 Woody the Woodpecker on Noah's Ark
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Exchange Rate
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God. "God", he said, "how long is a million years?"
God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God answered, "To Me, it's a penny."
The man smiled and asked, "God, can I have a penny?"
God smiled and said, "In a minute."
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Smart Kid One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" |
Irreplaceble person Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most valued members, Someone Else. Someone's passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. Else has been with us for many years and for every one of those years, Someone did far more than a normal person's share of the work. Whenever there was a job to do, a class to teach, or a meeting to attend, one name was on everyone's list, "Let Someone Else do it." Whenever leadership was mentioned, this wonderful person was looked to for inspiration as well as results; "Someone Else can work with that group." It was common knowledge that Someone Else was among the most liberal givers in our church. Whenever there was a financial need, everyone just assumed Someone Else would make up the difference. Someone Else was a wonderful person; sometimes appearing superhuman. Were the truth known, everybody expected too much of Someone Else. Now Someone Else is gone! We wonder what we are going to do. Someone Else left a wonderful example to follow, but who is going to follow it? Who is going to do the things Someone Else did? When you are asked to help this year, remember -- we can't depend on Someone Else anymore. |
That Settles That |
Shows What You Know! One of the college�s Professor�s, a man who was full of himself and didn�t believe in God, overheard the boy and asked him what he was carrying on about. "I�m just amazed at God�s power" the boy said happily, "I just read about how God parted the Red Sea so the whole nation of Israel could pass right through it on dry ground to escape the Pharoah�s army." The Professor snorted indignantly and said, �Modern scholarship has proven, without a doubt, that what is written in the Bible as the Red Sea was actually the Reed Sea which is a small lake near the Red Sea and which was only about 10-inches deep at that time of year. That�s why the Israelites were able to wade across." The boy who�d been listenly to his elder respectfully, nodded his head sadly and returned to his reading. But before the Professor had taken two steps the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The Professor turned back to him in annoyance saying, �What are you carrying on about now? "God is just so amazing!" exclaimed the boy happily, "He saved the Israelites by drowning the Pharoah�s entire army in 10 inches of water!" |
You Have To Do Your Part Every year there was a fellow named Joe who would pray and ask God to help him when the Lottery. Every year he would pray and every year he would lose. Finally one day, angry at never having helped him win, he asked God, �Why don�t You ever help me? Don�t you care that I�ve prayed to you faithfully about this every year. Why can�t I win the Lottery?� Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself who says to him, "Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket." |
You�ve Got It Better Then You Think If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege. Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years. Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return. Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the man in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed his children. Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity. Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!! |
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