Our brief, yet seemingly pleasant embrace calmed me down, his hands splaying over my skin, softly calming it's hot fever. It felt un naturally nice but he soon pulled out of it and ushered me p to get some sleep, as he went about dampening down the smouldering cinders and the still raging flames of the bed sheets. It still took me almost an hour to approach my bed, my hands thumping my head to dismiss the image of Beau hovering over Hyde as if he were her new landing pad. I didn't know what i was doing in asking Taylor to stay, but i knew i wouldn't sleep and i didn't want to wake up to a completely empty house, just yet.
I'd managed to slip into the state of half awake, half sleep when suddenly i started to feel my temperature rise as i saw pictures in my head of Hyde begging me, of Beau just scoffing in my face, of their bodies being pressed together in the most intimate way that made my skin crawl. I sat up in a gasp, grappling for air and a cool refreshing breeze as i kicked off my blanket. I ran my hand through my hair nervously as i turned to rest my feet on the floor, my hands pressing down on the mattress as i tried to find the strength to stand and walk down to the kitchen for a mandatory glass of water.
Feeling my way in the dark down the stairs, trying not to wake my sleeping couch guest, i tiptoed through to the kitchen and immediately headed for the glass cabinet and the water cooler at the side of the fridge. Gulping it down like no tomorrow, trying to combat my alcohol head i set about trying to make my way upstairs. But i peeked my head round into the living room to see Taylor, an arm and a leg hanging off the side of the couch bed, in his t-shirt and boxers, his sheet bunched up round his waist. I set my glass of water down on top of the bookcase and slowly walked towards him, smiling to myself at how innocent he looked just sleeping. I sat down on the arm chair only a few centimetres away and rested my arms on my legs, leaning forward as i watched his eyes flinch before he moved over onto his side, facing me, his fringe falling haphazardly in his fluttering eyes. He breathed quietly through his nose, the odd grunt coming out in true male fashion every now and then.
It's strange how unsafe i felt around him before, but when we were in bed together it was the safest place i could ever imagine. It's the only time i could tolerate him, when the only thing your mind is thinking about is getting to your orgasm, i guess all the arguments, the hate and dislike does go out the window. I sat back in the chair as i pondered our civil conversation out on the deck, basking in the light of the fire, it dawned on me that i actually felt comfortable around him, i could look him in the eye and truthfully say that-when you really do loose something you care for, something you've worked hard for, all your mistakes seem so petty because you do feel like, even if it wasn't your fault, it was you that made the mistake that lead to the relationships demise. Maybe having to deal with the sight of Hyde and Beau has made me and Taylor see that all our crossed words since we became 're-united' have been childish and trivial. But what about the situation? Does that mean it's been laid to rest now? Or is it just at a point that we've both been forced into a period of reflection because we'd both got a common denominator, we'd both seen our partners betray us?
I decided that this, from now on had to be put right. I didn't want to fight him, a year has aged him, he knows that there's more to catching a girls eye that being a jack-the-lad and i think i had learnt not to judge a book by it's cover and when i didn't like the books subject, mock it to the point where the situation becomes full of anger and frustration so much so that i end up playing with fire, my emotions and my sanity. I wanted it to be okay now, this couldn't hang over me any longer. Leaning forward again i hesitantly outstretched my hand, lightly sweeping his fringe out of his eyes, gently grazing my finger along his ear as i tucked it neatly back into place. He shifted a little as i let my fingers pad over the soft, cool skin of his cheek before i quickly pulled away when i saw his bright baby blues staring at me with sweet surprise.
I felt tingling on my skin as i shifted a little, thinking perhaps it was a bug come in through the open window. But as i felt a soft pattern being drawn down my cheek i found myself a little startled when i opened my eyes to see Alba, her face only inches from my own as she sat in the arm chair, her face looking guilty as she took her hand away. 'Couldn't sleep,' she whispered as i smiled lop sided, sitting up a little as i rubbed my eyes awake. 'And prodding me helps you pass the time?' i chuckled as she smiled simply, biting her lip as she stomached a giggle. The laughter soon faded when she looked around the room nervously. 'That felt nice,' i soothed as i tried to reach out for her hand with re-assurance that she wasn't unwelcome in doing what she did. She looked at me a little as i cradled her hand in my own before she slipped her hand out of the tender grip. 'You'll never get up for work you know,' i changed the subject and pointed a finger at her as she shook her head. 'Day off-and what great timing for that,' she sighed as the springs creaked on the worn pull out sofa bed. 'Well you can't stay up all night, why don't you go take a shower, see if that helps?' i quietly suggested as she looked over at me again as i pulled the sheet back into some form of order over my clothed body. 'Can i...can i just stay down here with you?' she stammered leaving me looking at her, blinking away. Gracing my gaze over her face, shadowed by the darkness in the room i saw she was shaking a little, her pyjama bottoms, plaid and comfy with a winnie the pooh t-shirt adorning her top half, i had to bite my tongue for commenting on how little she looked. 'Please?' she added as i looked at her face, her eyes shy and her lips pursed. Could this evening, the events of the day provided the second revealed chapter of the book of Alba? Chapter 2:Fragile, Afraid and Fearful.
'If that's what you want, i don't mind,' i lulled as i smiled slightly as i moved over and let her slip under the sheet her leg brushing mine as she snuggled down and pulled the sheet up round her chin before she looked over at me. 'It' s odd being in the same bed and not being all over each other, it's okay i know that's what your thinking-i feel the same,' she winked as i let out a relieved sigh. 'Gotta admit i didn't think i'd see the day,' She turned on her side to look at me, reaching out once again to graze my ear as she tucked the fringe behind it once again. 'Your fighting a loosing battle with that,' i added as her hand fell away, changing the subject. 'Will you hold me again Taylor? Like you did outside?' a pause ensued as i looked at her eyes, asking politely just to be held, perhaps because she didn't want to feel her body had to go without feeling close to someone again. I had no doubt it was all to do with her newly found realization that in telling Hyde to leave, the comfort would leave her too and this was nothing too do with me, her eyes told me it was nothing more than a cry for comfort. She turned over with her back to me and snuggled down on the cushion as i cleared my throat and hesitantly reached out to drape arm over her hips, letting it fall against her stomach as i closed my eyes to hold back my words that there was a danger i could feel too comfortable, but as i heard her sigh i closed my eyes and tried for sleep, as her hand covered mine and held my hand to her body-not wanting me to let her go, for the first time in our acquaintance. It was nothing to do with me that had provoked this, but whatever, it still felt breathtakingly relaxing.
I'd kicked Zac out of the guest room early this morning, after he'd come home via my house, reeking of drink, so I did the brotherly thing of covering for him with mom and dad and pushed him in the direction of the guest room. I was about ready to hop in my jeep and drive out of town, down to OK city to take care of some business when, wallet, cell and documents in hand, keys in mouth as i opened the door-Taylor was standing there looking unusually radiant. 'Did i call at a bad time?' he questioned as he pointed to my car keys that i'd just dropped on the floor. 'No Taylor, i like to practise drills to see how long it takes me to get ready and get to the car,' i revelled as i stepped aside and shooed him in the house. I wonder if i'll be 60 and still putting my life on hold for Taylor? 'So to what do i owe the pleasure, it can't be another fight because you look too pleased with yourself,' i mumbled as i threw my stuff back down on the hallway table and followed Taylor into the kitchen, where i found him already rummaging through my fridge. 'Well, cutting the story short, me and Alba had a fight when i bumped into her walking back to her house, i managed to get inside and hound her until she listened to me and when she opened the bedroom door, as if by miracle Beau and Hyde were poised and ready like pistons,' he rattled off as i sat down at the breakfast bar in compelled shock. 'And you look happy about this why?' my dumbfounded expression caused Taylor to chuckle lightly. 'Well, not only did Alba drag Beau down the stairs naked, by the hair and throw her out-she threw Hyde out too, told him to get his stuff today and not bother to come back crawling. Me on the other hand, i got Beau home and told her to pack her bags too-it was never going to work Isaac even if she hadn't have done this, we only seemed to appreciate each other when we were in bed,' he spieled as he picked out left over take out from last night and soon went in search of a fork. 'So let me get this straight, you both caught them in bed together, she threw Hyde out you threw Beau out....i take it don't end there brother dearest,' He looked at me with wiggled eyebrows before coming to sit opposite me, shoving my elbows of the bar. 'Well i did try and talk to Alba before i left but she just went straight for the vodka and told me to leave, but politely. Anyway i was out for a walk while i left Beau to get her things and sort herself out and i saw smoke coming from the back of her house, i barged round there to find her sitting on the deck watching a bonfire of the bed sheets Hyde and Beau had slept on. We actually had quite a civilized talk and she asked me to stay on the coach, seeing as how she felt too scared to stay on her own-so i did but then in the night she came down and well basically she asked me to hold her, so i did and it's the best nights sleep i've had in ages,' he revelled as he absently picked through the noodles left in the box. It was hard to take in everything he'd just said, but as the older brother i was supposed to psychically know what to say anyway.
'So after all that and this....your just going to forget that you used each other and hurt each other for no real reason and play at being friends now?' i raised my voice a little as Taylor looked at me disgruntled as he tried to calm me down. 'Isaac, she loved him-she fucking wanted to be with him for the rest of her life and you think this was easy for her? It was okay for me, i knew Beau wasn't right for me but it still hurt because no matter how much shit me and Alba put each other through i wouldn't have wished that upon her! Things have changed in the past year!' he screamed as i shook my head at him and got up to get myself a drink. 'That's not what i asked Taylor, i said your just going to forget the past and be friends again? Burry it all in a big pit like you did when you met Beau and then wait for it to grow creepers and strangle you again?' i asked again. He turned to look at me, perched on his stool, take out box in his greasy little hand. 'She was frightened Isaac, when we talked last night we'd both just lost something and our past suddenly seemed so trivial and un-important Were both in this place of thinking, the realization that this time we'd be hurt by others and it still felt as shitty, the fact that were in reflection now....i wouldn't say were forgetting at all but were both in the same boat so all were trying to do is save each other,' he explained, waving the fork around to orchestrate his reply. 'She goes from throwing coffee over you to falling asleep in your arms-god Taylor, i don't know why you come here and tell me this stuff cause it's sure as hell confusing! No matter how you explain it, your past or whatever is going on now, only you two will able to understand it, and if you don't understand it-then i suggest you start trying to,' I wasn't prepared to stand by and let myself be confused into thinking and assuming the wrong thing about their situation again. They could dress it up however they wanted but there would have to come a point when it all stops-or they come together on it. I had no doubt there was something that fuelled them to communicate with each other, but it was so up and down, i was having to get off this rollercoster before i was sick over the side.
'Okay Ike okay, geez sorry i came to see my older brother,' Taylor huffed, slamming down the take out box on the bar before jumping down off the stool and out the front door. 'Taylor wait!' i called, sighing realizing maybe i sounded a little rude and ignorant to the situation, but i was just greeted with the slam of the door. Well Alba, Taylor you started this game, this mess and now your on a mature level-i have no cheats to help you.
I hauled two boxes and one suitcase of Hyde's essential stuff out to the bottom of the drive with a puff and a pant, the odd sign of unfitness creeping in when i wheezed. Taylor had left this morning, fully fed with a big greasy breakfast and a whole pot of coffee inside of him as my word of thanks for staying last night. I didn't know quite how to approach myself when i thought back on my words from last night, but i knew for however long i would grieve for my lost relationship (which i hope to god isn't as long as those damn councillors on Rikki suggest) i knew i'd need someone to call when i felt a little lonely-and despite the past, Taylor seemed most fitting, after all, he lost out too.
Putting things in perspective, it occurred to me, i was finally acting my age about the situation and it dawned on me that Taylor had started to as well, maybe he wasn't out to create waves as i originally thought-just another example of me judging him too quick? Or was this new found loneliness of mine opened the opportunity to get to know the real Taylor and maybe one day, be able to call him my friend? Whatever, i know the spiteful, stinging comments from both camps would start to decline and be replaced with civil words. He said he'd come over this afternoon to see if i wanted to join him on a drive-maybe then would be as good a time as any to call the past quits? Or would i have to take some more thought to get through this before i can think about that? If he can strive to be civil, and be so kind as to hold me till morning i think i'd have to start digging deep to find that long lost art of 'friendship'. No sarcasm anymore, just me-how frightening.
'Hi,' a deep voice came from behind me, causing me to spin round in surprise. There i saw Hyde standing in the same clothes i threw out to him yesterday before i sent him packing. 'Hi, i packed your clothes and your essentials, i figured you'd want to find a place near work before taking your equipment and stuff,' I started straight away to make this meeting end as soon as possible. He stood there, hands fumbling as he tilted his head, his face drawn and his eyes pleading. 'You don't have to do this, we can talk, work it out,' he pleaded, reaching for my hand, that i tucked away as i folded my arms frigidly. 'No Hyde, my mind's made up-i think it's better this way, i'm not a person who forgets easily, no matter how hard i try,' Sticking too my guns i inched away from him a little, nervy he'd grab me to shake some sense into me. He sighed and rubbed his neck, arching down for the suitcase full of clothes. 'Well i guess there's no talking to you-i'll give you a call when i find somewhere so i can come and get the other stuff,' he knew when he was beat, he didn't bother wasting any more breath at all. 'You do that-and just for the record Hyde, i loved you so much, i wanted you to be the 'one' but now...i want never gets,' I was trying my best not to shed a tear in his view. He just lowered his head and lifted it a little to mouth 'I'm so sorry,' before he trudged back to his car with the suitcase, before coming back for the boxes as i just turned my back and walked up the drive, wrapping my arms around my waist as i let the odd weepy tear fall.
Walking through the door, turning to shut it lingeringly as i saw him look at me from the drivers seat in the car, longing as if he wanted me to run up to him and tell him this wasn't what i wanted. It wasn't but it had to be, i couldn't trust him and i didn't want to in some respects-i needed time to settle and i needed a handrail more than anything. I shut the door softly and glanced at the clock, tracing my finger under my eyes, soaking up the tears. Taylor would be calling by to see if i wanted to join him in a couple of hours-i needed something else to distract myself and knowing nothing would be expected of me this time-i was actually looking forward to seeing the sight of Taylor, for a change.