| The idea of being the "Rain King" also comes from the book "Henderson The Rain King" by Saul Bellow. The main character Eugene Henderson is, as Adam Duritz of Counting Crows calls him, an open wound of a person. In other words, someone who just bleeds over everything and everyone around him. He's far too open in his personal relationships to have anyone stay in his life for long. He was born into money, yet is struggling to find what HIS purpose really is. And so when a string of events happens that he blames himself for, he decides to go on safari to Africa to try to find himself and quiet the voice in his head that keeps repeating "I want I want I want I want". I relate to the character because I too have not yet discovered my purpose. And I also pour myself all over everyone around me. Rushing this, pushing that. Making a mess in general of everything within reach. It's why I'm alone and unable to keep anyone in my life for any substantial period of time. On the other hand, it's also me, and I'm unable to change. It's not that I haven't tried, I just always convince myself this time will be different. And sometimes it is- for a little while. But it all ends the same- with me alone in an ever diminishing world. By that I mean simply that my world is getting smaller. Friends move away, you lose touch with acquaintances, the circle of people you communicate with on a regular basis is getting smaller and smaller. Others simply move on and get on with their lives, and I can't help but feel left behind. Not that it's anybody's fault, I just wonder when will it be my turn? Did I already have my turn and didn't know to hold on? The kind of questions that disappear when hope makes an appearance in my life, and then quickly reappear stronger than ever as soon as it leaves. But getting back to the topic, Eugene Henderson simply wants someone and/ or something to validate his existence, until he learns that happiness comes from within. And that's the second part of what makes me the Rain King. |