They said it was his heart. They said it couldn’t take anymore so it just stopped beating. But I knew differently, we all knew differently. There was a diagnosis doctors couldn’t predict that was much more fitting than that of the textbook answer for heart failure. Cardiac arrest is not what Isaac died from, it wasn’t anything to do with external injuries or even Tea in my mind. He’d just gone too far and realized that he’d be forever searching for a love as pure as he wanted and he deserved to have- and even then I think he knew it would never exist in this world, inside of a woman he could love forever and would understand the complexities of his type of requirements enough to return them back to him.
I never did get to ask him the multitude of things milling round in my head, like what did love feel like, and why was his need so great for love and understanding that he’d put himself out on a weak ledge to just catch a drop of it on his tongue. No one liked admitting they are wrong, and to a point Isaac even knew he was wrong, accepting what Tea did to him and lying to himself, falsifying justification just so he wouldn’t have to admit that his version of love couldn’t exist, it couldn’t exist to the point where it could be returned and no average woman could accept the heavy load it would surely have borne on their shoulders.
Zac was falling apart at the seams, there will be no quick fix to his world, no new idol for him to worship and no glue to stick the shards of his now shattered world back together, unless he understands the price everyone else sees Isaac paid for a product that doesn’t exist. If he has his time he’ll see that what Isaac stood for was more than just a brother figure, a strong and independent individual- he was just a simple man of simple means who tried to reach for higher stars, and fell just that little bit short of the shining one right at the top.
As for myself, I didn’t need to tell myself any more about my brother, I already knew it all before he did and as closer as I wish I was to him, nothing can be changed now. All the calls that this was an insane tragedy were ousted by myself and my mother who understood that although he was a victim he was also his own demise. I don’t think one person stops to realize that it’s not always the man who hurts the woman, woman themselves can scold a heart and scar a body without even trying too hard.
He got a little slice of what he wanted and I’ve no doubt he’s holding it tightly up there looking down on us, consoling himself with the fact he didn’t step down from love in anyway. Tea herself is not of our own concern, she’s the states problem now and we’ve got no concern with her-for it was only her hands that finished him off and lead him to the skies.It was his persistent craving for a bigger heart inside that shut his eyes for good.