It was 4 days passed since I'd thrown coffee in Taylor's face and fled from his sad and tragic words that he used to try and bait me again, try and make me ruin what I have with Hyde. It was the final straw for me, and I knew full well that I couldn't take one more word from him-I'd let him stew like he left me to stew the day recording finished. It's not nice to think about, but after a couple of months you see the downside to pining after him-it's not worth the heartache, especially not for me.
I'd gone home to find Hyde in the middle of ordering a pizza after his first day at work and I just had to wrap my arms around him, resting my cheek on his back as he grazed his hands over mine as he finished his order before putting the phone down to turn round and kiss me in a delightfully refreshing way. The way he held me, pushing me back out into the living room as we collapsed on the sofa made my laughter heighten at Taylor-Hyde was mine and no matter how much Taylor wanted to believe his trashy girlfriend was having it on with him so that I'd run to his arms when it all fell to pieces, it would never be the case. He was the one and I was his one, this was it for us.
I left for work this morning before Hyde had surfaced, he wasn't due in till 2pm and was catching up on some sleep after a late night working on some arrangements. I had no suspicions of Beau and by now I'd pretty much erased my little flid with Taylor. Of course I didn't like Beau's friendship with him-I didn't know her, it was just instinct to be suspicious until proven otherwise. I hadn't been proven otherwise but the fact that she seemed so over sexed, told me she was happy getting her kicks (and her bank account) out of Jordan Taylor Hanson. Chuckling to myself as I walked across the small parking lot to the studio, I recalled how good an actor Taylor would make. His sad face, his whimpering voice and his shouts of sheer desperation-nice try boy, but unlike falling into your bed, this one don't wash.
I'd spent the last 5 days feeling sorry for myself-in private only. My original thought that Alba wouldn't believe me if I made such a wide accusation that Beau and Hyde were sleeping together, was only proven when I felt the lukewarm coffee dripping from my face in humiliation. She must think lower of me now more than ever, probably thinking I don't deserve any woman if that's what I accuse them of-perhaps cause I'm unhappy in the relationship and I don't know how to end it, I bet that's what she thinks. I'd come home to find Beau biting her nails, perched on the sofa watching a re-run of Mad About You from last week. I looked at her carefully before making her aware I was home, looking at her looking so innocent, blemish free and everything I thought I wanted in a girlfriend. But I knew better than to accept her fa�ade anymore.
I went straight up the stairs to get myself out of my drenched shirt and head straight for the shower, feelings of disgust not wanting me to let her know I was home, so she could run into my arms and kiss me, looking me in the eye when she said I had her worried and she missed me. 'Taylor? Baby is that you?' she cooed when I was thudding halfway up the stairs. Remembering that I needed more than a split second vision of their tryst to slam her faithfulness to me I gritted my teeth as I continued walking and replied with a cheery 'yup baby,'. It wasn't soon before she'd cornered on my way to the bathroom, towel round my waist and brush in hand my body now yearning for a nice cool shower to erase my stupidity that I had in think Alba would listen AND take me seriously. Her arms were around me, pulling me close to her as she kissed my neck sweetly before pulling back to look me up and down. I missed you last night,' she whispered in my ear before kissing the sensitive below the lobe. I closed my eyes in pleasure and disgust that she doesn't even show any sort of guilt for her actions-no mood swing, nada. 'Sorry, Isaac and I did some brotherly bonding,' my excuses were almost as good as hers. She smiled sexily before she pushed the bathroom door open and pulled me in by the tuck in the white towel around my waist. 'Well, whatever you were doing-I was waiting to say I'm sorry for the way I acted the other night with you must be the run up to ladies week or something,' she joked as she locked the door behind us, pushing me up against it, whipping the towel from my body instantly. My insides were churning. Nothing could seem special with her anymore. When she screamed, would she be biting her tongue from saying his name? It's not our own special union anymore, the thing that work us both up won't seem quite so special, but I couldn't say anything, not until I could be sure, until someone could believe me. I don't want to be alone from this, it's be another mistake and I don't want to be alone with myself again.
Praise the heavens for this one time that girls get periods. Monday's awkward 'love' making came and went, leaving me to fidget with the notion I felt dirty and used, unstable and ready to burst at any moment, should I be knocked the wrong way. It was now Saturday and I was partly awake when I heard bustling around my room and the zip on a suitcase whirring like made. Sitting up a little I saw Beau rummaging through her case, pulling out underwear and clothes along with a huge box of 'woman's things' flying out to land on the bed. 'What's with the rush?' I questioned as she turned to look at me, clothes bundled in her arms like an old washerwoman. 'Well, I have to go to Hyde's and pick up the final mix of my demo and then, I was going to shout you lunch-we haven't spent much time together out and about so I think we should rectify that,' she smiled, kissing me on the lips sweetly as I ran a hand through my dishevelled locks. She was going to see Hyde and then she was going to see me? I felt like grimacing but couldn't for fear of arousing her suspicions. 'Sounds good,' I gulped as she pecked my lips once more and wandered off to get changed as I sat in wonder.
If I turned up, spied, caught them in it-what exactly would I gain? I could just end it now without her knowing I know her dirty little secret and it would be much easier. Why do I feel so compelled to make Alba see what's happening? Some might say it was the fact I didn't want to see Alba happy, some might say it's because there's some, as yet unknown reason that I don't want to see her happy if I'm not happy. Some might say I'm seeing the error of my ways in the past turmoil we created. Pulling myself out of bed to get changed, I decided to confront her again, make her go to her house so e could talk and you never know, I could be wrong, but either way something happened between Beau and Hyde before-even if it's not now. She'd have to believe me, but I wouldn't blame her if she didn't.
I couldn't believe I left all my papers at home this morning. It's not like I was in some kind of spasticated rush and it wasn't like Hyde was all out trying to pull me into the shower for a quickie either, eh perhaps it's my old dear of an age. Storming down the street to my house in a power walking rush, water bottle in hand, keys in pocket, I wondered maybe I was pre-occupying my absent thoughts with pondering about what Taylor's scheming up-if Monday was anything to go by. But as I passed house upon house, the air cleared my head as I broke out in a sweat thanks to the midday sun as I tried to remember where exactly I'd put my papers.
He'd silently let me in the door, no musical hello to greet me with, no smile either. Was it me or was he sending the 'I think we made a mistake' message? Well if he was, I would be damned if he would ruin this last, little thing for me. My body was Taylor's...my heart wanted to be his and if I can do this and not have any guilt-or want more from him after his load is spent...then I know it's him where I should plough my heart's path.
I pulled him too me, kissing him forcefully as he grappled for my lips, tugging my hand as he pulled me up the stairs roughly, his tongue tracing the edge of my bottom lip as he stumbled stupidly on the top step, pulling me into the first door we came too, slamming it shut before I pushed him back against it, our frenzy driving us fretful to just get on with it, cut the foreplay of kissing and groping and just get to the core. 'Did he suspect anything?' he gasped as I squeezed the lagging bulge straining at the material of his , his hands rubbing over my bare shoulders, pushing down the straps on my top and my bra in unison, to save his energy no doubt. 'I told him I'd meet him for lunch, he's a pussycat,' I grinned menacingly as I tugged at his trousers as he crossed his arms and brought his t-shirt up over his head. Just then he practically threw me on the bed, no thought for anything but testing himself, but do you see me complaining? I just wriggle, moan and tell him when I want it hard and fast-that's all I got to do to know where I truly want to spend my life. With a man like Hyde, who can pleasure me beyond belief or be with someone like Taylor-caring, sensitive and a general all rounder.
It had occurred to me that I should opt for the route of telling Beau it just wasn't working out, take the chicken's route and watch everything explode looking outside in-but then wouldn't it just be tradition for Alba to come looking for me, hand slapping me right across the face yelling more than Fred Durst on a bad day for not persisting to bug her about it, about Hyde going off with Beau. But walking down her street on my way to talk to her, I realized either way I'm practically in shit with her, Beau and Hyde my mouth running away with me again and earning my rightful place at the head of the 'fuck up relationship' councillors list.
As I turned down the corner I looked up through glistening shadows of over hanging trees on the pavement to see Alba, steaming towards me like a loco on speed. My breath caught in my throat as I stood still in my tracks as she continued to power her way down the sidewalk. 'Alba?' I called when she was only a few feet away. Her head snapped up in sheer surprise, her grip clutching the bottle of water in her hand defensively as she scuffed her feet to a halt in front of me. 'I thought I told you....,' she started, flipping hair out of her face. 'It's a public sidewalk, who died and made you commissioner?' I spat back, scaring myself at my hostile attitude. She just huffed and carried on with her step before I moved to block her again, pushing her shoulder lightly to stand still and listen to me. 'I left some papers at home, I need them and I have a deadline, so be a good boy and just piss off back to your little southern-tooth fairy,' Her tone was mocking, her insinuation was snide as I eyed her curiously as she stomped her foot childishly and completed her temper with a roll of her flecked eyes. 'Well seeing as how I was on my way to talk to you, we can either do it here or I can come piss you off at the studio, what's it to be?' I looked at her forcefully until she stomped her foot once again before replying. 'I'm sick of talking to you, god one day Taylor you pushed my furthest limit, your a liar and you have no idea how irritating you are to me like the spot I can't squeeze. I'm fucking happy and your not-I've let go, your just trying to let go cause you chose to ignore everything at the time-NONE of that is my problem, so just leave me out of your pathetic little rock star excuse for inhabitance of this crappy earth,' she pushed past me, knocking me sideways as she stormed back off down to her house, leaving me chewing my thoughts. In shit either way? Right then.
Running up to her, walking with her as she tried to push me to the edge of the sidewalk and into the road stupidly I carried on talking. 'I saw it with my own eyes Alba, say what you want about me, what your incorrect thoughts are on my life-but I saw it. On the floor, in your kitchen, the same room we ended up having sex on that table-oh yeah remember that? He was on top of her, in her making her scream over and over,' My words were harsh, close to the bone, chilling and unpleasant to even think for myself but when she shut her eyes and stopped dead in her tracks I knew I'd hit something this time. 'Not a pretty visual is it?' I taunted as she turned to me, flutting her eyes open with a look of poison. 'You sad bastard, you'd use your own girlfriend just to continue to bain my life! When will you finally get off this?!' she yelled, defensively crossing her arms over her chest. 'What you going to do to shut me up Alba? Throw your water over me? You might pretend not to listen but I know you hear it-don't stand there and tell me you've not let your mind wander that his friendship with Beau was too good to be true. Oh and I must have done something right, I made you scream louder than he made her scream,' I chuckled hauntingly as she started to hit me on the chest. Flashbacks of our 'reconciliation' after her stay at her sisters came back to dazzle me, and her too for as quickly as she started, she stopped and looked at me with those confused and hazy eyes that I saw ever since that night at the studio. 'Why are you doing this to me? Even if he was, what right do you have to tell me about it? You just have to twist the knife don't you? You made me miserable, what we had was fucking miserable god damn it and your never going to let me forget it are you?' her voice was calm, almost pleading as she looked at me solemnly as I sighed deeply. Looking up I saw her naked and scared emotions, the cogs in her brain going faster and faster as she pondered my words of betrayal that I'd seen from Hyde. 'Has it occurred to you this hurts me to say? I care for Beau very much and I don't want to see what we have wasted but I can't just keep quiet about what I saw with my own two eyes! Christ, how do you think I felt going back to her knowing YOUR boyfriend had made her come, scream with ecstasy and be begged for more? There's no knife to twist and yes we were miserable but when we were in bed-we could quench our hate and anger, dislike and despair for each other just that little bit more, and reach a medium where we could just about tolerate each other, it never was anymore than that,' My body calmed when I'd relaxed to the thought I'd calmed her enough to perhaps talk to her without loosing my voice in the process. She just looked at me and rubbed her eyes, reaching her fingers up to her temples to rub them soothingly, although there was nothing soothing about what was unfolding. 'But why tell me? If it's a lie or if it has some truth-why tell me and not watch me get hurt? I thought you would have got off on that,' Her words were shards of glass, poised to be thrown at me head on if I answered wrongly. 'Either way I get involved. I sit there and do nothing and watch you find him guilty of all I've said and then you come looking for me, slapping me for not drumming it into you that what I said was right-or I could have done it this way, chosen to tell you and hound you till you listen-either way I'm involved and I get hit in someway-both ways someone looses somebody,' Satisfied I'd replied correctly I waited for her to ask me what I saw, beg me to tell her the whole truth of how I came to knowing but instead I felt a sting in my cheek and I crushing pain in my groin. 'The slaps what you deserved and the kneeing is for my own personal pleasure,' she cackled as I crouched over, trying to conquer the pain my body was throbbing with. 'Hyde wouldn't succumb to a slapper like your beloved Beau-first off, he hasn't got the millions you do and secondly, why go for him? Whores stay together, eh Taylor?' she winked with a wiggle of her hips as the redness in my cheeks didn't seem to go down any when I rose my head to look at her serpent like tongue lashing out the insults just like always. 'So we had sex-on the table, in the hallway, in my office, in my bed, in the loos at the studio, on your parents bed when everyone was out shopping for new CARPETS! Over and over drilling ourselves that life was much more like it should when we could only scream for it! I wish to god I'd never laid eyes on you, your family or you stupid excuse for a dick-I wish I'd not been myself, giving the opportunity for the shit to hit the fan in true Alba style-but it did, can't take it back as much as I'd like to like a crappy xmas gift from Macy's! Keep your girlfriend away from Hyde so I don't have to see her sorry ass, or yours for that matter-leave us alone, were happy, but for you I suggest getting a dictionary and you look up the meaning cause I doubt you'll know what it's like to feel it,'
It was all I could do to stand there and not want to strangle her or lash out, be the bad Christian boy no one thought I could be-but then again, I am a bad little Christian boy in the eyes of Alba, Isaac and more than likely my own self conscience. I felt another sting in my cheek before watching her march off down past the few houses, and disappearing up her drive. Gaining composure I decided she's had her say and I still had some icing to put on our cake. So jogging slowly up the path I caught up with her putting the key in the lock and barged my way through into the house with her before she could lock me out.