Catapult
From "Recovering The Satellites"

All of a sudden she disappears
Just yesterday she was here
Somebody tell me if I am sleeping
Someone should be with me here
(Cause I don't wanna be alone)

I wanna be the knife
That cuts into my hand
And I wanna be scattered from here
In this catapult
What a big baby
Won't somebody save me please
You won't find nobody home

All of these quiet, battered voice
Wait for the hunger to come
We got little revolvers
and stupid choices
And no one to say when we're done
(Well I don't wanna bring you down)

I wanna be the light
That burns out your eyes
'Cause I know there's little things about me
That would sing in the silence of
So much rejection
In every connection I make
I wanna be the last thing that you hear
When you're falling asleep

I wanna be the knife
That cuts into my hand
I wanna be scattered
From here in this catapult
What a big baby
Won't somebody save me please
I can't find nobody home
    Ah, yes, we begin to explore the darker side of Counting Crows.  These first few songs were written at a time when AD was coming to terms with being a star.  They're a little bitter, a little furious, and a whole lot more electric than anything we'd heard before from them.
     AD says he wrote this song thinking of Kurt Cobain, and how his death affected him.  During the tour for August and Everything After, Duritz got a little freaked out dealing with his incredibly increasing fame.  Cobain's death made it clear that maybe you can't deal with everything blowing up around you.  It made Duritz take a breath and re-center himself.
     I identify with this song because I have time after time questioned anything and everything about my existence.  Who I was, who everyone around me was, what was really important to me.  And the truth is that for a spell I had no idea what was real to me.  I bounced around for a bit.  Acted like a complete ass.  Hurt a couple of people who really didn't deserve it.  And just made my world a mess in general.
     There was a time where I just wish I could pack up and move and leave all this confusion behind.  Just shoot myself into some undiscovered world and just start from scratch.  Find a place where nobody knew me.  Where nobody knew my weaknesses.  Where I could live like the person I always wanted to.
     The feeling that you are truly alone in this world is something I've struggled with from time to time.  Sure there are people who care for me.  But not many people who share my beliefs.  And when you're out there wondering what it takes to make you happy, you feel the urge to flee.  And create your own world where everyone thinks like you.  And everyone's home when you want them to be, and you can shine like a star and be the kind of person you always wanted to be.
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