I use an introduction routine when ever I see people looking at the program guide.   Unfortunately, most people aren't paying attention to me when I start it and it goes so fast that they miss it even the second time.  So here for your enjoyment is: My Introduction routine:

"Robert N. Leech, Official tour guide of King Richard's Faire." (points to self with cane)
"This is my hat Arthur." (points to hat with cane)
"Perhaps I can answer a question." (pointing to self with cane)
"If not, perhaps Arthur can," (points to hat with cane)
"and if Arthur can't, no one need know the answer."
"Not even the Pope himself..."
"Ask me a question." (leans on cane)

Most people are dumbfounded when I finish so I have to ask them to ask me a question again.  However, I once had a patron who thought he'd get me.
When I asked him to ask me a question, he quick asked, "Why is the sky blue?"   With out batting an eye, I answered, "If it was green, we wouldn't know where to stop mowing."

I like it when people have questions like that.  They're never expecting a quick answer ever.  Which is what makes it so much fun.