I’d come to the straightforward conclusion earlier in the week that I’d try and establish boundaries with Season. She’s already set up quite a few of her own but also managed to cross a good handful also, so it was a bit hard to say what exactly the cut off point was there. The prospect of this budding friendship was now prominent in my mind and I was more than anxious too see my pictures in the final prints, my hopes and dreams of photography could be shattered of forfilled in those simple glossy shots. I fell asleep the last few nights re-playing what I’d actually taken, how I’d actually captured her what shadows and perspectives I had accomplished in moving an arm here and a leg there. I remember feeling exactly the same when we played our first joint song, I knew it could make or break us, make us stronger or make us weaker. In the end I think it’s safe to say it’s done both, but I hoped for a change, my photographs would stay on the positive outlook of things.

The chine seemed unusually busy for a nippy November afternoon, the air was muggy and damp and even though the sun was out, there was an evident chill in the air very much like the one last Saturday night that landed Season with a cold and a chapped fever. I thought she’d be here by now but she seemed uncommonly late, even though I was well aware I had no idea of her habits to be making assumptions, but I was getting cold and I had to meet someone at the airport in a little under two hours so I was going to make all the assumptions I wanted whilst I froze off my ass.

Thanks to my sleeping educing cold antibiotics I’d gotten after a trip to the doctor on Tuesday, I’d fallen asleep shortly after putting Taylor’s pictures in a spare portfolio filer I had, slotting my charcoal drawing of the picture I took in the protective sleeve at the back as an added surprise for him- resulting in me waking a little over an hour ago realizing I’d said to meet him. I’d had immense fun trying to duplicate the picture onto paper and even though I was very out of touch with the art of pastel and charcoal I was happy with the white chalk pastel and harsh black smudges of the flaky charcoal. Sufficiently pleased with my sly picture I decided it would make a nice gift for him, especially since it depicted him so angelic and so peaceful in the state between deep sleep and consciousness.

I cabbed it to the chine, grabbing my stuff and paying the driver before I sprinted between sniff and sneeze towards the make shift opening, hearing the giggle and frolic of children beyond the redwoods with every approaching step. As I turned into the chine itself I saw him standing there, dressed in blue jeans, one very big sweater and a scarf wrapped so many times around his neck it looked like the forming of a double chin. His hands were gloved, shoved deep in his pockets a brown suede bag was slung across his body hap hazardly.

’Taylor I’m so sorry I’m late, this medication makes me so drowsy,’ I apologized as he stood from his slouched position to look at me, we an acknowledging smile.

’It doesn’t matter but I do have to be somewhere in two hours. How are you feeling?’

’Can’t say I’m doing star jumps and the crack of dawn right now but I’m a lot better than I was midweek, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving Sunday morning but you just looked like you could use the sleep,’

’It’s okay, I got your note and it was mighty kind of you to take the film in, you were right though it wouldn’t have done for me to take it myself-not that I’m embarrassed but you know, shit has a funny way of hitting the fan round here,’

’Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t like I went out of my way for you,’ I had to understand the new rule of thumb- it’s okay to lean on him a little, quit with the hostile and stubborn attitude would be a good thing to tape above my ceiling so I see it before drifting off into a intoxicated sleep. I shrugged a little as he rubbed his gloved hands looking slightly edgy and nerved.

’Well seeing as how you have to leave so soon how about we sit down and take a look at your pictures?’

’Sure, I might just go get us a hot drink though before we do,’ he nodded as I slipped my bag off my shoulder, walking with him to a patch of grass shadowed by the tall braches of the redwood. After asking me what I wanted I watched as he took a few steps in the direction of the food cabin and then stop, turning back to face me, advancing once again.

’Coffee two sugars, thanks,’ I smiled, expecting him to shoot me a hopeless ditzy look and chuckle at himself for getting brain freeze.

But he didn’t have brain freeze at all.

’Look Season there’s some things I wanted to talk to you about actually, some things I think you should know,’

’Sounds oh so serious, what is it? You have to go out of town, I have to understand you won’t be around all the time? Taylor stuff like that I pretty much…,’

’No, not that kind of stuff,’ the slightly nervy tone of his voice mimicked the nervy tendency he was experiencing as he rubbed his hands over and over unnecessarily. He smiled faintly, shrugging his shoulder, puffing out his chest as he tried to take a deep, chilled breath.

’It’s about Saturday, look, I can’t tell you how much that day meant to me and what experience it’s already provided but Season there’s some things I don’t understand,’

’Like what?’

’It’s hard to quite put it into words that will actually have any effect really but, what you said before you went to bed, about never being allowed to give it’s been on my mind all week and I want to know why you said it,’

’If your implying I said it for effect then your very wrong Taylor. Why’s your need to know so strong that you have had it on your mind? Surely you have enough problems and joys of your own to be working your way through,’

’You also said that I was to just go along with what you were doing, that what you did- it didn’t mean anything, that you were just helping me out with something you’d created. You said that was giving me insight into you, well so far there’s so many insights to read I don’t know quite where to begin,’

She looked at me through narrowed eyes, her fingers fumbling with the cuffs of her jumper, pulling them over her hands to keep them warm. I know that perhaps snowballing her with questions wasn’t the best way of a subtle interrogation but I had things that had to be said and I couldn’t put them off any longer.

’I was ditched by parents and given to family who didn’t want me. That’s cool and I could handle that, I preferred my own company anyway but then I got my dream scholarship. To art school in Louisiana to be exact, one of the top three in the country. It was my way out, my chance to shine. But I didn’t because I wasn’t given the chance. I didn’t want to conform, to fit in with the spoilt brats who never wanted to be there in the first place and it cost me everything. In short they drove me out and the doctor was all about ready to stamp paranoid on my forehead when I moved out here with little money and only one friend to my name to live with while I tried to get my life together. When I did I never saw that friend again, I didn’t want to I wanted a new life I wanted a fresh start with me and well, you know the rest, my life has been un until now me and me only,’

’So why make an exception for me?’

’I don’t know, so many reasons could come to mind, none of which I’m sure I can say aloud because I don’t quite know what to say about them but in short, you showed persistence and intrigue and you don’t seem to question my actions, despite the little time I’ve known you I’ve done a lot of questionable things,’

’I can’t deny that you have but I’m going to have to question at least one, I have too. Season I said it at the time and I’m saying it now- where I come from, friends don’t give each other pleasure just because they planted the seed of excitement there to start with, I don’t understand it and that is one thing and the only thing I will ask you to explain to me,’

’It won’t be the only thing Taylor, curiosity would get the better of you one day about something else your not open minded enough to accept,’

’Where did that come from?’

’Exactly where it originated,’

’Season come on I’m not trying to offend, I just want to know, get an understanding- add meaning to the illustration,’

’If I dropped a glass of milk in your kitchen I would clear it up,’

’Season no I don’t mean it like that, I know what you meant by it I just wish to have more insight, was it really just as simple as sketching me, feeling bad for making me hard and relieving me of it? Was it really that simple?’

’Why do things have to be complicated to you, can nothing ever be plain? I don’t desire you physically, I do not need a man to have sex with, give blowjobs and walk down the aisle with, it’s not something I see in my future. What I did for you was an act of help, a meaningless thing I didn’t think twice about. You managed to contain yourself when you were photographing me, you handled yourself and you understood where I was coming from then surely this does not differ far from that?’

’I know it may seem like I’m reading between the lines here..,’

’No Taylor you are reading between the lines. Stop being so taboo here, I may live life alone but I am well aware that something as meaningless as a bit of head is not as taboo as it used to be way back when. If you don’t understand the simplicity of it all then I’m afraid you have already got the misconception about me that I warned you of. Next you will be questioning my sexuality, my individuality and worst of all my artistic ability because you can’t take things for what they are,’

’I didn’t mean to upset you, I didn’t mean to even make this a big deal but I’m just not used to things being that clear cut,’

’Life’s not difficult, but most people go looking for the difficulties, can’t accept it when things are offered up, no strings,’

’Please don’t think I’m a terrible person, I just had to say something and now look where it’s got me,’

’Couldn’t your conscience deal with it? Find an excuse or a reason like it did when I kissed you here at the chine, right before I passed out? You found one then, you said you did and you even got the reason right,’

’As simple as it may have been it was wrong and at the risk of provoking your anger further I’ll have to say that type of giving can’t happen again,’

’Season, I’m engaged,’