably play the piano and I remember Owen boasting how he could play the two chords necessary for a guitar part. Or was that PJ and Duncan- don't matter either way, they're all the same. Take That did seem to be the unique exception by having a decent songwriter as part of the gang (Just because I don't like the songs doesn't mean they're bad).
Not only can they not play but half these boys couldn't sing to start off with- I mean what sort of arrogance does it take for a non-musician, non-singer to want to enter the world of professional music? You could say that half the guitar bands today aren't great musicians, but at least they're willing to pick up an instrument and get a tune out of it, eventually. Grrrrr
Whilst writing this I've found it hard to come up with a large number of different examples of boy bands. Now I KNOW that there have been millions over my years of listening to music yet I can think of relatively few. Which just proves a point. These bands don't stick around long enough to lodge a notch in your memory. I used to buy the NOW compilations so I kind of know what I'm talking about but I remember these bands little and the songs even less.
Then there's the female contribution. The female acts can be categorised fairly simply- there's the Girl Power (Oh God, what a terrible contradiction that phrase turned out to be, but that's a different subject) bands eg. Spice Girls, B*witched and there's the R&B influenced sweet harmonies of those like All Saints, Cleopatra. Of course the fragile bridge crossing over this is sex. Don't even bother trying to form a girl band unless at least two of the members are fit. They don't even have to be good looking (B*witched) as long as they give off that air.
They very recently got a UK no.1 with a dreadful upbeat ballad plus the AA side Bee Gees song Tragedy. My, that's original, cover a Bee Gees song, like that has't been done about thirty times already. What is this obsession with them? So, now Steps are the next big thing. A group who make songs about/for line dancing and rip off ABBA. I hope they all get shipped to Yemen and used as shields.
But there is one pop band that I do seem to have much respect for. This is a band that can actually perform live. No, I don't mean dance live, I mean play and sing live. Oh yeah, and they can play too. Not only that but they are actually sexy, I don't mean 20 trucks of make up sexy (Ginger), they are naturally sexy. Except that bloke, but I assume (Excuse my sexism), he's the song writer- if not he plays the guitar. If you haven't guessed already (duh), I'm talking about the Corrs.
"So," I hear you say, "you're all high and mighty, but what sort of music do you like?" I listen to a fairly large range including lots of Rock and bits of Indie, Dance and Heavy Metal. If I was american, I would be an alternative fan, which I guess does fit the bill quite well. It's pretty mainstream but it's not pop.
"Alternative? You mean alternative to a tune?" Well, I cannot deny that you're not exactly handed the tune on a plate with the music I listen to but that's because there are other things going on. There's counter melodies, there's effects, there's a shitload of feedback etc. "But it's so slow and depressing." It's not like I listen to the music I LISTEN to in order to get down and boogie. That's where dance music comes in, I never LISTEN to that. I want something I can have on at home or wherever and does not drain my mind of all thinking. Even the most mindless of genres, 90s US Punk (eg. Offspring, Green Day, NOFX) is actually very funny if you can make out the words so quite the opposite to depressing. Bands like Bad Religion actually have something to say too.
Taking three of my favourite acts- Nine Inch Nails, Tori Amos and REM- it is impossible not to recognise the musicianship involved. Tori Amos is undoubtedly a fantastic piano player and singer, her lyrics being both incredibly surreal and disturbingly frank. Although it could be easy for a casual listener to discount it as noise, the contrasting nature of Nine Inch Nail's music is far far more interesting than the constant Steps. Even during the 'noise' sections, there is so much going on that every listen you notice something different going on in the background. Then there's REM, every member an expert of their instrument and often an expert at their colleague's job as well. And why?
invented that cancer girl chain letter. Don't get a Free Home Page off them.