November 29, 2005 I thought I'd squeeze one more entry in before the end of the month. Life has been unusual lately. Loads of things going on, lots of homework and tests, lots of work, lots of things needing my attention. God is most definitely stretching me. I suppose I need it, I do tend to be more like metal or wood then rubber which stretchs well. I tend to not work in His strength. (even though I know I should) Lately, I've been feeling kinda down. I mean I have joy inside of me, it's just not shinning through as much lately. Which makes it hard. But I have emotions inside of me that I can't find an outlet for. It's either not a good time, or I feel like there wrong, or it's an inappropriate person. I don't feel like I should/can get them out. Which sounds so weird coming from me, but I've been trying really hard to be more emotionally stable and that means putting up with more right? I'm trying not to be the "emotional wrek" anymore. Although I gotta say I did a really bad job on Sunday. *sigh* I didn't want to go to church that day. Three reasons why, #1, I was sooo tired, I just wanted some sleep. #2 I had a butload of homework with only an afternoon to do them it (babysitting in the evening) and lastly, #3 I knew that I would start crying the second I started to sing worship songs. Oh yeah, I cried, I sobbed, I couldn't stop crying. I started after the first verse of the first song, and stopped shortly after the last song. I didn't want to, I'm trying to be stronger. I'm trying to use God's strength, I've been praying for it soo much the past few days. But it's soo hard when your heart is breaking (and that's not a bad thing). Remember, my heart breaks really easy. I just hate seeing people I love hurt, upset or to have anything wrong with them. It's just with school, and work, and everything else I'm just being stretched. But I know it will be okay, b/c I know God's doing this to teach me patience, understanding and to lean on Him. I'm just not so good at the actually learning part sometimes. Oh, I'm good at the application, but the actually learning takes a while for me sometimes. I know I haven't been smiling as much lately, and I know that I seem down and upset, but honestly, I'm okay. Or I will be, what's the difference? Three more weeks and then I get a break. I have taken back my previous thoughts about Missouri, I think a break will be great. I am going to read and basically do nothing. Maybe explore Dexter Missouri lol. I mean God is good, He's given me two really good days at school after a really bad week at school. I can see the little "pick-me-ups" that He places in my path each day and I cling to those right now. He is so awesome that way. November 24, 2005 Wow, it's been a few days sine I've written anything. But I've been sooo insane with school work!!!! And when I wasn't doing homework, studying or anything else related to school, I was working, or hanging out with people. But I managed to find a few minutes to write here b/c I'm doing this inside-*ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!*. *takes deep breath* Ahh, soo much better lol. I probably should be studying right now, I have my third test today in about half an hour but I've done like 3 1/2 hours of studying at school today and I just came to a point where nothing was going in. It's like when you have a sponge and it's fully saturated, try adding water to it, it just falls away. That is what my brain feels like today. A fully saturated sponge. Oh well, not much I can do about that I suppose. Now I've been feeling kinda weird recently. I don't know how to explain it. Grant says I really haven't been myself much lately. Even Denise made a comment the other day when she caught me smiling, she said "that's the first time I've seen you smiling in a month". I'm kinda feeling better, but I'm still mellow for the most part. I guess everything is just wearing me down, I mean I knew it would but I've only got like 3 weeks of school left and then I get a break so that will be okay then. I've just got lots to do right now! I really like my high average at school right now that I'm not willing to lose that. Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much about my marks b/c then I could slack off and not study as much or put as much effort into my reports and projects but I do care. I gotta say it is such a weird feeling having straight A's. To be in the top percentile of my class regarding grades. I mean I love school, I don't mind the work at all. I guess it's been ever since I started working around 24 hours a week on top of being in class for 20 hours a week. That doesn't leave a lot of time for homework, volunteer work, friends or family. But hey Christmas is coming soon and I get like 3 weeks off!! Mind you I am going to Missouri for Christmas, I'm actually soo not looking forward to that. I mean there will be absolutely no snow!! How can you have Christmas without snow. I asked Grant to take a digital picture of the snow and e-mail it to me, I really hope he does b/c that is actually something that is really important to me. So I'm fine, I'm well, I'm good, it's just starting to become crunch time so I guess I'm just feeling the pressure. (Oy, just wait until exams start lol!!) Peace out!! November 16, 2005 *cough* *cough* Sorry, this cold is killing me lol. I just can't seem to shake it. *pout* lol, j/k. I'm fine. Or I will be soon, does it really matter? So last night we had split night at youth, it went really well. I think this is the first time that I've actually had a real split night, usually there are like NO girls that go to youth so I would have like one girl show up. But this year I am the only female leader at youth and it's working quite well for me b/c I actually have a decent sized small group. And I like working with the girls across the grades. It's fun to see them interact with eachother. And it's really neat to see girls that I spent time with in grade nine reach out to other grade nines now that their in grade 12. And to see the growth in some of them is so awesome! For our split group we went to Value Village. Lol, that was fun. Then we went out and shot pool at Boomtown. That was great. I had a great night. So in my one class we have to do an advocacy paper. Our topic is one that I 100% disagree with and were pro it. I mean it won't stop me from doing the job, but I do think it will be a streching experience. Half of my group is for it and the other half is against it. And my only reason for being against it is b/c of religious reasons. So it's hard to discuss why I'm against it without sounding like I'm being prejudice. I think I basically told the one girl that my church b/c of the bible says that it's wrong so that is why I'm against it. She is like totally for it. (I'm purposely not saying what the topic is b/c I don't know where everybody else stands on this particular topic and I don't want to offend anybody, if you'd like to know, ask me or e-mail me)So this should be an interesting project. I told them I'd do the write up. (if I can avoid doing research that would be good, the only bad part is that we have to present it and show passion about the topic, that will be really hard) But other than that particular project, school is going great. I got my exam schedule. I have 6 exams. My last one is the Friday, the 16th I think. I have 2 exams Tuesday, 2 Wednesday, 1 Thursday and 1 Friday. (or something akin to that) Next week is gonna be brutal though. I have 4 tests, 2 major projects and some smaller ones due. I think I'm gonna be doing a lot of work the next few days b/c I have nothing due right now. Anyways class shall be starting without me if I don't leave! lol!! November 11, 2005 Happy Remembrance Day. At 11:00 at work today we actually stopped at Timmies and had a moment of silence. Here is to all the vetrans. So I got my first paycheque today. That kinda makes it worthwhile you know? lol. And today was nice and busy so I didn't mind working at all. I'm also finally getting the hang of it now. I'm getting faster and my feet aren't hurting as much. Now I'm not sure if that's b/c I got new insoles for my shoes or b/c I'm just getting used to it lol. So I hung out with Kelly last night. We had our own little birthday party. Turns out her newphew was born on our birthday too lol. She got me all this lavender stuff lol, Grant will be happy. Like Lavender perfume, lip balm, soap and some other really neat stuff. Seigi's sister actually makes all this stuff, she grows the lavender and makes the lip balm and the powder and even the purfume. I think that's really cool. But it was soo good to see Kelly again. It had been a while. She made me perogies. And we caught up, and trust me there was a lot to catch up on lol. I'm thinking that I would rather get into counselling than teaching. I'm going to see what my options are but I think I'm gonna finsih off EA and then go into second year Child and Youth worker. That would be 3 more years of school instead of just 1. But I really think that is something that I would be interested in, and better at. So I'm gonna do some praying. (I mean I've got 2 years to decide lol) But the more I take Psychology and learn about children the more I think I want to counsel them. I'm better at giving advice and offering helpful suggestions than at teaching somebody how to do something. And this job gets to help children just as much as being an EA would. I really feel this on my heart and I think that is what I should be doing. But I do feel like I should finish EA first. (I mean hey, it can only help and I like to finish things that I start) But school is going pretty good. There are like a whole slew of projects coming up due soon and I'm working more in the future. This week I have 21 hours and next week I have 24 (which is awesome b/c it is more than I expected) I bascially work 3 shifts a week, I can handle that. I'm just getting to a point where I'm like "AHHH". But it'll work out. I'm not willing to let my school work suffer so I guess I'll just have to let something else suffer. I have found myself doing more homework during breaks at school instead of just playing games online. Plus I've been staying home a lot more. But one good thing is that I haven't been letting my sleep suffer. (I can't do that, if I let my sleep suffer I'm done for) Espically b/c I'm sick right now. I thought I was busy before, but that was nothing compared to this. But I don't mind it b/c I know it's good for me, and I mean, I love school. And hey it might only be for another 3 years lol! Okay speaking of school perhaps I should get a head start on a research essay! Love ya'll! November 9, 2005 So I'm 23 today. Boy do I feel old lol!! I got to enjoy my favourite meal complete with angel food cake. I got exactly what I wanted, now I have to make a new Christmas list lol. I basically wanted a leather bound study bible and a hair straightner and I got them both today. Plus a bunch of other neat things. It was a pretty good day despite the rain and all lol. So I've got a cold *kicks cold* but other than that I think I'm doing pretty good. I'm on top of my homework and I haven't got any major stuff due till like Monday. I get to work on Friday and Saturday morning. Oi, there is something wrong about getting up to go to work for 7:00am on a Saturday!! But hey at least I get the afternoon, evening off. I feel like I should have lots to talk about but I don't. Like I don't know, you know? Wow, could I be any more vague *checks* nope. I feel full but I don't know what to write down, or perhaps I don't know how. I had a really good day today, but yesterday sucked. My life has been kinda yo yoish lately. And that tends to make things worse. I think I'm trying really hard to control my emotions and they are giving me a run for my money. Maybe that's it, I'm just feeling worn down from so much effort put into remaining stable. Good theory, I'll give it some more though. Okay well I'm outie, got nothing much else to write. PEACE!! November 5, 2005 So I'm offically certifited. (and no, not insane) I got my cert for CPR/First Aid today. I finished the course and they gave us our cards. Brilliant isn't it? Now I have everything that I need to finish my course. Speaking of my course I got more grades back, lol, I'm doing really well in school. It's kinda freaky actually! Not so much freaky, just werid for me. I'm quite excited about it. I never thought I get that good. I mean I'm in the 90's for most of my classes. (that thought blows my mind!!) Once again I'm just so grateful that God has given me an opportunity to go to school. Cody said something to me the other day that I thought was awesome. We were talking about Grant and I and she said that she couldn't imagine Grant with anybody else and that she couldn't imagine me with anybody else. She totally complimented us on how well we fit together. That I agree with. Sometimes it's just mind boggling. I don't know how to explain it. The area's that I struggle with, that I have problems with. He is strong there and he helps me with them. And the same goes the other way. It's been seven months now and I can't belive it's been that long! I've never dated anybody for this long. I just love him more each day, each time he comes through for me. And it was just so awesome to see that Cody noticed that as well and that she feels the same way. It was reaffirming and it was very supportive. Awesome! Well I should probably be heading off to work. So I'm outie!! November 1, 2005 Happy Halloween! I was gonna write something yesterday but I was kinda studying, taking care of Weaver and having fun at a Halloween party. So here's my belated Halloween wish! So good news, Weaver came out of surgery perfectly fine. Well if perfectly fine is seeing your dog act like he's plastered out of his mind!! LOL!! It was soo funny, I almost felt bad laughing at him, until I saw him stagger across the floor and colapse as soon as we shut the door. I had to carry/push him into and out of my car. Mommy had to carry him up the stairs after we brought him home. He's feeling much better this morning. He actually didn't need any help getting outside. We left him upstairs to sleep b/c we didn't think it would be a good idea to make him face stairs. But he's doing okay and that makes me feel a lot better. *smiles* Although it is too bad that he has diarrhea. The poor vet, he made such a mess in one of their cages. He is a nervous dog, and mommy fed him a bone the night before surgery and he might have something, soo yeah, all those together is a bad combo. But he seems to be doing soooo much better. When I first got him his eyes weren't focused and he looked soo spaced! Lol. But he's okay, he gets his stiches out in two weeks. (I'm gonna have such a hard time getting him back to the vets!!) So I got straight S's for my midterms lol. Why won't they give me real marks? Well that 89% from the one class, well she rounded it up to 90%!! Sweet!! And the best part of all!!! I got my math midterm back and I got 96%!! I was stoked!!! I had a test today and she marked them and we got to see our marks, I got 89% on that one! (which is really good b/c I was kinda nervous about it b/c I didn't feel like I studied enough for it) And I got back a project today, 90%. Lol, I'm being completely spoiled with all these good marks! (but hey I'm happy with them lol) So work seems to be going pretty good. I'm getting more of the hang of it. I learned drive through on my midnight shift. Nice kid that I worked with. I've got like 22 hours this week so that's good. What else about work? Not too much else. I'm getting more relaxed. Starting new jobs always stresses me out. I'm kinda weird that way. New things freak me out lol! But I'm once again so grateful that God gave me a job, that He's provided for me. I'm so amazed by Him sometimes!! Well I think that about sums up today for me. It's been a good day. This weekend I'm going to a birthday party at the Barron's. Well techincally it's at the Rosettis. Were having a party for Denise, Dot, Iris and they said for me. (oi, my birthday) I got Denise and Iris something cute. But I think I should get them something else. *ahh, looks at the clock* I have to run to my next class!! See ya!!