Re: White privilege: Something to think about
 
Author: Citizen Ted
Email: hamster@omit.nas.com
Date: 1998/05/19
Forums: rec.sport.football.college, alt.tasteless 

vb@cyberzonenet.movedot (Robert Kerr) wrote:

>Thank you for playing.  I'm not sure what a muscle-tard is but I do
>not think the people in alt.tasteless would appreciate your
>insinuation.  Let us keep this football chat room clean and free from
>bad names calling.  Just because tasteless people don't like football
>or college does not mean they are dumb or diseased.

        Fascinating. 
        As an armchair anthropologist, I am always interested in discovering
new specimens to add to my anthropic lexicon. You can imagine my joy
at isolating another proto-human subject: the muscle-tard.
        Not only does the muscle-tard exhibit classic Paleolithic reasoning
skills, it also finds itself able to display these faults across
electronic communication networks.
        Let's take a look:

>Thank you for playing.  I'm not sure what a muscle-tard is but I do
>not think the people in alt.tasteless would appreciate your
>insinuation. 

        The second sentence, though winding in its path toward lucidity,
demonstrates clearly an inability to grasp simple concepts. Obviously,
alt.tasteless is not the kind of forum where one would expect moral
outrage toward a perceived negative epithet. In fact, alt.tasteless is
renown for its devotion to cruel thrusts and unedited vicious
comments.
        Thus, the insinuation of one being a "muscle-tard" would be not only
appreciated, but *celebrated*.
        Let's move on:
        
>Let us keep this football chat room clean and free from
>bad names calling.

        From quasi-lucidity to open-mouthed idiocy seems to be a short hop for
the muscle-tard. Here, we discover that the muscle-tard is unable to
distinguish which communications network he is using. Apparently, the
muscle-tard is posting to Usenet under the mistaken assumption that he
is in IRC, despite the lack of real-time response and the glaringly
one-way interface of the application.
        This moronic inability to grasp even the simplest of Internet
protocols harkens back to the nearly genetic stupidity of the
ring-tailed lemur. Lemurs, while able to feed their troupe and engage
in simplistic communication skills, often find themselves so confused
by their own jungle cacophony that fatal accidents can result.
        Additionally, a repeat misunderstanding of the nature of the forum to
which he posted demonstrates a repeat tendency toward misinformation.
Thus, we can transcend a previous assumption of ignorance and make a
solid case for rank stupidity.

> Just because tasteless people don't like football
>or college does not mean they are dumb or diseased.

        Ah, the capper!
        Here we see a sublimation of a proto-human form into something far
lower on the food chain. The toddler-like sentence structure fails to
denote the meaning of the pronoun included, and the first clause is
unsupported by any previous statements.
        Such a grievous public failure of intellectual rigor is quite notable,
and adds tremendously to our understanding of the muscle-tard. 
        As we watch the muscle-tards during their public performances in local
communities, it behooves us to understand more deeply their
motivations and the socio/genetic eccentricities which created such
motivations.
        Only through rigorous, peer-reviewed study can we hope to reach a more
solidified conclusion about the prevalence of muscle-tards and their
place in American culture.

        - TR
        - "On the Origin of Muscle-Tards and the Pervasiveness of
          Semi-Literate Athletes as American Icons"