Easter With An Aetheist

I offer you a non-conventional Easter tale one which you might like one which you might not.  But it's mine and it's here so read on if you wish otherwise have a nice day and Happy Easter.

For starters I'm an atheist which is tough during any holiday season but particularly during Easter.  What the hell are we celebrating exactly. The rebirth of Christ via bunny's and flowers.  Why?  Cause this is your co-opted pagan spring festival, I can dig that. So this Easter I do as usual and celebrate the good people at Cadbury, I mean hell the only thing I look forward to this time of year is those creme eggs.  Yall know what I'm talking about. 

But I digress, all the time.  This season I've been looking for a reason to give a damn and been largely unable to do so.  I tried to write a blasphemous story but I couldn't get it together to do it.  Didn't want to offend Christians and pervert the holiday imagine that.  So I've been thinking here for a while.  You see right now I'm fighting a bit of manic depression as best I can figure.  I'm always looking for something at points like this and well the holiday gives me something to focus on. 

Tonight it is the things I have to celebrate and those things which scare me most.  Coming up very quickly is the one year anniversary of my diagnosis with leukemia and that haunts me a bit.  It was on the 24th of April last year when I got the news that changed my life.  That date and those experiences still hang in my mind, not quite as vivid as they used to be but its a specter that stays with me.  Along with that coming up I also have finals week upcoming and this is a concern for me.  After that I fly to Amsterdam for the better part of a week before starting summer school.  I guess all this has played a bit of havoc on my mind. 

So when I sat down to talk to yall again I wasn't sure what would come out.  So here it is.  On this Easter I realize in a year my life really hasn't seemed to go anywhere.  I'm back in a finals weekend feeling sick and gearing up for finals and summer school.  And my thoughts are still a thousand miles away with a woman I barely see or talk to.  But she still holds my heart like never before.  So what am I supposed to give thanks for? 

Well I give thanks for those very things which from day to day seem to keep me stagnant.  I curse the distance, I curse school, I curse the loneliness, but in the same stead I have to be thankful for them.  I realize one year ago I was in real danger of losing them all.  And I have come to realize that all too many people who were in those shoes ended up losing it.  There were days I feared I'd never attend a class, IM the woman I love, send an email, or write a web page.  Today I do all those things.  And though I know as well as everyone that I'll forget all this soon enough for the day I'll embrace them.  In a sense this Easter is a celebration of my rebirth.  In my own way I'm back from the dead, maybe I haven't changed all that much, but I guess in this case a return to the way things were is an accomplishment in itself.  Soon I'll be mad again and forget what there is that I'm thankful for.  My regeneration and the newness of that which is old is temorary.  In my heart there is discontent.  But even this atheist can find something in Easter, and here I share it with you.

Happy Easter