It came time for the move to Georgia, and my new work schedule was already beginning to fill even before I got there. My first weekend was in Williamsburg, KY for a conference. After I finished with that, I had 2 days before I had to be in Murdock, FL for a week long conference. I hadn't learned my away around north Georgia yet. But I KNEW I could not live in or around Atlanta. I needed to get out farther. I would hate the drive, I'm sure. But I just couldn't stomach the thought of fighting that traffic and ratrace every day of my life. I tried Cumming, about an hour north of Atlanta. But it was still TOO busy and too congested for my blood to flow freely without choking me to death. I decided to look in the north Georgia mountains, somewhere around Hwy 400. At least it would be a straight shot into work on a 4 lane road.
Of course, I headed to the mountains for the two days. I looked for a house.....and found what I felt to be just the right one, in Dahlonega. I rented a cabin in Cleveland, since there were no hotel vacancies due to the Shriners being in town. I began the necessary processing of paper.
My credit was good. That wasn't a problem. But I was not a local. I needed a local bank account. So I started that process, only to find I couldn't do that without a local address. Since I didn't have one of those yet, I went to the post office to open a post office box. What an awakening!! Small town mentality at it's finest! The post office in Cleveland told me I couldn't have one since I wasn't a local. I started to get testy! I asked the lady behind the counter to walk outside with me and read to me the sign on the front of the building that says "UNITED STATES Post Office". This is the USA, right?? I am a US citizen, right?? Why can't I use this danged post office??!!!!!!! I was told "because it's the Cleveland post office, and you don't live in Cleveland." I argued that this was NOT the Cleveland post office, but a UNITED STATES post office! But to no avail. I couldn't convince her she was in the USA!
I went to my storage facility to pay my bill, complaining about the post office. The dear man there, made a phone call to the post office in Helen. They were quite shocked at the question of "can a non-resident of Helen open a post office box?" She said "of course, it's a US post office." YIPPEEE!!! FINALLY, someone who knows in which country they live and work! I finally got my post office box. I then returned to the Cleveland post office just to make a point. I showed the lady at the counter my keys and receipt from Helen, told her I would be calling the Postmaster with my complaints, and that I now understand why people shoot off guns in post offices!
I returned to the bank with my new address only to find out that they wanted to put a 7 day hold on my $10000 certified check. I asked why the heck they thought I had brought a certified bank check. They had no answer for that one. They just couldn't be sure it was real for seven working days. At this point, I was beginning to wonder if any of the folks with whom I was dealing was real. I felt like I had moved to another country, speaking an unknown language.
They pre-approved my mortgage, but then revoked the real thing. It seems you can't get a mortgage for a house here, if you own one in another state. I battled about that one, only to be told that until I'm on the job for one year, I can't close a mortgage. And then, if I don't put at least 20% cash down on the purchase price, regardless of the value of the home, I have to pay these outrageous insurance premiums. It seems that even though I sign my soul away to get a mortgage, they still want insurance on my soul. And I can't go shop for the best premiums either. I tried that one. I'm stuck with who they assign me, and the prices that I'm quoted.....regardless of the fact that it's pure robbery. I currently have $200,000 in life insurance, and paying roughly $200/year for it. They insist I have THEIR $50,000 policy for $100/month. Like I said, I THOUGHT this was America. You know, "home of the free and the brave?" This may be home to the "Brave(s)", but it sure ain't home of the free!!!! It's time for me to start shopping for an attorney. That is the ONLY definite I'm finding thus far!
The owner of the house in Dahlonega agreed to let me do a lease-to-purchase on the house and move into it while I waited for the house in Indianapolis to sell. He allowed me a $1000 allowance for clean-up and work on the place. And geez, did it ever need it!
My realtor hired a man from Cleveland named Vince to help with the clean-up. She told me he was the most honest man in the State..."just a good old boy" and would do a great job for me while I was gone the next week. I left for Murdock Sunday morning after meeting Vince for breakfast. Of course, I didn't talk to him about the thoughts from the day before.......I was much too busy showing pictures of the new house, and babbling on about the move. Besides, I was going to be in Florida for a week, and that should slow things down naturally. No worries about mortgages, moving, banks or post offices for a full week! And Vince would have the house all fixed up when I returned!
When I returned to GA that Friday, it was time for the first of the move. I picked up the keys to the house, and began moving things from storage. Vince helped with the moving and lifting, and was sweet enough to even do most of the work around the house. It had been vacant for sometime, and was in need of much TLC. Of course this gave us hours at a time together. It was a great time learning about each other as we worked together, played together, even tackled a few minor crises together. Everything from the well, to plumbing, phones and electrical went wrong that first week....the real-time plot for the Money Pit movie!
Moving into a small town creates unique challenges in the ordinary routine stuff of a city. I called the phone company, the electric company, the cable company, and the internet server.....asking each of them to turn me on over the next 24 hours. They acted like I had come from another planet.
They TRIED to convince me that it would take 2-3 weeks, and that they would have to send the trucks and workmen up to the house to install the wires, converters, the parts, etc to get me up and operating. I politely explained that it would not be necessary. Everything is here, hooked up and operable..... "just flip your little switch down there and turn it all on". But according to our SUBSTANDARD telephone company, who is also the internet server and the cable company, their computer says my house does not exist, and has never had service. I argued that I was on a cellular, walking around the house, LOOKING at the cables, the phone jacks, the wires, etc, so I KNOW it has been hooked up. They must have really thought I was dropped off Mars head first, because they had the audacity to tell me I was NOT seeing those things because they did not exist.....their computer told them so.
Now, I'm no computer geek, but this arguement began to worry me. And THIS is going to be my internet provider?? I started to think at this point that I better plan to start my own server. This is not going to be a good sign of either customer service or quality technology. I called them back each day for over a week. I figured I could at least drive them as nuts as they were driving me. The electrical company at least called back a few days later. They couldn't put electricity in my name. It seems the previous tenants had not had the bills taken out of their names, and still owed them money. Therefore, until that was resolved, no further service could be arranged for this house.
Did you know that it's illegal to take service out of someone else's name?? Well, it is. And I couldn't have it changed to my name until THEY took it out of their own. Thus began the search and destroy mission to find the previous renters. The owner knew nothing of their whereabouts. They had skipped town. The post office gave me names and previous names; but no forwarding address could be found. I tried computer searches. I tried phone companies all over the state. I tried pharmacies. I tried cable companies. Then one night I got a lead.
I was working on the house. Vince was outside, still working on the grounds. I heard him yell up to the house asking if I knew anyone in a black pick-up. NO, I didn't know anyone here yet. Three men got out of the truck and headed up to rush the house, as Vince headed them off. They were wanting to search the place. It seems they were head-hunters. The previous renters were wanted in three different states. Well, this was certainly turning out to be a grand start on a new life for me!!!
Having a roof over my head was good. But sleeping in the floor, with no lights, no water, no phone was getting the best of me. Now, THIS!? I got into my truck, drove down to the electric company and began throwing a temper tantrum. When all else failed, I claimed to be a computer geek, threatened to find the wanted fools myself, and then give out the personal phones and addresses to each employee of the electric company. I would then take them to court over my inconveniences, and since Janet Reno is a personal ally of mine, I'll own the whole danged town before it's over, and they'll be left dealing with the head-hunters and fugitives. I'm not sure if they believed me, but they sure got tired of listening to my rantings, and turned on the electricity. So what's a little white lie to get a few lights?? Wonder if this one will work with the darned SUBSTANDARD phone company?
No such luck. They sent the guys out about a week later. They CLAIM they turned everything on. But nothing worked. I called and complained. Again, they claimed their computer knew better than I and that everything was working well. My next question, stated rather curtly was, "Then why the heck am I standing here talking to you on my cell phone!?" They said they had no idea but I should use my home phone instead. I yelled back to the girl "GET ME YOUR BOSS AND I'LL TELL THEM WHY I CAN'T USE PHONE LINES WHICH ARE NOT TURNED ON......MAYBE THEY UNDERSTAND ENGLISH!" This went on for days. Each day, I climbed their idea of the corporate ladder until I got to the Vice President. He assured me that they would get right on it and send someone out. I freaked, saying "I DO NOT NEED WORKMEN!!! I NEED YOU TO TURN THIS ON!!" He assured me it would be done the next day.
Another 3 days passed, and I received a bill for installation charges and services of phones, internet, and cable services. I blew a fuse to say the least. I added up the lost time at work, the time and complaint calls I had placed multiple times, and developed a service charge for each day since day one which I had gone without services. Hey, if they can do that crap, so can I!!!! I added a service charge of $25/day for each day the bill went unpaid and had MY bill delivered certified mail to the President of the company.
A few days later, I arrived home from work to find trucks and workmen in my driveway. I looked up at the ladders against the house, and saw cable being STAPLED across my cedar siding down the middle of my house. Holes were being drilled in the side of the house, and they claimed they were installing the phones and cable. I asked in a rather bitter, irate tone "WHY ARE YOU DESTROYING MY HOUSE TO DO IT!?!?!?" Their reply: "because there was previous lines and cables in the way". I ordered them off my property and insisted on seeing the President IMMEDIATELY. They said they were ordered not to leave the property until they got something to work.
I went into the house, dialed the company again, while this time, loading my gun. I told the customer service department in NO UNCERTAIN terms that if they did not get these idiots off my property I was going to start firing for trespass, "and I'm loading the gun as we speak!" She in turn hailed her supervisor, and dialed the police. After several minutes of arguement, the supervisor stated that the police would like me to call them. Gladly, I replied, because it's going to take the National Guard up here to clean this place up when I'm done with it!! I called the police as I walked out on the deck with a loaded gun in one hand, and a cellular in the other. The police wanted me to give them directions to my house.....the 911 system couldn't find me. Well, this is just great!! I finally do something illegal and obnoxious. Now, the police can't find me!
Now, how the heck do I give directions to my house from the station, if I don't know where the station is? I just moved here, and this is where this problem began. But as I looked across the lawn, I saw those same workmen digging a trench across the middle of my freshly cleaned and cut lawn. I told the officer on the phone to hold on while I "kill these incompetent, poor excuses for manhood". And off I ran across the lawn, waving gun in hand, threatening to "blow the balls off the next man that touches a single inch of my property, and who is not off it in the next 15 seconds!!" By this time, the dog was getting riled, and between the two of us, I guess they finally decided their lives were somewhat at risk. An hour later, I finally convinced everyone to leave me alone. And I cried myself to sleep that night.
The next day Vince came over to attempt to rectify some semblence of order to my new home. He brought with him a portable grill and steaks.....and cooked steaks and corn out on the driveway. While I was at work that day, he loaded furniture, put in phone lines, set up my desk and computer, set up my waterbed and made a roast, potato, and vegetables for dinner.... even had the washer and dryer set up and working when I got home! He even did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen!!! I felt like I had moved into heaven itself! The water worked. I had electricity, phones, internet and cable. Life was good! FINALLY!
I continued to bill the phone company, and started sending them threatening past due notices. They finally paid the bill, but then in turn, sent me one for "installations of services". I wrote not-so-nice notes all over them and sent them back, daring them to turn off my services if I didn't pay them! After two months, they finally threw in the white towel, and started a clean slate.
The second month in the house, and just a week after getting all the utilities up and working, the girls and I went into town for the evening. A tornado hit the area while we were in Dahlonega. I returned home, unable to get up the driveway due to downed trees, had no electricity, found the dining room french patio door busted up and debris everywhere. After parking the van down at the end of the driveway, walking up to the house, looking around, my first response was again, to throw in the towel. But I hung in there. I got the truck, hooked up the cables to the back, and pulled the debris back away from the driveway. I finally got the van up to the garage. Then we started the clean up routine inside the house. And once again, it was 2 days before I had electricity.
During the clean up, I left the back patio door open to take out the trash. Just as I rounded the corner of the kitchen, I tripped over a super-sonic "whiz" moving across the floor. I heard it. I saw it. I tripped over it. But what the heck was it?!?!?!?! I went, again, on a search and destroy mission through the house to find the zipping object. A squirrel had gotten into the house. Four hours later, I finally chased it back out, only to let a bird into the house. That trespasser took all night to remove!
Now about this time, I determined that I needed to make some changes before winter hit. I need a
generator for power outages. I need firewood for the stove, and at least one kerosene heater. I have
plenty of oil lamps and candles. I've collected them for years. I just never realized they would ever
become so practical for everyday use! And I need a BB gun for sneaky animals and pheasants. Life has definitely taken a different twist here in the country!
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