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January 25, 2006 Well so far my week has been pretty good. I've been to co-op twice this week. The kids are so cute!! And I have this urge/need to just help them. I see the children with special needs and I really want to make a big difference in their lives. I am always praying that God helps me do my best there. Also this week I hung out with Patti, had a great conversation with her. And got to watch 12 eposides of Sailor Moon! Sweet, and she has all five seasons! Uncut and all of them!!!! I'm excited. Sailor Moon has always been my favourite anime ever. And yes my favourite Sailor Scout is Sailor Moon. I know lol. It was really cool to hang out at Patti's house. Then on Tuesday we had youth and we had a really decent turn out. It was Derik's last day so I think a lot of kids came out. We played Turkey Hunt. (great game!) Then a whole bunch of us went out to Bostin Pizza afterwards. It was great!! And I'm really excited about my new role in the group. The games leader! Lol. But I have to plan a game for next Tuesday. Not sure what I'm gonna do though. But I'm looking forward to it nevertheless. I don't know what the rest of my week will bring but I'm sure it will be good. I know this is a short blog but I can't really think of anything else to write about. Hatsa Luego!
January 22, 2006 Well today is Grant and mine's 10 month anniversary. I had to work and he had a family thing so we celebrated yesterday. First of all he came over to my house. (soo early lol, I was still in my p.j.'s cuz I'd only been up like 15 minutes lol) We hung out at my place for a bit. Then we went to see Underworld Evolution. Quite the good movie! A lot more freaky than the other one though. Then we just couldn't decide where to go for dinner, so we ended up going to the Outback in Niagara Falls. Quite the place. Had a good conversation over dinner then went back to his place and watched Overboard. Cute movie. It was just really good to hang out with him all day b/c I hadn't really seen him for more then like 2 1/2-3 hours all week long. It was good, I really love that guy. And as Joanne told me today, she has learned a lot about relationships from watching us. That really meant a lot to me. Considering how much of a hard time I've had with boys in my life. To finally find a guy that I click with so well and to have us both on the same page is so awesome. It's been 10 months. I've never had a boyfriend for that long. I dunno, I guess I'm just feeling all mushy and sappy b/c today is our anniversary. So God is on the move, most definitely. The past few weeks I've felt a change in me. I'm excited to see where this change goes. I guess I've just been so convicted and I have the courage to say things to people that I'm just going around praying for and praying with and just plain having God conversations with a lot of people. It's such a cool thing to see your prayers be answered right away, it's such an encouragement! Oh man I can soo see God at work. I just have this feeling that I know that He's hearing me, and that I'm praying for what He wants me to pray for. I can't describe why I just know. God really does answer prayers, you just got to listen. And you need to be consistent. Don't just aimlessly pray for something once and expect it to happen right away (now don't get me wrong, that does happen) but most often you pray about things for a while and then something happens. What people need to realize is that there is a spiritual battle going on around us. We need to be dressed in the full armour of God!! We need to be fighting!!! Having a bad day? Having bad thoughts? Just feeling glum and you have no reason to? Ever consider that maybe you're being attacked by demons? They know who the Christians are and there goal is to make life miserable for us, amd if they can to make us stumble and fall away from God. Think about it, there are forces fighting all around us, just b/c we can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So stop, think about it when you find yourself in unpleasant situations and try to find the real reason why your having a bad day. And then you pray. God will hear you. So I've been thinking. I'm beginning to think that everybody had a major root in their life that happened while they were a child that has now in turn caused them much pain and hindered spiritual growth. For my life it was the whole self-esteem thing. I've been talking to a few people who have discovered their "roots" and I think it helps. Look at your life, look at the problems, the symptoms, the "leaves" so to speak. Now don't try to fix the symptoms, don't try to just rip the leaves off. B/C it will come back, the weed will grow, the illness will continue on. What you need to do is get to the root, the main cause of the problem. Then you need to do some gardening!! Look at the root problem in your life. Then look to God, look to the bible, see what TRUTHS He declares!! Then mediate upon them. The root will go away, and the leaves with it. Think about it. Pray about it. Okay, I think this is enough for one day. For all believers out there, please continue to pray for me. Please pray that God enables me to handle the strength that I need to have, that He'll help me control my emotions and that I can give over my self-esteem to God and let what He thinks of me become the most important. Adios!
January 19, 2006 I am so excited about what God is doing in my life. I'm not sure what He's doing but I feel something and it's freaky but soo exciting at the same time. Let me elaborate. The past two times at small group I've felt led to pray for certain things. And while I'm praying this physical thing happened both weeks. I'm sitting there praying and I get light headed and dizzy for about 10 seconds and then it goes away. And Cody who was sitting beside me on the couch was like, as soon as you started praying you were twitching, like your whole body couldn't wait to get the words out. I don't know where it all came from, I just kept praying and the words just kept coming. I prayed for something for Kevin at work and he was like "funny you prayed about that b/c we had just done something like that at work." Kevin then procedeed to ask me if I've taken Network, (have when I was younger) and I said no but I was going to be soon. He said that he bet intercession would be on it. I don't know what's going on but I feel so alive and excited. I'm praying so much, and I don't know. God is changing me, I think He's developing some new gifts in me spiritually so taking Network will be good for me I think. To see God change me this much and this fast is so awesome. I don't ever want to go back from this point. I just can't describe how I feel inside. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning, I feel like it's my birthday, I feel so much excitment inside of me. I can't stop smiling and grinning and I just know everything will be okay. That all my prayers are being heard. And I feel like I'm finally praying for the right things. It's like this giant light bulb went off in my head and I'm just like "oh I get it now". I look at people's lives, what there going through and I just have this feeling of "we need to pray for this and then we do". And oftentimes recently my "inklings" have been right. So I'm now anticipating them b/c it's exciting. I feel so joyus that I just want to laugh and I imagine my laughter spilling out of me like a fountain!! My smile doesn't stop splitting my face, I just don't know how else to describe how I feel except through similies and metaphors. I feel like I'm maturing and growing up spiritually and that God is bestoing upon me some new gifts which actually really help me understand people and really enable me to help people. I don't know, but I'm excited to find out! Guys, pray, pray, and do some more praying. God is working here, He is sending a revival through our group of friends. Hop on the bus, b/c God is on the move!! He's alive and working and I can feel Him working inside of me!! The fact that I had a phsyical reaction to praying is such evidence to me. I've never had that before, and to have it happen two weeks in a row is huge. Keep praying guys, God's working!!!
January 18, 2006 So I had my first day of co-op. Cute kids, adorable kids!! And they call me Miss Isaac. I just about died when the first student called me Miss Isaac. I was like "awww". So I'm now Miss Isaac at Connaught Public School. It's neat b/c of how my placement works I am basically acting as an EA so it's neat, part of me is hoping that I do a good job and can actually help not only the kids but the teachers as well. In the Kindergarten class there is one teacher, a male I was so surprised myself, and 13 kids. Most of you would be like, oh that's really good odds. Not when over 3/4 of the class needs one-on-one attention. I actually feel like I'm getting a good experience of what it would be like to be an EA. Oh man, I even volunteered to help out at Breakfast Club on Wednesday mornings. So I will be at school at 8:00 am every Wednesday. Yeah me. But I love it. But I'm still not 100% sure if I want to be an EA or be a counsellor. I guess time and prayer and God will let me know. So as of January 28th, Derik and Amanda are moving to Brantford. Which sucks b/c now we have no youth leader. So we had a meeting yesterday to figure out what's going to happen. And there will be four of us doing Youth until we get a new youth pastor in. I've taken over doing games permantely. Which is awesome b/c it completely works with what I'm doing in my school classes these days. And I've asked Jordan if he'll do music and he's soo totally willing to help and he said yes. Which is awesome!! And today I asked Brianna to be my helper/assistant in games. And she said yes. So I have the help to plan games and to run them as well. And this way I've gotten two youth members involved in their own youth group and it helps develop leadership skills in them. I'm thinking of doing a mini Fear Factor. It's gonna be great!! So I'm trusting God with the whole thing and I know it will work out. Perhaps part of me is worried that the group will fall apart. But I must not think that way, I must concentrate on God and the kids. "Holy is the Lord God Almighty, the earth is filled with His glory". So I think I'm doing a fairly good job at keeping the truths inside my mind and heart. I mean the fact that I wasn't nervous about my first day at co-op. (I say that's a big deal) The truth is that I feel like something happened inside of me when I came to realize all these things. I feel lighter, like something's been taken off my shoulders. I know everything will be okay. And I know God is working in my life, and the lives of people around me. I think He's sending a revial through my friendship circle and I'm so excited. In the great words of Cademons Call (pretty sure they sang this lol) "Hop on the bus, God's on the move. There's a seat for me, there's a seat for you. It don't matter, what you've done. As long as you belive, in the Son, and what He's done, and what He'll do."
January 15, 2006 So everyday recently it seems like I'm having these revalations about myself. It's kinda nifty. Of late this is what's going on. I have problems with my weight, with the way I look and with the way I interact with people. I've had these self doubts, poor self-esteem, bad self-confidence, whatever you want to call it, since grade 3. There were times it was worse and I basically hated myself, and there were times where it was better when I thought I was pretty okay. Situations arose in my life, my grade 9 gym teacher comes to mind, she was an advocate for teenage girls to accept themselves. Mrs. Elliot really did have an impact on me. But when the "weed" was pulled it was never pulled by the root so it would always grow back. So many instances I can think of where I would seem to be "better" and I would have confidence and whatnot, but it would never last, I would always return to the way I started feeling when I was 9 years old. I felt ugly, fat, stupid and just socially inept. So things of recent have been building up. Grant can attest to the fact that I have been becoming more self-concious recently, and that I've been putting myself down more lately. So Missouri made me very aware of the fact that I need to lose weight. And school talking to some other girls who have the same matabolism as me kinda made me think that maybe I won't be able to lose weight. Then something happened yesterday. (sorry babe but I'm gonna alude to this story) As I was about to leave Grant made a comment (he didn't do it on purpose or mean it the way it sounded) but it hurt me soo bad. I ended up crying all the way home. I had text messaged him and then shut my phone off b/c I was too upset to talk. I just felt so ugly and horrible and I had never felt that way around Grant before. So I was pretty hurt. I wasn't going to call him back that night but later on I decided to turn my cell back on. (3 missed phone calls and 2 text messages from him lol, all apoligizing) And I talked to him. And during our conversation I came to realize that I have not given God my weight, my feelings of inadequacy basically I haven't given God my poor self-value. When I said that Grant was like "oh yeah! You hold onto it for life it seems, you cling to it". I never realized that. It was so close to me that I never saw it. That hit me hard (but in a good way). Then to really make it better, in church were doing a series on how to change. If you want to change you can't treat the behaviour and make the person change, they never will. You have to change what they believe, which means you have to have a new truth. So today the sermon really hit me. The thing that I want to change is my poor self-value. But just losing weight or buying the latest style clothes, dying my hair, wearing contacts won't change how I feel inside. They might mask it for a while but it won't change it. So when I was talking to Joanne about this after church (great talk hunny!) these are the truths that I came up with for myself to help me. #1 I am a temple of the Lord and I need to honour my temple. #2 God calls us to be stewards, and it's not just about money, our body is something that God's given us and we need to take care of the stuff that God gives us. And lastly #3 God loves me, I am His daughter, and HE wants to deal with these problems for me. So I need to give them to Him. So I'm going to focus on these truths instead of focusing on changing my behaviours. And for those of you who believe, can you please pray for me, pray that I can give my self esteem to God, that I can use my emotions properly, and that I can handle the strength that God requires me to have. That way you're helping me and holding me accountable, but that way your doing it for what actually counts instead of just for surface and shallow things. So please pray for and with me. And I hope this can be the road that once and for all will remove that weed and remove the stronghold that the devil has in my life. Praise God for He is WONDERFUL!
January 14, 2006 Wow, I had such a great time yesterday!!! School was really good. I'm starting to become actual friends with the girls I worked with last semester instead of just people that I sat with in class and did projects with. It's really neat. I just have a good feeling about this semester. Maybe perhaps b/c I have more energy and strength to handle everything that's coming my way. Or maybe b/c I just know that everything it gonna be okay. But I like the classes, I finally feel like I'm settling into a group of people that I can call friends. (it's amazing how much better that makes classes) And I'm partners with a girl who is as work orientated as I am. (very helpful) Like for example, our one teacher gave us the questions for the whole semester. You basically go through the textbook and answer the questions and those are your notes for the semester. Our group of four broke the units up and we are going to have them all done by Tuesday so all our notes for that class for the whole semester will be done by Tuesday. Sweet!! It works out well b/c we have the spare time right now to do it in, and it gives us a head start. I hate cramming everything into a few weeks. But this semester at least I have a lot less exams! Which is good. I love school, and I'm so glad that I get to go. Tokoyo Express was wonderful last night. But this was my first time going since they expanded. Wow, it looks different. But once again the food was quite good. And it was really fun hanging out with the people that I hung out with. Patti, her cousin Danielle, Shane, Joanne, Brian, Grant and I all went. I taught Grant how to use chopsticks lol. Although I don't think I tried anything new that day. I think I've basically had everything at that restruant anyways. I've tried, the raw fish, the eel, the shrimp, the crab, the tofu (ewww!! :p) and I've had seaweed (well you really can't get away from that lol, all the rolls are wrapped in seaweed) but I love most of it. It was a good food club experience. And as soon as Grant gives me the copies of the pictures from that night I can add the page about Toyoko Express. Then after we ate, Brian, Joanne, Grant and I went to the movies. We saw Casanova. What a GREAT movie!! Heath Ledger was awesome. I will definitely be seeing that movie again, and again! I will most definitely get it when it comes out. The costumes in that movie are amazing, so beautiful and full of colour. And Venice, I've always loved Venice. I still think it's one of the most romantic cities in the world. (I know people disagree with me saying it's dirty and smelly but I still think otherwise) When I get married I want my honeymoon to be to Italy. And I want to spend a few days in Venice. Seeing that movie resparked my desire to travel, *sigh* if only I had money. But when I'm done school I can. (after I work for a bit and pay off some of my debts) Oh travelling! Anyways I'm outie!
January 13, 2006 Hee hee, it's Friday the 13th oooooo. lol. I saw this on Patti's blog a while ago and I liked it so I'm gonna give it a try. 20 Things About Me You Might Not Know
1) My middle names are Marie Christina Well that was fun, no really it was. It was almost hard sometimes thinking about things that I'm not sure everybody knew. (I'm kinda an open book and I talk a lot lol!) Tonight were all going to Tokoyo Express, yea Japenese food!! Soo good, *drool*. Anyways the house calls me to finish cleaning it, I needed a break so I wrote an entry. Sianora!
January 12, 2006 I got this in an e-mail from my friend Christine from school, I really liked it so I thought I'd post it. **LOVE** -These are the Top Ten signs that show you are in Love!-
10. Time is an eternity when you're without them So for all us in love I'm sending us a smile and a cherry heart!
January 10, 2006 I feel like I should be writing this massive epic journal entry b/c inside of me I have so much and I feel so full and I want to express exactly how I feel but I don't know where to start. I feel like I'm about to burst but I'm not sure with what emotion. I feel on the preficise of a change in my life but I'm so scared that it won't happen b/c I've tried to make this change so many times and I've failed misserably every single time. I just don't feel sometimes that I get the support I need from people around me. Why is that nobody these days holds anybody else accountable. I've asked people sooo many times to help me with problems by checking up on me. They might do it for a couple of weeks but I promise you that it never lasts more than a month. Certain problems I would do so much better if I had somebody else supporting me and holding me accountable. But I've come to realize that it's not gonna happen and any thing that I want to do I need to do on my own. It just makes me sad inside. What have we become these days? That we can't help our brother, help our sister. And this is not me throwing a huge pity party for myself. I know I'm guilty of it myself. I wish I wasn't. I want to help people when they ask me to hold them accountable. I guess I just feel disapointed b/c once again I have to face something alone and it's hard. I just get to this point in my life where I just don't want to do anything but I don't have a choice. And I guess this is where that extra strength from God comes from. B/C somehow I always manage to finish the race, to pull through, to be where I need to be. I come to the end of MY rope, but God's rope goes so much farther. It's just sometimes I get so tired and I don't feel adequate to do what God wants me to do. I'm not worthy of it but it's there and it needs to be done. There are so many people hurting and who need help and sometimes it just breaks my heart b/c I can't make it better. I just don't feel like I can do what is required of me. I can barely make it through sometimes, but I don't have a choice. So I just go through the next day, the next obstacle. I thank God for all that He's done. He is my life blood. He is the one who keeps me going day to day. He is the one who gives me joy and who gives me my peace. I'm sooo greatfull for God and all that He's done. He is my hope, my salvation and He is everything to me. Today I started back to school. It was good, I had 6 classes today. I was at school from 8:30 to 5:20. But the classes seem like they're gonna be really good this semester. I also booked my interview for my co-op. It's gonna be this Monday at 9:30 at Connaught. I'm soo looking forward to my co-op. I think it's gonna be really refreshing and be an inspiration to me. I need that right now. Well, I think that's everything on my heart right now. Or at least I hope so. Adios.
January 8, 2006 Well the Christmas party went really well. Shout out to Brian for hosting it, thanks man! I had a good time, I just love Christmas and for me this year I got my first Christmas present Dec 2 from April (Nutcracker Ballet!!) and I think I got my last present today from Johnny. (Kronk's New Groove and a Mint Chocolate orange) What a Christmas, expanding to over a month lol! My friends got me some really niffty stuff that's always cool. From Shane I got a book of soliquious from Shakesphere, from Brian I got a Candian goose figurine, from Majorie and Jamie I got Simpsons ornaments, a Chicken Soup for the Canadian Soul and Sponge Bob stickers, from Joanne I got lip gloss, Veggie Rocks cd, and this Nutcracker Sweets chocolate in this really cool book tin thing, Cody got me this really sweet journal, it's got a really encouraging poem on it talking about Don't Quit. I really like it. Oh yes, and Charlene got me Pocky. Strawberry flavoured. And I got cards from Patti and Jamie and Marjorie as well. It was so awesome to see Patti again!! Hopefully we get to see Harry Potter this week sometime. (both HUGE Harry Potter fans!) That would be nice. And once again it makes me feel all fuzzy inside knowing that people are still reading my journals, this one espcially goes out to Patti. Thank you for continuing to read them. :D So I go back to school on Tuesday. I'm quite excited about that. I'm actually rested up enough for it that I'm excited about it now. I'm looking forward to a good semester. I have my co-op and I have gym. lol, yes I have gym. I have a class called "Recreation and Lesuire" it's a three hour class, two hours on Tuesday and one on Thursday I think. We have one hour of lecture, one hour of games and whatnot in the gym and one hour of arts and crafts. Yes, you read correctly, one hour of arts and crafts. It's gonna be such a fun course!! lol! So I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday I hung out with Aaron and gave him his birthday present. My wittle cousin is 19!! Yikes. So he came over to my house in the afternoon and we hung out for a bit and then Grant joined us and we all went to shoot pool and have a drink. The first time I was ever allowed to drink with my cousin legally. lol Trust me, we didn't drink illegally either. So we shot pool at Boom Town, boy oh boy did I shoot horribly!!! Yikes! But it's all good. Then Aaron had to go home at 4:00 so Grant and I stopped by the Pen so he could buy his cheesy B grade movies, *sigh*. Oh well, then we procedeed to watch Cloak & Dagger at my house and we just hung out. It had been so long that it just felt so good to be there with eachother. Then today I went to the Barron's for lunch, mmm, chilli! It was really good. But then sadly I had to work. *sniff* but it wasn't too bad. And I get to sleep in tomorrow. *yea!!* Anyways I should be heading off soon. Tootles. And remember, God is always watching you!!!
January 5, 2006 After having a really good (and surprisingly late) talk with Grant yesterday night he kinda helped me realize something. Lately the past few days I've been feeling really off and kinda upset. But I didn't really know why and I figured I was just being oversensitive so I tried my best to ignore it. But with talking to Grant I came to realize that I was having a hard time being so strong. Like b/c of school, and work, and all the stressfull and bad situations that have wormed their way into my life I've had to be strong. Now I've never really seen myself as being a strong person. I could be strong when I needed to be but on a day to day general basis no. But all of last semester I've had to be strong. And I just didn't want to be anymore. And lately I've been kinda trying to be not emotional. Well to say the least, both situations were not being dealt with. And on top of it all, I've been having really good talks with people recently. Like things I feel God has placed on my heart to tell people. I've had quite a few of those these past few weeks. And with talking to Grant he believes that I'm under spiritual attack and that would explain my state of being. It makes sense to me b/c I haven't really been doing my devotions much since school let out. The usual stuff, lack of routine and everything flies out the window. So after my talk with Grant we came to realize that I need to pray that God would help me be able to handle the level of strength that He recquires of me, and that I would learn to use my emotions properly the way that God wants me to use them. To not be overly emotional, but then to also not be emotionless. And just with talking to Grant it made me realize that I wasn't praying enough so today I prayed and I looked up verses pertaining to strength and God really spoke to me through it. So I guess this is part of growing up, needing to be stronger. A consistent stronger. Grant put it a really good way. He's like "the problems of your friends, are they going to compare to the problems of your children?" I was like "no" and he definitely got his point across. So God is helping me become a woman I guess. And I want to be a Godly woman so I guess the best way to achieve that is to let God do the changing eh? Isn't God awesome? So tomorrow is the big "friend" Christmas exchange/party. I'm still not sure what I'm going to bring yet lol. I've got a few ideas kicking around. I'm really excited about it. I've been sitting on some of these presents for quite a while now lol! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!! Well I'm outie!!
January 3, 2006 So it's been a year that I've been blogging now. Hardly seems that long anymore. But it's definitely been helpful to get my thoughts out. And it's really neat to go back and read what I wrote. I like that part. It's been a great holiday. It's been relaxing and I just needed it. Some of my friends are commenting about how hyper and happy I am. Well it was bound to happen, that I would return to a semi-nomral state. (being happy that is lol) The past few months were slightly draining but I'm feeling much more rested and ready to do it all again!! But hopefully with my co-op this semester it should be better. I'm really looking forward to it. Being at my old school, that will be so neat, a major trip down memory lane! So for those of you who don't check out the rest of my site, my final grades are in, I got a 93% overall average! Me!!! I got straight A's!! I can't believe it!! That's insane. But it makes me soo happy b/c I worked so hard for it and I got it. It's amazing what hard work and determinition will do. Yesterday we offically founded the "Food Club". Bascially we go around and eat new and unusual foods. It's great fun. Yesterday we went to The Greek Garden. We were going to go the Mexican restraunt but it was closed!! :( Oh well lol! Perhaps we'll catch it next time. We've decided that from now on we need to take pictures. Oh and once again for those of you who don't check out the rest of my site I added a new page about the food club. Food Club Take a gander and tell me what you think. There are so many neat possibilities to do in the Niagara Region. Were definitely gonna hit up "The Outback". Austrilian food! Yummy!! Anyways I'm outie. See ya'll later!!
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