'It's hardly worth me saying anything because you won't listen. You obviously can't talk about it anymore now there are other people are involve, which I'm also guessing this Hyde and Beau don't know about your past' Isaac rambled as he predictably replied what I guessed her would. I shook my head in response that they didn't know and he just sighed, struggling to phrase his words. 'You don't think there is a possibility Taylor that now it's a year on, your both happily taken and now you've bumped into each other again...you don't think that could be sending out some spark of desire to have each other again?' His words swirled around before drowning in my thoughts, but as I shut my eyes and rose to standing I knew that it was a mistake to tell Isaac, he couldn't let me think these possibilities-not when I so desperately want to love Beau.
'I never loved her, I don't want to love her-it's just hard to try and love Beau when my shitty past is bumping into me on almost a daily basis, don't make me think about stuff I don't need to Isaac,' I practically shouted as I turned to him looking bewildered and sorry he spoke. 'Okay Taylor, but I'm just saying, regardless of what you did before you still had sex, time and time again there was at least some animal magnetism drawing you to do that, weather it meant you hated each other less when you did isn't an issue-maybe if she took time out to think about things before, it's about time you thought about what you both did,' I looked at him disgusted as I reached for the handle on the newly hinged pine door. 'If I wanted a teacher lecture I would have asked mom-fuck Isaac I didn't come here for a talk about Alba, that's the last thing on my mind, I wanted some advice on Beau and you push me to spill!' he stood up to follow me down the staircase, as I stormed towards the front door. 'Taylor I did give you advice on Beau-sort whatever past with Alba and lay it to rest and then you'll be able to learn to love Beau more, sometimes in a problem it's a link effect to sort the problem, it doesn't have to be related to the problem to affect it,' he hushed as I turned to him before I pulled open the door. Looking at my older brother, standing there in a blue baggy t-shirt and Old Navy blue sweats, his hair freshly washed and curling up in baby curls hanging over his forehead, his concerned brown eyes trying to tell me he meant no harm-but I didn't want to listen. 'So what? It will never go away for as long as she's here, I'm home and Beau is friends with that boyfriend of hers. I'll cope with this by myself thanks, sorry to have wasted your time, oh and please, for my sanity-don't tell anyone what I told you,' I hissed, pointing a finger at him before storming out the front door childishly as I made it down to the car in a huff, vowing to focus on Beau-starting from right now. Turning the engine on, I steamed towards Alba's house to pick up my girlfriend and make amends for my shitty attitude last night with a trip and dinner out of town, nothing focuses me more than spending time with her, and no one else to distract.
I'd scurried out early this morning, trying to avoid Taylor, for fear I'd end up shouting at him even more un nessiserly . I was out of order last night, I should take out my bad mood on him at any time, especially last night when I made a total fool of myself. I'd turned up to see Hyde looking a little solemn and like he'd spent the previous night like me, thinking up my apology whilst he thought up his response. Out came my words of stupidity and he was quick to accept them and press on with the work-I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to get it done in double time to get rid of me.
We were sat in his kitchen, eating flour wraps with chicken and salad stuffed inside with an unhealthy amount of mayonnaise drizzled over the meat for good measure. I was nibbling slowly as he sipped at his cool iced tea sighing at its refreshing cool taste. 'So when do you plan on going back to Texas?' he spoke softly as I looked over to him quizzically. 'Want to get rid of me that badly do you?' I half-smiled, trying to make a joke out of what I found the icing on the cake answer to my question that he just couldn't wait to see the back of me after yesterday. 'I didn't mean it like that-I was just asking because well, I wasn't sure when Taylor left town again and I didn't think you'd stick around if he wasn't here, no offence meant,' he shrugged as he tucked back into his food and awaited my reply. I didn't quite know what to say to him, I wasn't sure myself. 'I don't really know, when he leaves town again I guess I'll go home, but I think he's home for another month-it all depends on how the relationship is, we might grow tired of each other before then!' I giggled as he smiled sensitively as the realization of what I said sunk in. One too many stupid arguments like last night and I'd be on my way home mighty quickly. 'So your looking forward to starting freelancing tomorrow?' Desperate to stop hearing words of my relationship spew from his mouth, I found another talking point. 'I guess I am, I miss it after a while and what with Alba working now I'll have to get used to us acting like the working couple now and not the couple of leisure,' I finished my food and pushed my plate away as I waited for him to finish, trying to think of more idle conversation to warp myself in rather than focusing on his lips and the fact I had more lust building up for him inside of me than I was happy with. 'Your just getting comfortable now, it's like the honeymoon period is over and now it's all real, moving in, both have jobs...next it'll be marriage!' What the hell am I saying to him?
He looked a little disearned and just smiled at me politely as he took our plates and walked over to place them in the sink as I stood to reach for another glass of water from the cool pitcher on the side. 'It's defiantly scary, it makes it all official I guess,' he looked distant as I turned to him, drinking gulp upon gulp of water, to steady my nerves. 'But that's what you want, you love each other so that's not a bad thing,' I pointed out, gesturing to him with my glass before raising it to my lips. I couldn't help but notice his nerving look as he leaned up against the counter, sighing lightly. 'I want to be with her, living with her but I guess, we've been together 8 months, it seems so set in stone now, next it'll be an engagement and then marriage and a baby and.,' I had to but it with a laugh. 'Whoa whoa tiger! Don't get ahead of yourself, that stuff takes time and I don't get the impression marriage is at the top of Alba's priority, you both have budding careers you've nowhere near for filled yet-it'd be years if you decided to get married and kids....your by no means an old man!' I smiled as he reached for his glass of iced tea and ran a hand through his hair slowly. 'Well maybe but I don't want this to become too serious too fast. I care for her with all my heart and it's safe to say I love being with her and yes, to a point I love her very much, she's extremely special too me but I guess, I have to make sure that I'm right about her for definite,' His words were very true, I felt the same way about Taylor.
As comfortable as we seemed to be, making out, having a good and healthy sex life as well as being able to talk to each other and see each other for what we are, the fact that we have to keep being fresh to stop the relationship from going stale, was evident from our petty argument last night. Hyde set his glass down in the sink as I leaned over to tip mine in too whilst asking: 'Well how do you know when you're right about her?' I queried with arched eyebrows. I looked at him up and down as he cleared his throat and stepped closer too me. I watched him bend down a little as I could feel his hot breath on my face, our lips only inches away. It seems to be apparent that my stupid hormones affect yesterday was to make him wonder if he was ready to settle down and now, it looked to be as his lips crushed against mine, as I brought my hand up to cup his cheek gently-I was the indicator weather he was ready or not. 'We can't,' I murmured as he let his kisses fall down my cheek to my neck and collarbone, my eyes closed tight from the overwhelming sensation this was happening. It then dawned on me I had no right to preach it wasn't right after how I acted yesterday. But as I remembered, I wasn't sure 100% that I could love Taylor, for now I could, but as the weeks go on in our relationship, would the healthy sex life and normal girlfriend/boyfriend routine be enough?
I relaxed in his arms as he sucked my lip gently allowing my tongue to probe old territory as he pushed my shorts over my hips almost instantly. 'God I forgot how good this is,' he raggedly replied as I undid the zipper on his jeans, snaking them down his hips as my hands trailed round to his behind and stayed there. His t-shirt and my top soon found it's way onto the chair as he pulled my bra off me roughly, leaving me as naked as the day I was born, pressed up against him as I felt his erection pressing needily at my thigh. I felt his hands on my hip hoisting me to sit on the counter, our lips still assaulting each other's skin as his hands stayed on my hips and I parted my legs to let him stand between them. Memories of our previous "awkward" fuck in a dark closet in the most impromptu of places came flooding back as I smiled against his skin as I felt him nearing me to enter. I rested my head over his shoulder as he slid into me, my eyes rolling to the back of my head when I realized why I lusted after this man as much as I did after our one night stand over a year ago. 'Something's never change,' I whispered in his ear as I let him push harder into me, again and again as I moaned uncontrollably, coursing with his beautiful groans as I held on for yet another wild ride. I felt nothing but pleasure of the moment, and the names Alba and Taylor seemed to escape my memory, temporerily of course.
Walking up the drive to Alba's house, I'd brought a bunch of flowers , my romantic way of apology to Beau for being such an over-dramatised bastard last night. My plan was to take her out for a drive, a bit of dinner and then back home for a nice night in-stuff whatever demo she was doing with Hyde, I'd finish it off if need be. The fact that Isaac's words had seemingly wafted from my memory surprised me, but as I drove passed the studio and saw Alba's car in the lot, I realized again that it was 4-1 and at least I'd vented to someone. I'd not got the response I was hoping for but then again, it's got it off my chest and now maybe my sights would remain solely on the girl I've come to care for, Beau Martin.
But as I walked up the drive I heard screaming coming from one of the open windows downstairs, my expression furrowed as I listened more closely as I approached. I noticed the kitchen window was open slightly at the top and the frantic gasping and screaming was coming from inside that room. Upon peering in I first noticed the kitchen table that had witnessed a rampant time much to my pleasure (and the only time I'd smile at the past with Alba) but as I looked down, I almost fainted in the hedgerows behind me and struggled to keep down my breakfast at what I witnessed.
My girlfriend, spread eagle on the floor, naked with a familiar 6 foot giant sprawled on to of her, buck ass naked, pressing down on her roughly, slamming in and out of her like there was no tomorrow. Her eyes were closed and she screamed for more and he willingly gave it, over and over again. My eyes were going crossed at the sight. A hand cupped my mouth in shock as tear left my eye in shock-but shock for whom? Me, Alba, my relationship with Beau? I pealed away from window and walked on unsteady legs back down the drive towards my car, leaving the final scream of 'MORE!' from Beau, behind me, trailing in the wind. For the first time in while I was the one crushed. To think I've been so self absorbed in combating any past or intentions with Alba, I'd missed some of my own girlfriend. I couldn't even begin to phantom why. Was this because of last night? But why go to him? I wanted to be with her, pleasure her. give her 'MORE!' she knew this. Do I tell someone? Alba? She wouldn't believe me. Do I tell Beau? I'll see her tonight, all sweetness and light-no doubt her attitude newly reformed to sex and she'd be wanted to be at it all night long. But I didn't want too-I wanted to write it off as an error of sight, but couldn't.
I care for her, and only now as I sit numb in the car, turning the engine slowly to drive away on my own private drive to nowhere-Ville, do I realize that I wanted the opportunity so badly to make it a whole different kind of caring, the one that involved love. I couldn't say I loved her for sure, but what I saw crushed me, scared me and more to the point-made me realize that once again, un knowingly me and Alba had been thrust into another damning situation which would leave us both dizzy, confused and ready to kill each other.