I found myself hugging Alba close to me still when my eyes opened to sunlight in the morning. My cheek pressed against her pillow, our hair blending together in a fusion of blonde, her hand still gripping mine over her soft stomach. I lifted my head a little off the pillow as i looked over at her tranquill expression, her other hand tucked under her cheek, raising her off the pillow a little. Glancing past her at the clock on top of the tv i noticed it was almost time to wake her to get ready for work but it seemed such a shame to do so. I continued to wash my eyes over as i thought to myself at how different i was starting to feel about th whole situation. this was the right amount of shock that was needed to make me see that it was time to be adult, and i think after much weary suspicion she's coming round to this whole new approch i seem to be having. I gently started to retract my hand from her nestled grip as i thought about pulling away from her and starting to wake her up. But as soon as i moved my hand her eyes sprung open, her body shifting over as she rolled into me. 'Don't worry, i'm still fully clothed,' i joked as she smiled dopily, raising her hands to rub the sleep out of her eyes. 'You wouldn't be so stupid as to try anything,' she replied as i pushed hair out of her face in a manor that scared me, as if i was her lover or something equally as caring.
Just then the mechanical ring of the telephone on the table behind the sofa, but through the morning haze like a knife.She didn't move to get it as it just rung again and again, boring a drone in my ears. 'You want me to get the phone?' i asked, just assuming she'd taken up a period of early morning laziness. She lightly pulled my wrist away from where i was just about to swoop ad pick up the phone. Looking at me she pulled my hand away and opened her eyes properly. 'It might be Hyde, and i really don't want to speak to him now-let the answer machine get it,' she hushed as i relaxed a little and waiting as the machine clicked on. Deja vu of being at Isaac's telling him to do exactly the same as Alba had just said because i couldn't face Beau.
'Hi Alba it's me, Hyde. I guess your either at work or still sleeping, or avoiding me-i wouldn't blame you. Just to say i've found an apartment in Oklahoma City, i'm moving to work with my friend in his main studio, but then again you don't care, again i don't blame you. I'll be round to get my stuff either a week today or a week Saturday and then i'll be out of your hair. But just for the record, i miss you like crazy baby, i wish we could have just worked past this-i guess you don't realize what you've got till it's gone, huh? Well...i guess, i'll see you soon,'
I looked over at her sullenly as she just shook her head and scrambled out of the sofa bed, grabbing her pillow before stomping up the stairs lazily. I fell back into the fold away materess and flattened pillows as i rubbed my forehead to release the tension. I was thinking again damnit and it was confusing the hell out of me. Just hearing the appologetic words of Hyde crackling through on the worn answerphone tape made me remember what i was doing here-making peace and yet twice now i'd allowed her to coax me into staying, holding her in my arms when really i was just someone to embrace her. But if that was just the case, even at this stage-there was more to come before she'd forget Hyde and how he hurt her, and as i let my thoughts filter-i decided if she'd let me, i'd be there. Our bridge over our past troubles was slowly starting to take shape and as i reached down to smell my crumpled shirt, i realized the familer scent of white musk was revitalizing and newer than it had been before, because everything felt different this time.
'Thank you for coming with me,in fact thanks for last night, for just being patient wth me-i bet you didn't know weather i'd kill you or heckle you last night but it felt really...nice, you just being there,' The words tumbled out of my mouth before i could vet them as i turned to Taylor as he handed me my files outside the familer studio where our now priceless fued, had first originated. 'Your thanking me? I should really buy a journal and start noting these things down, for they could be rareities!' he laughed as he flipped his fringe out of his eyes and smootghed down his sleep creased shirt. 'Well you were right, it's time to be adult-this thing with Hyde and Beau has really put it all in perspective so think of this as the start of the road to friendship,' i explained as he smiled sweetly when i reached out my hand for him to shake, as if to make it known this time that we'd both really try and not just pretend like we did last time when the bedroom was really the only place we could stand to be together in the same room. He looked at it oddly before hesitently thrusting his clammy hand into mine lightly, shaking it as i broke out in a relieved smile as our handshake broke. 'I guess i'll see you when i see you,' i added just as i turned to go inside. 'Well, how about getting some dinner? I have some melody's i want to work on and i'll be in town so-is lunch together a stage we can do in safety?' his look was serious but i threw him an un-impressed look, followed by a relaxing smile as i nodded my head. 'I don't see why not, but i have to go home for lunch because there's some stuff i need to get for this afternoons session-so your welome to come for cold pizza and iced tea, if not well...,' i waffled as i shifted my grip on the folders now tucked safely under my arm. 'I'll see you around 1 then,' he simply answered before giving me a small wave as he took a few steps backwards before turning to walk back home, hands shoved in pockets, shoes scuffing loudly with every step he took. Shaking my head as i walked through the double doors of the studio i felt myself stop and think that since i opened the door to him last night, i'd felt calmer last night and this morning than i ever had felt in his presence.I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief that maybe he was re-thinking his attitude. But in all honesty, early this morning, feeling his hand, unthreateningly caressing my stomach, his body so close to mine as we just slept, peacefully and gently slept side by side-it felt good, calming and reassuring and almost like i thought it would have been if i'd not been so condesending and so bitchey from day one and i'd let myself see he could be kind and sweet, instead of thinking he was a raging bag of hormones and that misconception led to a powerful, sexual hate-and we all know how that went.
The day was gruling and i just couldn't seem to make the equipment work in the way i wanted it too-maybe it was trying to tell me something, give up and go crawl back into bed. What an appitizing thought that was indeed. I'd walked home as soon as the clock struck 12:30, this mornings work tucked under one arm to be dumped on the kitchen table and the next lot waiting to be ferried to the studio ontop of my hallway table. It hadn't occured to me that grocery shopping should be high on my list of priorities when i peered into the cupboards and found them practically bare. Deciding on a cheese sandwich and iced tea, i walked out to sit on the deck peacefully, the ashes of last weeks bonfire still laying on the scorched grass,i'd barely taken a bite when i heard the front door knocking. Yelling for Taylor to come in after looking to see him peeking through the letterbox, i sat back in my hammock as he breezed through the door in such a fashion i half expected him to yell:'Hunny, i'm home,'
'I'm so tierd, and to think i still have 5 hours of work to wade through,' i moaned as he sat down on the deck, next to the hammock after helping himself to a tall glass of apple juice from the fridge. 'You also said it doesn't have to be done till next week-why not spread it over the next few days so you won't get so tierd of it?' he suggested, with a shrug as i finished nibbling on my sandwich before reaching down to put the plate on the deck. I looked at him through a creased brow before sticking my tounge out. 'Okay mister know it all,' i quiped back as he stood his now empty glass on my now empty plate and turned to look at me. 'You know something-i'm quite positive now that your just meant to be my achillies heal,' he blurted , his arms resting on his knees that were drawn up to his chest in a hudling position. I eyed him suspicously as i tried to phathom his odd little soundbite. 'That has reference to my work load how?' i cautiously responded as i laid back in the hammock and let the slow sway cradle me safely. 'It doesn't in the slightest but i guess i mean....i put a foot wrong with you to start with, i injured myself, that would be the well...sexual shit we had going on and now again we've been drawn together again, it's like an achillies injury that's always my floor and it keeps on getting bad and better again-i just said because well, i mean things seem different now Alba, is my achillies heal getting better or getting bad again? I want you to tell me where were getting with this situation,' he looked at me expectently, his perfectly plucked eyebrow arching perfectly as his aqua eyes peered up at me from his sitting position on the deck.
'You've been thinking about this all morning, i can tell-do we have to keep re-evaluating this with every day that goes by Taylor? It's going okay, if we keep talking about it it'll go bad again,' My voice was litlting with warning, and strong tones. I could see his mind spinning as i sat up more to look at him, i really didn't want to have to think about how this was going every day. It was going okay, step by step-even though i had to admitt a new found tingle like i was letting it all run away with me when i found the over whelming urge to be held by him, or was it the fact he was the only one around to hold me at the time i needed holding?
'I'm sorry, but i just want this to work out this time,' i muttered, suddenly feeling like i was a naughty boy for asking teacher a question and i'd just been told to stand in the corner. She swung her legs over the side of the hammock and lent down a little to make eye contact with me, her stunning chilsed features alarming me a little at their close proximity. 'Take each day as it comes,' she whispered before encouraging me to lighten up a little with a cheeky grin. It was hauntingly familer the way she darted her eyes around my face as i tried to stop staring at her flawless complexion. Just then i felt her hand drag through my hair gently before falling back down and away from me as she sighed and looked down to the floor. 'What's the matter?' i beamed as i she got up at walked away from me a little, turning back sharply to look at me piercingly. 'You know i totally lost it with you on this deck, i had sex with you in practically every room in this house and yet here i sit, with you, making a new bed for me to lay in,' she sighed as i i picked myself off the floor and dusted myself down as i walked over to stand in front of her.I felt a little uncomfortable at the way she was acting, it reminded me very much of that night on the deck and the way she was chowing out about having sex..it actually was starting to make me a little uncomfortable. 'A new bed?' i questioned ignorantly.
'I'm starting to rely upon your company, you fill a void-i wanted to hate you so very much for Hyde leaving me but i couldn't it wasn't anything to do with you, yet we end up being like this now....i meant what i said, you make me feel safe when you hold me and that really scares me, i don't know what it is-i find myself wanting you to stay and hold me tight and i want to know why,' she explained softly as i let the words wash over me, making me feel impowered for a change, in control and able to speak freely in her presence. I was still on my analysis that Alba was one of the most fragile, scared and fearful person i'd met in my whole life, her fasade was melting ebfore my very eyes, especially when she bore her eyes to mine, expecting me to soothe her with an answer. I found myself wanting to hold her, wanting to put all my heart and soul into making this right and for what reason? Was she right? The tables were turning? Was i starting to get attached, even in the face of her love life collapsing around her like the Berlin wall?
It was all coming back to me.The confusion, the constant wondering what it could be like between us, but he was right-we're just starting to build a new bridge, could having thoughts about Taylor break it, break me, break him all at the same time? It was no word of a lie that he was making me feel sfae, nestled in his arms, knowing i wasn't alone. I never thought i'd find msyelf hankiering after his embrace-but then again, there had been no real time when we'd just held each other and stayed like that before-it wasn't even a relationship before, it was a bizarre game. Is that why this started to feel different now, i wonder. 'Well...in all honesty i do enjoy being around you now and it makes me feel....special that you seem to want to stay in my arms, but maybe it's just the fact i seem to be there at the right time,' he blabbed as i stood up properly, face to face with him instead of slouching against one of the posts on the deck. 'It's not that Taylor, it's not the fact i'm lonely or frightened of staying inmy own house alone-i've had thoughts of kissing you and staying in your arms of an evening just so i couldn't feel anything else-shit i don't make sense,' i cursed as i covered my face with my hands and drew in breath. I was once again confused, but this time it felt controllable. I felt his warm hands pulling my hands away from my face, dropping them down to my sides, one soft hand cupping my cheek as sson as he let my hand fall away. 'You think that's a good idea? We've been at these crossroads before,' he mused as his thumb grazed my cool skin, as i brought my hand up to pull his hand away gently by his wrist as i bit my lip and shook my head. 'We haven't because before i ended up hating you, part taking in what we did only because it would make it all go away-but it was like a drug, and soon wore off, you were a very unsafe person to be around but i guess since i threw Hyde out, you've shown me what you can be like, unless that's a mask too,' My tone was firm, my head , for once a sorted and organized form of chaos-but i still didn't know what i was doing totally-i knew i needed someone to hold me up, and hold me....i didn't want to feel anything. 'It's not a mask Alba, i told you i've grown up, ' he coaxed, his sparkling eyes glazing over with sencerity as i hestitently stepped in closer too him and sighed, this didn't make sense but.
Leaning forward a little i tilted my head as i felt his smooth lips capture mine in a tender bathe of all things new, improved and lemon sented. He didn't move for a moment, as i watched him close his eyes as i sucked lightly on his bottom lip, as a feeling of difference flowed through me. His tounge and mine met together at the same time, slowly swirling together like it was a new feeling, our first kiss like we were both being different people. I felt his hands raise again to cup my cheeks, pulling us in closer as things reamined calm, and remarkably placid. I felt his hands fall away as we broke our main kiss, his lips placing two tiny kisses at the corners of my mouth before he opened his eyes and looked at me, scared and confused. I didn't want to let myself speak, i didn't want him to speak-it was hard to put a finger on what was swimming round in the gap between us. I immediantly felt vunrable and scared of myself and what was going on as i nestled my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes as his arms pulled me tightly to him as i felt myself breaking out of yet another Alba shell as i tried to phathom myself out, once again.