It was some god-awful hour of the morning, my head was pounding-partly because of the semi-swelling throbbing a little every time I moved in my sleep, and partly because of the sheer frustration of this cage I was contained in. But this was a different cage, its one Zac has imposed upon me unknowingly. I felt compelled to lie, compelled to find a way out of his interrogation, brother or not, friendly concern or not it wasn�t his relationship and he defiantly wasn�t involved- he was just adopting the negotiator role. There wasn�t really that much of a situation, I understood her reasons and yes, I agree with Zac that it�s not right, but I love her, what else can I say other than that? I�d walk on water and part the ocean for her, I�m so predictable and I�m so romantic If I wasn�t me I�d be moaning at the statement I�d just said, begging me to shut up. I knew I wanted to be with her and you always have to take the rough with the smooth, it�s the way life always is for everyone and there is no limit on when the rough should end and the smooth should come back into play. Everything is sent to test us, to determine the weak from the strong. I could have hit back at Tea the other day, but that would have made me weak. I could have left her by now, that would have made me even weaker. But I�m still here, fighting my corner and fighting hers too- I�d like to think I�m still strong instead of being blinded totally and solely by love.

I�d made my way through to the bathroom, the cool tiles underneath my bare feet sent chills up my spine as I rubbed a hand over my face whilst blindly feeling for the corner on the mirror medicine cabinet over the wash basin. Pulling it open I pawed my eyes and set about looking for some headache tablets I knew were in here from Tea�s last bout of PMT migraines. Vitamins, minerals, herb supplements all belonging to Tea cluttered up the tiny shelves as I stood them down on the side of the counter wading through the bottles and packets to find the tablets to stop the thumping in my head. But as I came to the back of the cupboard I found the packet of headache tablets and eagerly pulled out the sheet to help myself to some when I noticed something was different. The packaging was for the headache tablets, but the sheet of tablets were embossed with the words �Vicodin�, which I knew from party circles as being the celebrity �pep up pill�, although it was a strong pain killer. Staring at the small tablets I wondered if I�d ever been prescribed them, and if at any point Tea had. But nether of us had painkillers-we had no need for them, and why would they be put in the headache box? On closer inspection of the printed information on the sheet I noticed the side affects that sent a jolt of fear right through me- I�d love to say it was that intrigued me, but I don�t really know because I still didn�t know what they were doing in our medical cabinet.

I couldn�t sleep after waking to look for the headache pills, I just sat in the kitchen, up at the breakfast bar turning the sheet of Vicodin tablets over and over in my hand, reaching for my strong black coffee for long sips when my body started to ache with thought. The thought had crossed my mind that I should say something about this, but then-if they didn�t belong to her what sort of argument would I be letting myself in for? It had gotten to that point where I just wanted to avoid confrontation, take her in my arms and lay her on that bed of rose petals like that very first time between us. Then again, what if they were Tea�s? What if she was taking them to help her to stay on top of things, stay one step ahead of the game and her outbursts towards me were just side effects of the tablets? It�s yet another example that I�m being restricted to loving her, knowing her inside and out, from a far far distance.

�Isaac?� I heard the front door opening and the dense thud of her travel bag and vanity case being set down on the wooden flooring in the hallway, the rustling of her keys being thrown on the mail table soon followed as I started to pulse with nerves all over. I wasn�t expecting her home for another day and I really didn�t think I could handle anything when I�d not had time to prepare myself for all the possible outcomes. Seconds before she walked into the kitchen, clutching a wad of her mail, fanning through it absent mindedly, I shoved the tablets in my sweatpants pocket- I couldn�t do it, not when the last pointless argument was still fresh in my mind and the bruises were still evident on my face. �Hey baby, did you get my message?� she looked up at me briefly as I stood to walk over to her, not quite sure how to act when I knew there was a question burning in my mind. �Message?� I questioned as she threw the mail down on the table and looked up to me, tossing her petite shoulder bag on the table with the mail. �My god Isaac, they totally screwed me over, I mean who do they think they are? Cutting MY contract just because they can�t deal with the legal shit when I get a movie job-fuck, it was so degrading,� She immediately stalked passed me, waving her hands about as she reached for a cup and the half full coffee pot, well and truly going off on one, leaving me to fill in the blanks as to what she was twitting on about. �But Tea, you were only drumming it into me the other day that modelling was merely a foot hold, it wasn�t your ideal at all-if they have cut your contract surely, in parts-that�s good?� I sat back at the table as I pulled a face at myself, as I prayed to god I�d picked up the right scent to this trail and had answered accordingly. �Yes I said that but, it�s like, they cut a 3 year contract down to six months and expect me to deal with it? They really think I�m just going to take the first movie job I get offered? I told them I�d buy myself out my contract no strings, but they were just so up themselves you wouldn�t believe,� she was now sitting opposite me at the breakfast bar, sipping daintily on an espresso as I ran my hand through my hair as I looked up to see her picking through her mail again before she looked back to me to continue speaking. How could she miss the bruising on my face? Was she not going to question it? �I�m defiantly suing, they can�t just do that to me-it was like a safety net, just in case something ever fell through, now this. I�m so mad, and don�t think I�m going to let it lie-yeah you�ll say it�s a good thing and I agree to an extent but they can�t just stop short so fast, if I�m out of the spotlight for more than a nanno second I�ll lose all hope of moving on with my career,� I looked at her sympathetically as I acted on my ignorance to what she was talking about and finally built up an idea on what had gone on in Orlando. I let my hand fall down from supporting my chin as I listened to her, to cover her delicate hand gripping it lightly as I let my thumb brush over the top of her knuckles gently. I really didn�t know what to say to her, maybe I didn�t want to say anything, or maybe I just didn�t know what to say-I�d never have that problem. I�m either making music for a living or I�m not, it�s that straight forward. I gave her a sweet, reassuring smile as she shyly shifted her eyes away from mine as the moment of tranquillity between us was pleasant, yet short lived as she continued to sift through the mail. Slowly but surely it would come together.

�So I take it you and Zac were play fighting again after the basket ball game?� she raised her eyebrows as I stood at the counter, slicing open a bagel as she sat, organizer out, reading out a list of invites, commenting on each one and occasionally spouting off angry outbursts about her contract. As soon as the words left her lips, I knew that she�d done it again. Not even seen her own hand marks, not even realized that you couldn�t hit someone that hard and think it magically sinks in and becomes invisible. I closed my eyes as I rested the knife down on the counter, letting the pain I was feeling inside at her obvious ignorance settle, for the second time. Turning round to her I looked at her expectant face and ran a hand over the side of my face absent mindedly, feeling the small raised bruise that was starting to fade. �No it wasn�t Zac, I fell when I was over at Taylor�s, hit my head on the table in his den room-I�m fine now though,� Lying didn�t become me, I doubt it ever would but as I shrugged and turned to continue making my snack swallowing round the large lump forming in my throat as I recalled Zac�s words in my head that I didn�t have to put up with this. Why was I even thinking about his words, he had no clue about us at all. Just then I felt arms around my waist, hands closing over my own, pulling the utensils out of my hand as I felt Tea�s body pressed against me lightly. �I missed you while I was away, I wish you were with me yesterday especially,� her words were simple yet calming as I turned around to face her, resting my hands on her hips as I pulled her close to me slowly. �I wish I could have been there too, I�m sorry they did that to you,� I hushed back as she ran a hand through my hair sensually as her eyes darted about my face. It felt good to be touched by her, all be it simply running a hand through my hair, but I was grateful for anything that told me she still loved me. �I need to get a headache tablet, the flights really fatigued me,� she smiled as she let her hand fall down my chest, letting her fingers drag down slowly. As I felt her pull away out of my arms I suddenly brought my hand into the pocket of my sweats, pulling out the sheet of tablets as I watched her just about to exit the kitchen. Looking at the tablets and then up to where she was, I knew that in the calm state we were in, considering her anger at the agency- I�d say something, if not everything I wanted to. �I have the tablets here, I was just about to take one myself,� my voice sounded a little UN even as she poked her head back round the kitchen archway, with raised eyebrows. �Oh,� she replied, her look resembling something like a rabbit caught in headlights. I held out the sheet of tablets to her as she cautiously approached me, taking them out of my hand slowly before turning to the cabinet to retrieve a glass to fill with water. Remembering the feeling just then of her hand running through my hair as I tilted my head back to nestle in the feeling, and looking at her slender form tip toeing up to reach a tumbler from the top shelf, I realized I had to say something-for her, not for me.

�I know what the tablets are Tea,� I felt rooted to the spot as she turned around to look at me, a little shocked and a little disgruntled as I fidgeted with my hands out of nervous habit. �Headache tablets�.yeah,� her reply was almost condescending, as she raised her eyebrows and drew out her comment as she shook her head as if I was mad and pushed a tablet through the silver foil and set it down on the counter as she reached for the water filter jug to fill her glass. �Tea, I know what they are, I�m not stupid-they aren�t headache tablets, there painkillers,� I sighed again as I watched her take the pill in her hand, as she turned to me again. �What�s wrong with that Isaac? You make it sound like they�re acid tabs,� she smirked as she was about to raise the tablet to her lips. �Don�t take it,� I sternly said stepping up to her cautiously. �What the hell�s wrong with you?� her tone changed to annoyance as she slammed her glass down on the counter, causing some of the water to spill onto the marble counter. �Vicodin, the latest celebrity pep pill, if my memory serves me correctly,� The strength to confront her about this was filling into my veins uncontrollably, but at the same time I was scared out of my wits that I was crushing the sweet moment we had just shared. I�d have to crush it, for my own sakes. I knocked the tablet out of her hand and took the tablet sheet off the counter and held it up to her. �The latest in designer drugs Tea, that�s what they are. Why are they hidden in a headache box? Why have they got no prescription sticker on them, who do they belong too?� I was bombarding her with questions and rapid speed, as fast as the questions formed in my mind. I was seething that she would do this to herself, I was seething that I had to do this and jeopardise the even platform we seemed to be on today. But if I didn�t-would it get to the point she�d loose it totally, and not even my heart could pull her back.

She stood there looking at me like I had a huge wart on my face as I looked her straight in the eye, holding the tablets up. �I�m not a junkie, how could you even think that of me? So I have a couple of painkillers, once in a while the stresses and aches get a bit too much, am I not allowed pain relief?� she�d found her tongue and it was whipping at me now with that sharp edge it has when she�s riled. �So these are yours? You know the side effects of these things can severely alter your state of mind Tea, prescription or not these are lethal, you shouldn�t just be taking them for aches and pains, what�s wrong with stuff from the drug store?� I shouted, raising my voice to her as she pushed away from me, but I wouldn�t move. Looking at me with angry eyes her hand snatched the tablets out of my hand, throwing them against the cabinet across the room with abrupt force. �I don�t have to explain it Isaac, you know what the stress is like, and anyway, I don�t have any of the side effects and I�m not addicted to them for Christ�s sake! I have one once in a while, what are you, my mother? What god given right do you have to breath down my neck about a couple of tablets?� she pushed me out the way, strutting over to the table to pick up the tablet sheet from where she�d thrown it before standing back up at me with smouldering eyes. �That hurt,� I replied simply, my tone lowering knowing that in trying to do the right thing, I�d ultimately let it backfire once again. �It was meant to hurt, just like assuming I�m a junkie hurt,� she retaliated fiercely. �I care about you, I don�t want anything to happen to you, I don�t want anything to risk what you have going for you-you don�t need drugs to cope, you have me to help you,� I was desperately searching for an emergency band-aid to put over this, but I wasn�t finding one that would fit at all.

�I have you? Isaac when it comes to the stress of work we have nothing in common other than were in the public eye- we go out, hold hands and smile nicely but in reality I know shit about your career and you know shit about mine, so don�t tell me I have you because there is too much stress for just two people, so forgive me if I take a couple of tablets to help me balance it all out,� she was drawing her sword and preparing for battle as I held my head in my hands, trying to hold in my last ounce of decency towards her right now. �I love you is never going to be enough is it? You don�t mind being seen with me but behind closed doors you push me away, use me as a doormat, walk all over me and expect me to have the magic words to make everything better, know exactly what to say and when to say it-nothing I do is right. We never have sex, we never have time like we used to just to revel in each other-there�s always something much more inviting you�d much rather be doing. I�m sick of being treated like I�m not wanted, like my heart is nothing but a stomping ground for you. I can�t keep my love for you holed up inside for much longer, I refuse to walk away from you because god help me I love you, I just want you to co-operate. Anything I say Tea is for your best interests, and only because I care,�

I gasped for breath as I finished my impromptu speech that just seemed to keep coming as I found more things I wanted to say. But as I started to look up at her I felt a hard object coming into contact with the side of my head, shattering on impact as I ducked and crouched from it�s fall out, a little bit too late. I stayed huddled on the floor, holding the side of my head in pain, my heart racing as I felt dizzy, reaching out with my free hand to hold onto the bottom of one of the bar stools so I didn�t fall in a heap on the ground. Shaking slightly I moved my hand from my head, bringing it down to rest on my knee, palm facing up, my eyes growing wide at the sight of my own blood covered over my fingers in smears as I slowly turned to look up at her looking down at me with a blank expression, nothing at all registering on her face. Looking down around me I saw the fragmented pieces of my coffee mug around me before looking back at my hand and the blood that covered it before I replaced it back to my head to stop the bleeding from continuing to gush out of the cut on my head. My neck felt stiff, probably the sudden shock of ducking out the way had caught it unawares as I slowly stood up, getting my balance as my bare feet crunched over the shattered pieces of ceramics on the floor.

�I�m not a baby Isaac, I know bloody well what I�m doing and I don�t need you or anyone else telling me how to live my life, do my job or how to conduct myself,� she quietly said as I looked at her, scared and frightened of what she�d do next. She slowly turned to walk out of the kitchen, leaving me standing there, bleeding and frightened like never before as I felt my heart starting to suffocate me from inside. The cage had turned to a vice and the tighter the vice, the more tears would fall from my eyes at my distressed love for her.