’Isaac, your yawning is pissing me off,’ Taylor quipped as we sat in his apartment going through new melodies, lyric sheets strewn on the wooden stained floor of his den room. I didn’t sleep last night one jot, Tea didn’t let me in the bedroom, she’d just left my pillows and a blanket out in the hallway silently telling me she didn’t want to be anywhere near me after our stupid argument last night. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to approach her after having salad thrown at me, my shoulder punched to the state where it now had a purplish patch near my elbow. I wanted to crawl into bed and fall asleep with her arms, apologies being whispered and then we’d wake and it’d all be okay. I live in such a dream, don’t I?

Something’s happened lately to make her hear only what she wants to hear when I talk to her, picking up only the parts of my concerned words and making them about sex and the lack of closeness between us when that was only one of the things clogging up our relationships arteries. I wanted her to realize that it was possible to balance everything, a career and a relationship and not have to jeopardise either, I was willing to try at least. ‘What party was it last night Ike? Versace? Ralph Lauren? Or was it just a slumber party?’ Taylor laughed childishly as I rubbed my eyes and set my guitar down on the table in front of me, sighing as I heard Zac telling him to put a sock in it and act his age. ‘I was up working on a song most of the night,’ I lied, not wishing to air my relationship worries in public, even if it was my brothers, I’m the older, dependable brother who supposedly has it all together-they can’t know I’m struggling to make the woman I love believe anything I say. Taylor looked at me with wide eyes as he bought the bait and mumbled a ’Sorry,’ but Zac sat comfortably, chewing on the end of a pencil as he looked at me pensively, a look of disbelief on his face. I just lowered my head and picked up my tab from the floor and stuffed it back in my bag, my shoulder throbbing as I lifted my bag onto my lap as I packed my stuff away, stuffing it into it’s tight confides making it crumple up like my aching insides.

’Must have been one hell of a song,’ Zac announced as he followed me into Taylor’s comfy kitchen as I poured myself a cold glass of water from the fridge. ‘It just got stuck in my head, you know how it goes,’ I smiled falsely as Zac leaned against the doorframe, arms folded across his broad chest, hair mussed and flowing down his back. ‘No, I don’t know how it goes actually,’ It was just typical that I couldn’t hold anything in when I was confronted with my stubborn and persistent younger brother. He was wiser than people tended to give him credit for, he constantly seemed to live his life the way he wanted to and he never once let himself get pushed into a corner-but this bained me, because there was never such a thing as keeping a secret from him. Sighing, I gulped down the cold beverage and placed it on the side as I looked up at him through cautious eyes. ‘Tea and I seem to have hit a little turbulence, nothing major,’ I shrugged, pulling my bag straps over my shoulders carefully and walked towards him positively. He uncrossed his arms and moved out the way a little as we stood face to face in the doorway. ‘You guys never seem to go more than a few months without coming to blows, Isaac she’s draining you man-you can’t keep going to party after party, going for each and every photo op, it’s killing you. Save yourself problems and just tell her you don’t enjoy it,’ Zac’s pleading words made sense, but he was just like Taylor-he couldn’t see Tea’s value, how complete she made me and why I did everything to please her- I fell in love with her and I never give up on my hearts wishes. ‘It’s more than that, you know I won’t let her go, so don’t tell me it’s an option,’ I warned as I started to push past him, aching for some well earned rest whilst Tea was still out at a casting. I brushed past him quickly but I felt his hand on my shoulder, drawing me back to finish the conversation-the pain of his fingers pressing against the bruised flesh, evident on my face. ‘Ike, what’s wrong?’ he asked softly as I shrugged his hand away and turned to look at him, covering my mouth with a yawn. ‘Your assuming again, it’s a bad habit,’ I warned as his crushed hazelnut eyes pleaded for a little reward for caring. He slowly reached out his hand, pushing up my rolled up shirtsleeve to reveal the start of my bruising. As his eyes darted from my arm to me with grave concern, his head resting to the side in such a manor as if he was coaxing me to explain myself. ‘It’s nothing,’ I mumbled and pulled the sleeve down, a little angry and a little nervous as to what he might think. She was angry and I aggravated her, I wasn’t excusing her, but that’s what it was like, your average couple domestic. ‘Isaac, don’t even try and tell me you walked into a wall……..ISAAC!’ Zac started as I couldn’t be bothered to hear his assumptions anymore, I walked towards the door, pulling it open and slamming it behind me as Zac started to pound the trail behind me before the echo of the door banging rudely cut him off. I didn’t need my brother thinking things for me, assuming anything- I could deal with that on my own when I could find the time, but for now I need to get home and get some sleep, for I’d need energy to see Tea no doubt-weather she gets the casting or not.

As soon as I’d come home after childishly walking out on my brothers, I collapsed into our comfy bed, not caring that I was still fully clothed. I had a raging headache, preventing any thought or sense coming from my brain. I knew Tea would be home within a couple of hours from her casting for some supporting role in a new slushy romance comedy. I guess there’s no holding her back, she’s going for her shot, grabbing the bull by the horns-but it scared me that in doing this, the amount of rejections she’d get would ultimatly lead to the blame for those landing on me. Maybe Zac was right, we fight too much, especially lately, but it’s almost as if when she’s a good girl she’s a very very good girl and when she’s a bad girl, she’s very very bad. They always say the people in the situation are the only ones that really understand the complexity and no one outside of it fully grasps the gist of what’s going on- but even I’m struggling to understand why she thinks I’m talking about one thing when I’m talking about something totally different. I’m a hopeless case, lost in the throws of romance-any other man would have kicked her into touch right now, that much I do know.

I felt myself being pulled from a soothing slumber, my eyes opening slightly to see Tea knelt down beside me, smiling sweetly her hand running through my hair gently, startling me a little at her gestures and the fact she was smiling and touching me so sweetly. ‘Hey,’ she breathed as she let her hand graze down the side of my cheek before returning to rest in her lap as I pushed to sit up a little, wondering if I was sill in the throng of slumber, waiting for the pinch that would wake me up properly. ‘Well hey,’ I replied, a small smile finding it’s way onto my lips as she got up to sit on the edge of the bed next to me, her pristine white trousers hitching up a little, her white collage shirt fitting every curve perfectly, she looked so inviting I wanted to reach out and touch her-but then I felt a twinge in my shoulder that told me I was to remember that I was on wafer thin ice. ‘How did your casting go?’ I remembered, as I watched her play with the edge of the sheets, her thigh rubbing against mine in a most inviting manor. ‘I got a call back, thank god for agents!’ she chuckled, looking me in the eye with fleks of mischief radiating out as I found myself smiling back, shaking my head at her giddy attitude. No sign of an apology for last night then? I should know by now not to expect one. Just then she crawled up beside me, her hand teasing the curly hair at the base of my neck as she leaned in closer too me, as I hesitantly put my hand on her hip to hold her steady. ‘Don’t get a well done kiss from my boyfriend?’ she pouted as she straddled my legs playfully, her other hand clasping round the back of my neck as she hitched herself up higher, our lips almost touching as I watch her close her eyes lightly as she pressed her lips delicately to mine, catching my bottom lip sucking it sweetly as I started to respond to her advances, letting my lips work against hers, letting my hand travel up her side as she let one of her hands slip under the coller of my creased shirt, rubbing my neck expertly as I slipped my tounge into the equasion gradually, thanking the lord for such a welcome release at this rough relationship time.

She was laying in my arms, as I sat up against the headboard, stroking her hair, watching her flip through the short script paper she had for the 2nd casting tomorrow. ‘We’re going out later aren’t we?’ she asked, flipping the paper over to read the messy print on the back. I looked over the clock and noted the time fast approaching 8pm, and I felt a tug inside me. It was sweet just feeling her lips against mine again for the first time in over a week, holding her lightly like I used to when we were first getting aquainted with each other and now I have to move and morph into arm candy, once again. Zac was partly right, I don’t enjoy it anymore, it’s not about being seen together and enjoying each others company when were out-it’s all about the media and Tea, loves to play the media. I’ve never been one to shout from the rooftops nor have I ever really encouraged extra attention to me, I found more rumours and problems mounted that way. But I guess I’ve learnt to go against what I want, all because of this woman, laying in my arms like a little girl. ‘If you want too, I can get ready,’ I smiled down at her, as she beamed back in thanks, returning to her script intently. My smile soon faded- I guess I get my lovin’ in small doses now, the doctor downsized my prescription. ‘On second thoughts baby, maybe you should get the shower first, I have to pick out something to wear, I mean it’s only a models party, but you never know,’ she announced, downing her scrip and turning to sit up, looking at me closely. I nodded and started to pull the sheets off me when I felt her pulling me back by my shoulders. ‘Shit,’ I hissed in pain as I felt her strong grip pulling my back, denting my bruised shoulder more. ‘I was gonna help you get undressed,’ she winked as I blinked away the pain now shooting down my arm, I’m praying that the bruising won’t take long to heal. I just sat there as her nimble fingers undid the buttons on my shirt, pulling it over my shoulders as her fingers trailed down my skin as she threw it on the floor with a giggle.

‘Isaac, what’s that?’ she questioned, turning my left shoulder a little, her expression looking worried and concerned as she ran a finger over the blue and purple bruising adorning the top of my shoulder and now the top of my arm. I looked back at her anxious face as I lightly pulled her hand away from my shoulder as I looked away from her sad that despite the fact she’d lashed out at me in the way that she did and she didn’t seem to realize that it was her hand that hand inflicted my bruises. ‘You did it,’ I whispered, nervous at how she’d react, weather she’d shout and me and tell me to stop being so stupid¸ or maybe she’s slap me for accusing her of such a thing. I heard her gasp a little as I lifted my head to look at her stunned expression, her hand reaching out again to touch the tender and sore skin. ‘I didn’t even realize,’ she stammered as I pulled my shirt back over me to cover up the damage as I got up from the bed, grabbing some fresh underwear from my drawer before turning to her, still trying to get to grips with what she’d done. ‘I know you didn’t mean it, it’s forgotten so please baby, don’t worry about it,’ I smiled at her meekly, letting her know it was okay that she wasn’t to beat herself up over it…even though I knew It’s still very much at the forefront of my mind, as I wonder if she still loves me in the same way anymore. She didn’t even know what she’d done, did she even remember the argument and what it was about? Obviously not, as I still reccived no apology, but then I can’t complain, she’d come to me and made me feel wanted and that’s quenched my heart so that my love is still there for her, I know it’s still all worth it. I lay the blame at stresses door, this new career move and the life we lead…I can understand her pressures. I’m a man, I can take a few swipes anyway.