Monday, January 31, 2005 So Batista won the Royal Rumble, and my poor baby Randy didn't win his title match =(. That sucks, he's an awesome wrestler. Lol, yesterday I went to Cheers with Cody, Kevin, and Cody's friend Josh and we watched Royal Rumble. It was fun! And I missed John's phone call again, I swear I'm always hanging out with Cody, and the few times that I'm not John calls. He's like the friggin Pokaroo!! I'm always missing him! Oi. And apparantly my running commentary towards wrestling is funny. Lol, "that little Mexican wrestler is fast.." "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you..". Oh my gosh. Today at work was good. I didn't have any "I want to kill you" moments. In fact it was pretty funny, me and Lois talked about some cool stuff. Movies, tv, boys (aren't they soooo dumb?) lol. Sometimes I get so confused by my emotions. I wish I was normal sometimes. I've been a roller coaster my whole life. It's like I experience everything so much more then other people. Which isn't always a good thing. And I'm soo sensitive, things that most people would just shrug off, I cry about them. Things that people think are dumb I laugh!! Like today I was talking to people about movies, now personally I think "Dude Where's My Car" is really funny. But I also think, "The Princess Bride", "Down Periscope", "Head Over Heels", "Much Ado About Nothing" are also really funny too. I like everything. I find amusement in simple things. Why limit yourself to a certain type of funny? Why limit yourself to fitting in one box? I get frustrated when people try to place me in a box, I'm not a princess, I'm not ghetto, I'm not goth, I'm not a tomboy, I'm not punk, I'm not retro, I'm just me. And it depends on the day and the situation as to how I'll react to something. That's one of the things that I like about me. I like everything, I can almost fit in anywhere. I mean music is a prime example. Besides REALLY Heavy Metal (which just gives me a headache and hurts my ears) I like all music. I mean I like everything but I LOVE certain things. If you can't tell, I'm not sure how to figure myself out, so how can anybody else? Sunday, January 30, 2005 Good morning everybody. You're all lucky, you caught me on one of my good days lol. What a crazy week this has been! My gosh! But in retro spect it was good. Sometimes I look at my life and I don't understand why things happen, sometimes I don't think we ever will. But I rest assured that God knows what he's doing. For example I had a major episode on Friday during the day/night. It was me being so silly, why do I feel like my friends don't actually like me as much as I think they do? So I was being mopey and freaking out. And I randomly called Grant, and we went and shot pool. It was exaclty what I needed. He calmed me down and made me laugh. (thanks Grant, sorry I was so emotional!) Then yesterday I hung out with Kevin, he called me and we watched Anime. It was good to just spend time with him. And Cody was text messaging me and we got the whole thing solved. Actually her one message made me cry, I cried all the way to Kevin's house. I wish I could stop crying, it's so annoying!! Then Cody slept over last night. Everything is fine. I'm going to counselling this Tuesday, and I am looking forward to it but kinda scared at the same time. I think I've honestly cried more the past month then I have all year. (that goes to show you how messed up I was last year!) Well I guess this ends my first journal. Expect more later. Dum dum dum.