I’d forced many a smile, shook many a clammy hand and guzzled tacky champagne till I was wetting myself, all in the normal routine of one evening out networking with Tea. Would I mind so much if she came no nearly as many music events as I go to movie and fashion events? At least I’m still with her, and the fact that she’d shown me some affection previously, gave me some energy to haul my tired ass into the shower and get it suited up. There’s one thing I can’t shift though- the look of her face when she saw the bruising on my shoulder. You’d think someone would remember inflicting a few punches on someone, but not Tea. Just like she didn’t think anything of forcefully telling me to leave off her in bed the other week. I’d convinced myself it didn’t matter, nothing that couldn’t heal quickly just so she wouldn’t get herself down-for when she’s down, she hits rock bottom. Maybe it’s a short memory problem; it can’t be anymore than that-Tea is as normal as they come. But like I said before, it’s a stressful time for her and I’m promising to be there, so you have to take the rough with the smooth to get what you really want out of something.

Tea had left for her casting recall around 11 this morning, leaving me in bed with a free schedule until this evening when I had a brothers night out at a local baseball game-foot longs and cheap beer, what a different setting. I’d managed to find my glasses after much searching and sat down to some finance work for Zac, as the boy was hopeless with paperwork and more to the fact, I was a soft touch and would help out anyone just because. I blessed our month break repeatedly as I flipped through my organizer to see this weekend, I’d be living in my suit and I might as well staple my cheeks up, cause the old toothy-pegs will be on constant Colgate patrol. Sighing I threw down my pen and pulled off my glasses running my hand through my hair before I noticed the clock approaching 1 and my stomach giving out it’s lunch time rumble. I’d thrown together a club sandwich with a latte, sitting back at my desk as I pulled the blind to look out at the fantastic high rise view of the city we had, the early drifts of snow from this morning still icing the roofs below and the tops of cars that hadn’t been moved since the fresh fall last night. Taking a sip of my drink as I rested my hand against the window, leaning my forehead against it as my eyes darted round the view, I heard the front door slam, shaking my drink and scaring me a little with it’s ferocity. ‘FUCK!’ I heard Tea yelling from the kitchen as I heard her keys been thrown somewhere along with the thud of her bag on the tiled floor. Downing my drink with a creased brow I rubbed my grubby fingers on my sweats and walked through the arch from my office to the kitchen to see what she was grumbling about now.

’Can you believe it! You just can’t trust anyone in this city, I swear I’ll kill that guy next time I see his sorry ass,’ she started mouthing off as soon as I stepped foot in the kitchen as I watched her fill the water jug, blasting the water from the tap like a power hose. ‘Well thanks for the hell, yes my morning was okay-I’m guessing by the slamming and the swearing, your casting wasn’t as magical as you’d hoped?’ Mumbling the start of my sarcastic sentence, realizing she’d turn on me for being selfish if I didn’t immideantly pick up on the fact she was slightly pissed. ‘Oh Miss. Deacon, were looking for an actress with experience, not one that can stand there and look pretty in a Versace number, Christ- the sniggers that got, you’d think he was Chris Farley or something,’ she mimicked, hand on her hips after she banged the water jug into the centre of the table. Rubbing my hand through my hair as I pulled my glasses off to rub a smudge away off the lens she looked at me sharply as if she was expecting a comment to be inserted in the gap. ‘There will be more than one casting; I mean you didn’t get your first modelling assignment did you? There’s no such thing as first time lucky in the entertainment world, I’ve told you that-you just got to be patient baby,’ My tone was comforting yet firm, it was just pure stupidity that she thought huge multi million dollar movie roles would just fall straight into her lap on her first few attempts. I walked over to her, circling my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder, breathing in her outdoorsy scent, touching, my lips to the soft skin of her neck. ‘Get off me, you can’t just insult me and play kiss and make up there boy,’ throwing my arms off her waist forcefully before pushing my head away from her roughly. I stumbled a little at her un-expectant brush off as she turned to look at me with a maddening expression. ‘So I can strut up and down a catwalk, so I can pose in exotic locations with tanga panties and Lacouix tops, not to mention Ralph Lauren casual gear- all because I can look good means I can’t do anything else? I’m damn good at acting, the modelling was only intended to be a foot hold to get me there and now my foot hold seems to be tainting my real dream!’ she cried, over dramatically as she roughly pulled her curly locks free from the high ponytail she’d scraped it back in, kicking her shoes off against the counter, the delicate heals taking a hard knock against the pine woodwork. I walked over to her cautiously as she tried to calm herself down, and tried in vain to find the right words that wouldn’t say something totally against what I was trying to tell her.

’Maybe this is just telling you that movie wasn’t meant to be for you, I mean romantic comedy -is that what you want? What happened to Angelina Jolie dream? Don’t you think I already know that there’s more to you than catwalks and exotic locations, you think I’d love someone like that, someone who didn’t have worth inside? C’mon Tea, don’t be so hard on yourself-you have plenty more castings scattered over the next few months- even if you get it, treasure it as experience so you’ll know more about the next one,’ I calmed as I reached out to rub her arm a little, pulling her by the elbow towards me, her head hanging, not looking at me before she looked up and shrugged my gentle hand off her. Just before she could say something, like I didn’t understand, it was something I’d never have to deal with; I decided to add a rounded solution. ‘We didn’t get signed first time either, time after time we were turned away and it wasn’t until we’d given up hope, that our saving grace came,’ I hushed as I pushed her loose curls behind her ear and smiled softly. ‘So now your saying I should give up quite working my butt off and then maybe Spielberg will want me for his next blockbuster, when I’m down and out and been made a laughing stock? I’m sorry Isaac, it might have worked for you, but not me,’ she hissed through gritted teeth, here eyes cold and stern as she walked away from me, picking up her bag and storming through into the bedroom, hurling the gift from Christian Dior across the room, knocking over a candlestick on her dressing table. ‘I’m not saying give up I’m saying keep trying, it takes more than one try- you can’t do this every time you don’t get a job! You sure as hell don’t do it when you don’t get a modelling job; you just shrug and go for another- what’s the difference between not getting a movie and not getting a modelling contract? Just tell me so I don’t go and act ignorant again,’ My patience was flagging, one too many attempts at trying to comfort her had blown me over- I should borrow Taylor’s dictionary, for no word I say ever seems right, no matter how I in case it in a phrase or a comparison. ‘A movie is my dream, a modelling job is just my ticket to getting to that movie deal and for fucks sake I have handfuls of tickets and I’m nowhere near the front of the queue,’ she scolded as I watched her pull of her black woollen turtle neck jumper and strut around across the room to her walk in, looking for something of more comfort, or more glamour to make herself feel better. ‘There were people in the queue before you though Tea, I want you to get this I know how much it means to you but you can’t be this way just because one person has blown you down-you have to be stronger than that, look how many knocks we’ve taken but have we stopped striving for more because of what one anal person thinks we shouldn’t ?

’Stop comparing my life to yours, it’s not the same so stop trying to think your words are helping by making comparisons, yes I know you were kicked in the teeth too many times and blah blah blah you here now because your living it up, riding high and in a relationship with someone else who is in the same industry. Yeah, same industry-different section,’ she turned round, hands on her hips, gunning me down in flames, moving my cage in tighter around my heart. I looked at her, totally exasperated, and now I was just left thinking I shouldn’t say anything. But she’d ruffled my feathers and got my back up, and not normally one for retaliation, I decided this time she had to realize that she couldn’t just shoot me down every time I try to do the right thing. Walking over to her I pulled off my glasses and looked her straight in the eye, words forming systematically in my head, ready to leave my mouth. ‘You know, with that type of drama queen attitude, I’m not surprised they didn’t cast you. I sure as hell hope you don’t snap at everyone you come into contact with that is trying to give you positive encouragement, or do you tell them what to say before hand-your words hurt Tea because all I want is to help you and even though you want the help you always have to pooh pooh it before you even let it register!’ I spat, letting it all come out, and automatically regretting it as it echoed back at me in her stoic expression. For a few moments she just looked at me, as I calmed my body’s frustration but I was only to be thrown further into the den of stupidity as I felt her hand across my cheek in one stinging swipe, knocking me sideways into the wall. ‘DON’T YOU EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOU TO COMFORT ME! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND IT’S YOUR DUTY TO PUT A HUGE BAND AID OVER EVERYTHING?’ Her hands were hitting me, the back of my head, across my face, her nails scratching the side of my cheek a little as she pulled my t-shirt to stand me upright. ‘Tea, stop,’ I moaned as she let go of me, staggering back a little in a mass of de-sheveled clothes, her bra straps falling off her shoulder before she forcefully dragged them up her shoulders once again. Holding my throbbing cheek, my eye hurting to blink I looked at her face, showing, once again- no signs of remorse of realization as to what she’d done, once again.

‘Now are you going to help me pack for my weekend trip to Orlando so I can re-sign with the agency, or are you going over to Zac’s to “prepare” for the game?’ she asked in a sweet tone, brushing past me to get into the closet, as I turned a little to watch her pulling her case out from the over head locker compartment before she started sifting through the racks and racks of clothes she could take. It had slipped my mind she was leaving tonight for the weekend to go to her agency headquarters, but as I heard her soft humming floating through to me as she pulled a few things of hangers, bending down gracefully to pack her clothes away, placing layers of tissue paper in between each garment. Looking at her peaceful after such a violent outburst, made my heart swell, as if she was playing Jekall and Hyde again. Swiping the small dot of blood from my cheek where her long cat like nails had broken skin, I approached her from behind, reaching up for her as she struggled to pull down her folded winter coat from one of the top shelf’s. My hand grazed hers and there was that cage again, suffocating me with that forever love I have for Tea Deacon.

’Ike man come on, for the love of the devil were gonna be LATE!’ Zac’s rowdy voice accompanied another series of pounding knocks on the front door. Tea had left over an hour ago for her plane, with a hug and kiss on the lips before swanning out the door-not speaking once about the bruising appearing on the right side of my face and the small scratch trailing down the purple mounds like a river crevice. I lay on the bed in the dark, on top of the quilt, staring up at the ceiling, thinking that the sound of silence was so magically soothing, except for my younger brothers persistent door beating. Rolling off the bed I straightened my t-shirt and sweats and slugged through the dark apartment to the front door, looking through the peep hole to see Taylor resting up against the wall, nose in book and book in hand and Zac, hair all over the place as he raised his fist to the door once more, the volume of which made the pain of my headache double instantly. Opening the door slowly, I pulled it open a little as Zac sighed with relief as she nudged bookworm to the fact I was there. ‘Come on man, were late and you know we got courtside…holy fuck,’ he started before he stopped waving his hands about and actually looked at me. I hadn’t looked at myself in the mirror yet, I didn’t know how bad I looked but by the way Zac was gawking, and now Taylor- I was presuming I was more black and blue than my internal guess had thoughts. ‘I got in a fight with a guy at the party the other night,’ I lied, shrugging as if it was no big deal when really the deal was so big I was scared to even think about it. ‘Don’t lie,’ Zac’s tone was firm as I sighed, there was no point in lying, I couldn’t lie my shoulder away, so why this when it’s so obvious? But it’s not obvious-it’s just a bit of stress, steam being let off-it doesn’t make Tea a bad person, it’s just the way she chooses to vent, she’s always been a very physical person-her bedroom manor being rough and tumble-then tumble some more, so I guess I should be so surprised that now she feels she has a ball of stress cooking inside her, this is how she vents it. ‘You guys go on without me, I’ll catch up with you next week,’ I said confidently, clearing my throat as both my younger brothers looked at me like I had three heads. Taylor had bought my lie and was too busy eyeing my shiner to say anything, but Zac was eying me in the way he did the other day and I knew there was nothing I could do to throw him. He’d made his assumption and weather he thinks it’s just couple stuff or just stress-he knows more than I’d like him, my face tells a picture board story for him, I’m sure. Taylor said his goodbye’s and told me to rest up, typical him. But Zac lingered a little behind, as I tried to hide behind the door. ‘This can’t keep happening, that’s twice now,’ he warned before walking away, looking over his shoulder briefly as I closed the door and held my head in my hands. How can I tell him it’s not what he thinks, how can I tell him that I deserve this for being so stupid, for not understanding her dream as much as I want too? How can I tell him she doesn’t mean it? I know absolutely nothing, and I can’t change how I feel, how he thinks and I can’t take Tea’s stress away-I’m a very useless person indeed.