| mental drama i don�t know when i starting acting. it must have been when my life turn fictional. all that I can do is wait for my next queue, so I can continue with this act. i hide behind the curtains whenever i am scared or tired of being center stage. my tears look as though they are just part of the play. improvising i suppose. they have a name for everything. the applause die down and they all tilt on the edge of their seats, awaiting my next move. i change costumes and walk on to be stared at and judged. their eyes tear me apart and the comments never seem to be enough to put me back together. my performances are quite as good as they think they should be. i can never live up to the standards that have been set before me. i suppose Im not good enough. i guess ive been away from life to long. i don�t know the standard of acting anymore. its all been an act anyway. its not like it matters to them. after they leave i am still here on my own in the dead of the spotlights. with the heat still running over my body, the drama still occurs in my imagination. i can still see them. their eyes that burn like candles in the night light. their judgment haunts me in my dreams and nightmares. all i do is scream and hope that my next performance is satisfactory to their wishes. |