These are just really funny quotes that I have found in my journey of life. lol.

"Squeak, squeakity, squeak, squeaken. You owe me an acorn."-Emperor's New Groove
"It's raining men, halelujah, it's raining men."
"I'm sorry, from far away you looked hot."
"Men, coffee and chocolate, somethings are just better rich."
"Wish you were fishin."-bumper sticker
"I can't believe that the sperm that made you, beat out a million others."
"Your child has delusions of adequacy."
"You're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"I wish I was a glowworm, a glowworm's never glum. Cuz how can you be grumpy, when the sun shines out your bum."
"Women begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat."-Oscar Wilde
"I am hard at work being idle."-Oscar Wilde
"To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up."-Oscar Wilde
"Tastes like burning."-Simpsons
"Organ transplants are best left to the professionals."-Simpsons
"I will not belch the national anthem."-Simpsons
"Impossible we do right away, ridiclious just takes a little bit longer."-Sewing place
"I'd have you a battle of wits, but I don't fight unarmed people."
"Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it."
"Look! A decoy!"-Pinky
"We tried to shut him in a pyramid but mum spotted us."-George Weasley
"Dudley had done the thing he was threatening to do since age three. He had become wider than he was tall."-HP
"Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea coszy."-Ron Weasley
"A honk is nothing but a mechincal bodily function."-Gilmore Girls
"Who's the geek boy now spaz!"-Big Fat Liar
"How about you honey, feeling pretty stupid? I know I am."-Simpons
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smarts?"
"I like talking to a brick wall; it's the only thing in the world that never contradicts me."-Oscar Wilde
"I'm not messy, I'm organizationally challenged."-Garfield
"A friend said he didn't think he had ever really fallen in love, although he may have stepped in it a few times."-Patricia Merril
"Why are so many women with fake fingernails, fake eyelashes and fake boobs complaining that there are no real men?"-Gay Goodenough
"If the barmaid looks beautiful to you, don't drive."-Dan Spaan
"Of course I don't look as busy as the men, I did it right the first time."
"If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of Congress?"-Karen Kobey
"All princes start as frogs, and gentleman as dogs."-Superchic[k]
"'Are you pondering what I'm pondering Pinky?' 'Gee I think so Brain, but I don't think monkeys use dental floss.'"-Pinky and the Brain
"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, if your a bad surgen."
"You're not even strong enough to break wind."-MAD TV
"This was after stew, but so is everything. When the first man first clambered from the slime and made his first home on land, what he had for supper that first night was stew."-The Princess Bride
"It's not mean if it's hilarious."-Homestarrunner
"'Are you thinking what I'm thinking Pinky?' 'Gee I think so Brain, but pantyhose are so uncomfortable in the summer.'"-Pinky and the Brain
"Stop putting stamps on all your e-mails."-Homestarrunner
"You will avoid laundry altogether and buy more socks."-Homestarrunner
"There are some dishes under your bed that you should just throw away."-Homestarrunner
"Always trust statistics. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, it's you."-HEX
"I hear voices and they don't like you."-T-shirt
"Putting my words into your mouth is highly unsanitary."-Jeff Trueman
"Nobody out crazies Ophelia!"-Simpsons
"In Russia we only had two tv channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel two consisted of a KGB officer telling you; turn back at once to channel one."-Yakov Smirnoff
"What's another word for thesaurus?"-Steven Wright
"My computer beat me in chess, but it was no match in kickboxing."-Emo Philips
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet."-Oliver Herford
"I went to a fight the other day and a hockey game broke out."-Rodney Dangerfield
"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman."-Margaret Thatcher
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"-Steven Wright
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."-Margeret Thatcher
"When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was Always."-Rita Rudner
"You're so ugly, you make onions cry."
"You're so stupid you thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company."
"Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money."-Good Charolette
"Jonah, the story of a man who swallowed a whale."-Larry
"Don't call me a goddess, don't call me a queen. Just call me the cutest chic you've ever seen."
"I have a crush on every boy."-Teen Girl Squad
"If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum."-Chinese Proverb
"I can't be held responsible for what my goons were ordered to do."-Mr Burns