I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had. It came when I tried to classify humans, and I realized that you’re not actually mammals.

So says agent Smith.

I must admit my surprise that I am actually, apparently following up on my movie idea/plan. You see a rant began forming in my twisted mind. Speaking into my own mind I prefaced my rant with those very words. Then in a fit of circular coolness I realized that Smith’s rant might actually be connected to my own. So. I have decided to attempt this verbal connection.

Every now and then I have an idea. Or I try something exiting, or stupid or crazy. This is my revelation: No matter how disgusting, stupid, dangerous, crazy, brilliant, or strangely erotic your (or my) idea is chances are there is someone out there who does it twice a week. I’m not saying that it is completely impossible for you to go you whole life without a single original idea or unique experience. I am saying that it is likely. In fact you have probably heard this very rant in other words at other times. So what? Two things.

One: You may have a brilliant idea on how to fix some giant problem, or worse, fix some tiny problem.Third person example: Joe Blow walking down the street, suddenly, Fenchurch style, figures out how to cure world hunger, secure peace in the middle east, provide health care for all Americans, eliminate or dramatically reduce violent crime, save the whales, stop global warming, fix the ozone layer, cure racism, or whatever his bone-headed or noble pet project is. Before he raises an army, runs for office, brings a class action lawsuit, or riots in the streets and robs an electronics store. He, and more importantly, me and the rest of the world, would be well served if he would go to the history section of a fucking library and check to see if: Someone else ever tried to put this brilliant idea in to practice. Personally I suggest paying special attention to great communist and fascist dictators. In fact have a close look at dictators in general, from my reading they’ve been chock full of brilliant ideas. If after that Joe still thinks he has an idea both original and brilliant, then and only then, should he proceed.

Two: It doesn’t mean that you are stupid or average. If you go through your life never being the first to have an idea and never being the first to have a experience it doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t take anything away from you. You might dream up a beautiful story, or mathematical proof, or philosophical or metaphysical doctrine, only to find out that someone else thought up he same thing in AD 400. In my experience this happens all the time. You know that sum function where you add up all the numbers from 1 to 100 or something like it? The story goes that the guy who came up with it first did so in first grade. I have some reservations about the story. But the nifty part, to me, is that I came up with the same thing on my own. It wasn’t in first grade, and, to be honest it didn’t occur to me why you would ever want to sum numbers in that fashion. But there it is, clearly that proves it, I’m smart. Where was I? Yes Australia. And you must have suspected that I would have known the powders origin..No wait. My point is just because you are not the first in history doesn’t necessarily mean that you are unoriginal. I know that you’ve heard that “nobody has had an original thought since...” crap and I suggest you discount it. Next time you get a chance, when you are riding an elevator, sit down. On the floor. You won’t be the first person to do so but you will from that point on, actually know what it feels like to sit in an elevator. You might even get that squiggley feeling in your stomach that comes from harmless deviance from the norm.

How does this relate to Agent Smith? I, for one, have heard his little rant before. It is not a new sentiment. The nice thing in this case is that it is not an example of embracing death. He actually represents the enemy of humans. What I’m saying is I’ve heard this “Blight upon the earth” thing before and this is what I say.

BRING. IT. ON.

Look. I have no quarrel with mother earth. But if she really does think that I’m a problem then it’s me or her. Have you ever had your flu apologize to you and retreat? OK once but that was only AFTER I kicked it’s little viral ass. I don’t really care if the humans are the bad guys. The humans are me. If that’s speciecistic...well... I don’t give a flying fuck in a rolling doughnut. The lesson to be learned here is just a few scenes later that punk-assed agent gets his sorry ass (and the rest of him) blown apart. If he’s the cure then the virus just got antibiotic resistant.....Bitch.