Putting aside the question of “what the hell is a woodchuck anyway?”, let me tell you something. The tongue twister associated with this mystery animal has long been a favorite of mine. I use it all the time when I need to make sure that my vocal ability is currently functioning. The thing that I often recall is an article that I once read. A guy was claiming that he had solved this problem. He actually had figured out how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood. He had answer it was a number. 700 pounds. This guy, in a fit of inanity (or insanity if you prefer) actually went and calculated this, and then went and put it in a magazine. Now in a certain sense this guy is my hero. In another sense he is the biggest loser in history. Either way there is one problem. Did you spot it yet? Let me clear it up. Time. How long does it take this critter to chuck 700 pounds of wood. Thanks buddy. The world may never know. Thankfully, the world may never care.