February 28, 2006 My last chance to write in Feburary 2006 in my journal. I've been doing okay. I just have a new series of old wounds that need healing. I know that God is doing a good work in me, and that He will keep doing that good work in me until completion. But sometimes along the journey, along the path it just hurts. I mean if you break your leg and you go to the doctors and they set it, it doesn't mean that it's instantantly gonna stop hurting. You know that it will get better and that you will heal perfectly fine. But it still hurts. That has been like one of my life mottos. (what's a motto, nothing what's a motto with you) Now before all of you are like "oh my gosh Robin's horribley upset", I'm not at all. In fact I feel great. I know that God is changing me, I'm excited that I'm gonna be riding my life of these old wounds. A little pain is uncomfortable and yes I admit, sometimes it makes be a bit crabby, but I know it's gonna get better, and I know it's gonna get better fast! Lately I've been changing and growing so much. I mean I look at who I am now, and I'm not the same person I was a year ago, I'm hardly the same person I was at Christmas. (okay I mean obiviously some things are the same but I mean inside I feel so different!!!) I can hardly wait to take Network at church. I know that I am developing in some of my spiritual gifts, or that I'm finally reciveing them. I don't know how to word it. I guess I'm finally growing into my gifts. They are a lot different then the ones I had before. But I'm still not sure exactly what they are, I'm just kinda figuring that out, so Joanne and I are taking Network together in April. So very excited about that. Speaking of Joanne, we had a sleep over last night. It was great. We talked until 4:00 am, then we got to sleep in. But it was really good talking to her, I haven't had a good long talk with her in a while. (well besides the two hour phone converstation last week lol) It was good to have girl talk and what not. I plan on making this week very relaxing. Oy, that reminds me of how angry I am at April's dog Julie!!!!!!!!!!!! Grr!! I was being nice and I left her in the house when I went to work b/c it was really cold outside. I get home, she ATE MY FAVOURITE PAIR OF SHOES!!!!! They are abosolutely ruined. She also ate my toothpaste. She also tore apart the bedroom. It's kinda weird to find your sisters KY jelly and a grape flavoured condom on the bed you have to sleep on, along with your perfume, b/c you know the dog brought them there. April's boa was across the bed too. Grrr, not too impressed. I called mom, I was absolutely livid, like I didn't want to be around that dumb dog. My desire to kill her has decreased. Hmm, stupid dog. My sister suggested that I should make a page about the things of mine that Julie has biten/destroyed. So far, my wool purse, my checkbook, my favourite pair of shoes, my toothpaste, the cardboard box that some of my candles were in, part of my perfume container and she scattered my clothes all over the floor. Not such a good list if I do say so myself. Anyways I do have to be off, I need to go to the bank, and then the grocery store. Then off to youth. Adios! February 26, 2006 So last night I got to go to Nate's wedding. I caught the bouquet. It's the second one that I've caught. So far I'm two for two when it comes to weddings with bouquet tosses. (I have been to others that didn't toss the bouquet) I think some of Grant's friends razed him a bit. The bride then came over later and asked when the date was. It was great. I told Johnny about it today so he can raze Grant at home. And how convienent is it that on Sunday's Grant has the College and Career group over lol. It was a fun wedding though. Lots of dancing, I got Grant on the dance floor for I'd say at least 2/3 of the songs. Some of the more rappish and dancey songs he wouldn't, but I was okay with that. Almost every slow song I made him dance though lol. Yes, dancing lol. And contrary to popular belief (is this is a popular belief) Grant can dance. I honestly belive that everybody can dance. People just have to get over their self-consciousness and just get out there and move. Once you find the beat and your own groove your in! It was also cool to get to know Grant's friends better. It was actually kinda sweet, he kinda realized that his college buddies are what he considers to be his best friends. That made a lot of sense to me, b/c he is always so happy to hang out with them and to see them. And he always has a good time when he hangs out with them. But me being me, and being quasi shy around new people (espically around girls that are soo pretty) I haven't bonded totally with the girls yet. I really want to!! B/C they seem like so much fun, I guess it will just take some time. (and seeing how much Grant sees them, and if I'm free to go too, I've only seen them 4 times in like a year) But it was good. We did some bonding over cards between the wedding and the reception. The wedding was really nice. I had a good time. Weddings are great fun! So this week hasn't been the best. Every once in a while you get weeks like that. Grrr, midterms for starters. A last minute youth thrown onto the pile, sometimes at school I feel so weird and out of place. I know it's old wounds surfacing that need to be properly healed but they still hurt nonetheless. But I know it's God helping me become whole again. So you have bad weeks, then you heal and then you're stronger and more able to handle the next problem that you know is gonna come eventually. It's very niave to think that you won't ever get hurt. So keep praying for me please. February 25, 2006 Well I think it's possible that I did the bravest thing I've ever done last night, allow me to explain. I'm currently house sitting for my sister while her and Mike go to Vermont with his family for a week of skiing and shopping. So I'm sleeping away and suddenly at 3:00 am Julie starts barking her head off!!! It lasted for a while, so I yelled at her and then she just stopped suddenly and I was like "okay now I can go back to sleep". But as I'm trying to drift back asleep I keep hearing things, and it sounds like footsteps downstairs. Now the reason I started freaking out is b/c April was robbed once while living at this house, she wasn't in the house, she was away, but still she's been robbed before. And of course seeing as Julie had suddenly stopped barking I was FREAKING out!!! I was like 3 seconds away from calling Grant and having him drive by the house b/c I was so scared. I mean I was terrifed. So I prayed, and I got out of bed, turned the bedroom light on, turned the light on in the upstairs part of the house, I then called Julie at the top of the stairs and she came running up so I was glad about that. But my heart was still racing at this point b/c I was still afraid that somebody was downstairs. So I make it to the bottom and with a huge leap of faith I step into the hallway and turned the light on. Now, nobody was there and nothing was missing, so I was fine. I let Julie outside to pee and I went back to bed. Turns out it was the wind. But man, I was so scrared, and it took so much out of me to go downstairs. But I did it, and it was fine. I then promptly thanked God and went back to bed. So as you couldn't guess, it's Spring Break for me!!! Yes. Much needed. Especially b/c yesterday I got back some grades and they aren't very good. One project worth 20% I got 60% on. Grr, it was my resume, and I took the resume I did last semester and changed what that teacher had said was wrong. But this teacher didn't like those changes and you lost one mark for every "mistake" you made. One girl in my class had her resume done by Job Gym and she only got 15/20. I was slightly frustrated b/c I didn't know what she wanted b/c she didn't tell us what she wanted. So I need to get back into the groove of school. It was a frustrating day academically yesterday. But work was good. Anyways I need to be getting ready, got a wedding to attend with Grant today, I'm outie!! February 19, 2006 WARNING, THERE IS A SERVERE WHINING (To complain or protest in a childish fashion) WATCH. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!! Okay, now that I feel I've fully warned you so those who hate whining can avoid this journal entry all together. I am so fed up, annoyed, frustrated, at the end of my rope, freaking out, and just plain tired of being sick. I thought I was getting better, I was even feeling really good. Last night at movie group I was fine when I got there around 8:00, by 10:30 I had to leave b/c the pressure in my ears was killing me and it really hurt. I couldn't believe it, it kinda came out of nowhere and "boom" ear infection!! Ridiculous! So I ended up not going to church b/c I finally had a good nights sleep. I went to the doctors. First thing I checked online so I wouldn't have to wander around the city looking for one that's open. Perfect right? So Martindale is open, I go there, closed for the past two days for like renovations or something like that. So I decided to go to Fourth Ave one (b/c online it said it was open today as well) Well that walk-in-clinic is closed indefinitely. So by this time I'm frustrated to say the least. So I try Vine St. clinic, it's open. Awesome. I waited two hours to get in to see a doctor. So by that time I had already called work to tell them I was going to be late. Yeah when the doctor looked into my ear he's like 'wow', that's not usually a good thing to hear when a doctor looks at something on you. So I have ear drops now, antibodics and I'm supposed to take a decongestion for the next few days. Wow, lots of medication. And it's funny b/c yesterday was my last day for my eye drops. So here is the part that really gets me, since the beginning of this semester I have had a migrane (haven't had one of those in YEARS!!!) on a Saturday night, goes away before church and work; had massive back pains (I've NEVER had those before!!!) iced them Sunday morning and they felt pretty good for church and work) had an eye infection (Friday through Monday really badly), had a bad cold which made me feel like crap and now I have an ear infection!! That's FIVE WEEKS IN A ROW something has been really wrong with me Saturday/Sunday. I feel like my body is against me, it's breaking down. I can't get over it!!! I just want to be healthy again. To not have all bits of my energy drained every single day. When I'm sick, it takes up a huge allotment of my patience and strength, which tends to make me more sensitive, but God is being gracious with me and I haven't flipped out yet. I've already surpassed my strength and I'm basically using His right now. I just hate not running on 100% b/c that is usually where I'm running. Since this semester began, I haven't been able to use all my energy. It hasn't been a good semester for me. So that's my huge whining session, for those who read thank you for being a good sport, and for those of you who didn't, well I guess I really don't have anything to say to you b/c your not reading this lol. February 16, 2006 So yesterday Grant took me out for Valentines Day. It was really good. We went to the Keg. Nice place. And yes I ordered steak. We both ordered our medium rare. But when mine got to my plate I tried it and I couldn't eat it, it was done rare. I tried to eat it but I couldn't. Grant offered to trade steaks b/c his was done medium rare. And the sweetest thing was that Grant had figured that I wouldn't be able to eat the steak so he ate his potatoe first and then he asked the second time to switch and I said yes. (he asked again after I made a face when I got into the middle of my steak and tried to eat it, I mean it was practicly bleeding on my plate) I mean I LOVED the steak that Grant had, I was quite impressed. And the potatoe was quite good. We had this cool chocolate mousse thing for dessert. Then we were gonna go to the movies but we didn't feel like wandering around for an hour until the movie started. So we bought a movie. Grant bought me the mini-series that was on tv a few years ago called "The 10th Kingdom". We watched the first of 3 DVD's last night. It was good, even Grant liked it. Were going to watch the rest on Friday b/c I'm not working. It's such a great mini-series. I actually have the book too. But anyways, I had an awesome time with Grant last night. It was my first Valentines Day where I had a boyfriend. It was definitely good. I love Grant. *smile* On other news I'm doing pretty good. Still getting over being sick, how irratating!! It just won't go away!!! Oh well. My eyes are feeling a lot better. There is a possibility that I might be affected by two different strikes. I mean I'm not worried I just think that it's irratating. On March 7th Niagara College might go on strike if their demands are not met. Then I can't go to school or co-op. The other strike I need to think about is that the EA's might go on strike. If the EA's go on strike we can't go to our co-op b/c they said that since the EA's were going on strike and it will be something that will benefit them we are to support them so we can't go to co-op. I know it will work out but it's just the whole thing. I really don't strikes, the dissention of them and all. I like it when things run smooth and are good. Meh, anyways got some homework to finish. Adios! February 14, 2006 Happy Valentines Day everybody!!! So today I have a long day of school, which included a test lol! Then I have a Valentines Youth tonight. It's gonna be so great!!! Lots of fun games lined up and cool decorations. I'm really excited about it! Were all dressing up, or hopefully all the leaders will, I know that Shane, Brianna and I will be dressing up. I'm gonna get Shane to hand out the "roses" to the girls as they come in. There candy roses lol. Then one of the best games we have planned is blindfolded cookie making! With lots of interesting ingredients, think garlic salt, chili peppers, molassas, raisons, etc. Were gonna have four boys blindfolded and read the directions to them. They have to figure out which ingredients to put into the cookies. Then at the end we tell them to add whatever they want to make the cookies "extra special". Then were gonna make them eat their own cookies lol! Well will give each guy a plate with all four cookies on it and they have to figure out which cookies are the ones that they made lol. Should be interesting. Brianna is making a few batches of real ones so that we can chew on those later lol. Then we've got a bunch of other fun things planned too. I won't be seeing Grant today, but were definitely doing something tomorrow. He's taking me out to the Keg and then were going to Cafe Amoure. I'm looking forward to it. I decided to use one of my monthly makeup sessions for tomorrow. Plus I need a wax anyways. But I'm excited b/c this is my first year that I actually have a boyfriend over Valentines Day. I guess to me it's kinda a big deal lol. It should be good. Things have been going pretty good for me. I'm still sick, got an eye infection in both eyes, majorly gross!! But other than that I'm doing good. Although I do forsee some major changes happening in my life soon, but only time will tell if they all happen as planned. Anyways I got class so I'm outie!! February 11, 2006 I found it!! The verse in the bible that I always mention that says avoiding corrupt speech. It's Proverbs 4:24 "Avoid all perverse talk; stay far from corrupt speech." I knew I'd find it again one day! I've been reading Proverbs and writing down what I learned from them in a notebook. I haven't done nearly as many as I would have liked to. But at least I'm doing something. I have been praying more though and that is a huge improvement. But I still need to pray more, cuz often I just don't pray as much or I forget or something comes up. God has been very good to me recently and I don't want to forget that. In fact God has been awesome to me, He's helped me grow so much recently. I just only wonder what's next. So I woke up so much last night b/c I have an eye infection and I just kept getting up b/c my eyes were glued together. (I know, kinda gross) So when I got up this morning I knew I had to go to the doctors. So I went, got my eye drops and then had a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. I was woken up at 7:00 am by a phone call from my work asking if I'd work the midnight shift, why did they call me first thing I still don't know but they did. I did mange to quasi dift off until 9:00 after that but it still wasn't my usual hordes of sleep that I get on Saturday's so the nap helped lol. Then Grant came over and we watched a movie, then I went to movie group. Then here I am at home kinda tired and will probably be leaving shortly. But I'd thought I'd drop a line, let you all know that I'm doing okay. Tootles. February 8, 2006 So even more good news! As it turns out I only did dent my rim and not my axle. So in total it only cost me $98 to fix my car and I already have it back. Which is so awesome!! Praise God for that one! He's watching over me and I'm so grateful/thankful for that! Today was an interesting day. Co-op went really well. The kids are great, I'm definitely getting opportunities to help lots of children. Then I had to walk home cuz I didn't have my car yet, boy was it cold!!! Brrr, but it was good for me. Then for some strange reason I was feeling kinda weird today. So when I got home I watched a bunch of tv did some homework and I just had this massive urge to go out! But it seemed liked everybody was busy. I had tried calling Patti earlyer in the day hoping to watch Sailor Moon but nobody answered the phone. I was gonna go to Rod's with Grant but Rod wanted a father/son thing so I stayed home. Then at like 8:50ish I really wanted to go see a movie seeing as I had the 2-for-1 pass. So I called Grant but he was still at Rods. So I called Shane and Joanne, hoping one of them wanted to go out. Shane wasn't home and Jonne was tired, and I completely understood. But as I was just about to get off the phone with Joanne Grant called me back and said he had left and that I should meet him at the theaters and we could see the movie together. That was awesome. It helped a lot. I just have a feeling that since all the effects of yesterday are over that I just had a swell of emotions this evening and seeing as I was alone they just overcame me. It happens. But I think I handled them pretty good. I didn't cry or freak out I just wanted to do something productive. Grant and I watched Hoodwinked. I liked it a lot! So many people said they didn't like it but I thought it was great. I love fractured fairy tales though, I think it's becoming my fast favourite for children's litature. Especially Pheobe Gilman, not only does she write great stories (Balloon Tree and the Jillian Jiggs series) but her illustrations are beautiful! I LOVE her books! I wouldn't mind owning a copy of The Balloon Tree. That and I would also love to have The Giving Tree. What a great book! It always chokes me up when I read it. Anyways, I should be off to bed. Got another day ahead of me. Lots to do. Adios! February 7, 2006 So I've finally got the internet downstairs now. So I have my very own computer set up where I can do my homework, where I can surf the net. It's so weird to me b/c I've never had a computer all to myself before. I like it. I can come home late and go online without worrying about waking my parents up. It's just brilliant!! So, Robin had a not so fun experience this morning on the way to school. I was driving my car down my street and I hit a patch of black ice and my car spun out of control and I hit the curb with my front tire and then I spun around faster and smacked my back tire on the curb. I could tell that the impact was a hard one. So I get out, do a circle check (I'm facing the wrong way at the time) and everything seems to be fine. So I get in and continue driving to school. I'm checking to see if anything is wrong. I get like a minute down the street and I catch a red light, a lady in a van drives up beside me and gets my attention, I roll down my window and she's like "your back tire is wobbling so much it looks like it's gonna fall off" I thanked her. At the time I was on the phone with my mom telling her that my car was fine. Not so fine. So I turned around and drove back home. Looked at my tire, the rim is dented compltely, there is a gouge in my hubcap. (my hubcaps are screwed on) So mom had to drive me to school in Welland. Oh after I got off the phone with mom I started crying so I called Grant. He helped calm me down. So I asked Christine for a ride home (she was skipping last period so I had to as well b/c I had no other ride home) and leaving at 3:30 instead of 5:30 also gave me a chance to go to the mechanics. I took it over (thank goodness for a mechanic who is practically across the street!) and they said it looks like I bent the axle. Not cool. But here are the good things that I realized. Usually that street has lots of cars parked on the road, there was hardly any, in fact sometimes there is a pick up truck with a snow plow on it, it wasn't there today. (proabably out working lol) I managed to get a ride to and from school. Mikey is letting me borrow his car tonight for youth so I won't be carless. I wasn't hurt. It didn't happen that far from home so I didn't need to get my car towed. Inspite of it all, God was watching out for me. It just kinda scared me this morning was all. And it also hurts b/c I don't have any money, so I have to borrow it from my parents. Which is another thing that God did, He enabled me to find a way to pay for my car to be fixed. Oh and another thing, luckly I have co-op tomorrow, and mom can drop me off in the morning while my car is being fixed and then I can walk home afterwards. And mom will be home all morning so they can call her and give her the quote and she can say yes and if it's done before she leaves for work, she can pay for it. Now I don't like South Park, in fact, I pretty much hate it. But they have this cartoon generator and it was so cute. So that's why this is here. February 3, 2006 I am so exhausted! I'm getting a cold and I can't quite shake it, so I just have that nasty blah feeling. It's like one day I wake up with a sore throat, the next day I wake up with a stuffed nose. I just wish it would all go away! And then last night while we were swimming I jumped of the diving board and I did a cannon ball but when I brought my foot back it hit the diving board. So I have this nasty bruise/cut on the top of my left foot. Now that makes life fun to walk! Oh well. I'll live, as always. I'm just really not looking forward to working a midnight tonight, I won't make it, I'm so tired! I'm gonna try to nap this afternoon after school and before Grant comes over. Things have been going well recently. I've been praying and I've been seeing some changes around me and in me. That is very encouraging to me, seeing changes is a great thing. One thing that I've noticed God giving me is courage. Which probably sounds so funny coming from me, but He really is. I've been feeling able to be honest and just say what is on my heart. It's good. And He even answers my prayers in ways that I don't think. For example, I have no money and I really need to buy gas. I was thinking I wasn't getting paid until next Friday, but I checked online and I realized that I will be getting paid today. It solves so many of my problems. Instead of freaking out I just prayed this morning and told God that I needed money and I didn't have any. Silly me, forgetting when I got paid, but I knew God was gonna take care of me. And in a way He did lol! God is so awesome. So not to much else going on. I'm back in school and it's starting to get busy and full of work again, but no surprise there. Tests, projects and reports are coming out my ears. But I do like it. It just sometimes seems overwheleming, espically b/c I have work and other things that take up my time to. But I am grateful for co-op. It's such a refreshing thing. And I'm not working as much this semster. I guess time will tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing, ya know? Getting a $750 bursary really helped b/c then I could stick a big chunk onto my Visa bill. And hopefully when I get my tax return it will be enough to cover MC. Then I would have one less bill a month. Sometimes I wonder how I let myself get into such a hole. I've been trying to get out for so long. But it seems like everytime I start to get out, something else kicks me back in. Point of proof, I had my MC paid off and then I had to take Weaver in for surgery, not a cheap surgery. But it will get done one day. I just need to keep on perservering, and I'm good at that lol. So I don't know what to get Grant for Valentine's Day. He's taking me out on the 15th b/c I really can't go out on the 14th b/c it's a Tuesday and we have youth. And considering the group dynamics I can't really just not show up, ya know? So Grant said he's gonna take me to the Keg on the Wednesday. I'm really excited about that. I've never been to the Keg in St. Catharines, so it should be good. Anyways I'm outie!