The week seemed to pass quickly (as it always does in LA) as Monday soon became Friday and there was yet another stack of invitations on my desk for me to sift through and mark in my diary, casually left in my line of sight by Tea. Taylor never did understand what I saw in her, and perhaps I could see his point. Here’s an old romantic, who’d play Sinatra to set the mood and then there’s Tea- Little Miss Modern with no regard for the decades previous. But he didn’t see much more than that, after all, I could very well ask him the same question about his girlfriend, the principal violinist for the NY symphony orchestra.

I sat at my desk signing paper after paper and running through fax after fax that had come through from managers, producers and Zac- begging for an extra ticket to the Lakers this coming Friday. I feel my ripe old age of 24 when I’m looking over paperwork and actually understanding it, whilst beefing my schedule up to maximum capacity. Having made one phone call too many, I went into the living room in search of Tea, who was looking through her resume and hot off the press contact shots for her new ‘movie’ portfolio. ‘Hey you,’ I smiled as she tapped her trendy black rimmed glasses up her nose a little and circled one photo ferociously with a black marker pen. ‘Hi, order me a chicken salad from Reno’s, thanks,’ she mumbled, shifting onto the next contact page. I sat next to her on the comfy cream sofa I’d had made for our anniversary last year by a local designer that knew the meaning of the word ‘comfort’. ‘Ooohhh so you want to eat in tonight?’ I chuckled lightly as I rubbed her thigh gently, her knee length black skirt hitching up a little as she pulled off her glasses and turned to look at me. ‘Yes Isaac, I’m being daring and eating in, just order it will you?’ she sharply replied as I stopped swirling my fingers round on her thigh and looked back at her. She looked drawn but most of all her expression was cold and unwelcoming as I rested my head against the back of the sofa. ‘Fine okay, but I’m not your slave,’ I whined, pushing myself off the sofa and waltzing through into the kitchen to fetch the phone as I unbuttoned the top of my blue shirt and rested up against the counter. Just as I found the right speed dial number for Reno’s I heard her shouting through at me in delayed response. ‘My slave no, my boyfriend-yes, but then nowadays they are one in the same thing babe,’ her childish snigger made me feel uneasy. When she made fun of me I instantly felt like I was 2 again, like I had no tongue in my head to combat her-but after what could be considered an average week, the allowance of kissing and cuddling made me think that the fracas of last week when she pinned me to the bed in anger was just a PMS incident. Although now, the attitude was re-forming and this time it niggled me deep inside. I guess I should know better than to sweep it under the carpet. Last time I did, I almost lost her.

’Look Tea, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, maybe it’s just the aftermath of not getting that CK job or maybe it’s just me, but these past couple of weeks you’ve snipped at me a lot and I can’t help but think there’s something that your not telling me,’ I wouldn’t call it a streak of confidence that made e walk right back in there and sit down and confront her-more like my heart giving me grief. ‘Yes Isaac, I never tell you anything-I’m just very busy at the moment, come on cut me some slack, I don’t moan when your busy doing what makes you happy, never once have I complained,’ she threw the marker pen down on the table with force and ran her hands through her loose hair as I just wondered how every question I asked her, got turned back on me. ‘I know that, but that’s not what I’m saying-I’m busy too, hell I’ve just spent 16 hours in a studio today but I still come home and want to love you and spend the evening with you, you just constantly want to push me away, and I don’t know why’ I pleaded as I stood the phone on the coffee table and fell back into the sofa, rubbing my forehead, as I wondered what sort of argument I’d let myself in for. ‘I’m not pushing you away Isaac, I love you too but right now your not the only thing on my mind and in my life,’ she sighed pulling her glasses off to wipe the lenses on a small piece of yellow cloth sitting in the sleek black case next to her espresso cup on the glass topped table. ‘If your not pushing me away what are you doing then?’ I retaliated as she huffed and stropped about the room, lifting up books and moving stuff off her mini ‘desk’ looking for some unknown object. ‘Give me one good example of me pushing you away? Come on Isaac, I’d like to hear this- I’m just waiting for the moment when you tell me it’s all down to your lack off libido! Is this all childish pouting just because your penis is degrading in millimetres because I’m acting frigid? I can’t afford to let this slip away from me, I only have on crack-if it fucks up, I loose it all,’ she yelled, flapping her arms about, papers in one hand, a heavy green book in the other which she was gripping with intent force. My wish of avoiding confrontation with her, knowing full well she is a defensive person who likes to root out the base of all things problematic, had gone down the drain in the first few seconds of me opening my big mouth.

’It’s nothing to do with that Tea, and stop over dramatizing the situation, if Tom Cruise only had one shot at the big time, we’d never have known him-people are allowed a second chance, you have a successful career to back you up so stop making this attitude about the work when it’s obviously more than that,’ I reasoned as I heard the intercom phone’s piercing ring cut through the heavy tension as I started to make my way into the kitchen to answer it, still listening to her prima Donna stropping, hands on hips, gasping sighs as she mounted her reply and prepared to follow me into the kitchen shaking her finger at me. ’I’m going to get your food, I’ll be back,’ I sighed, pulling on my shoes and grabbing a coat I looked at her before exiting, rolling her eyes standing there in her black trousers and black tank top-hair by Toni and Guy, clothes by Calvin Klein (rolls own eyes) turning on her heal leaving me to pick up the pieces of another disastrous argument in my heart shaped boxes small confides.

Coming back, the fresh air had cleared my head a little and I was hoping the time alone with her new portfolio might have eased Tea up a little, given her a little freedom to move in the straight jacket confines of her new foundations in yet another fickle industry that supposedly in cases her dreams. ‘Tea? Baby I got your food and a little something else,’ placing the container of specialist chicken salad (that was almost as expensive as a chicken farm) and a cake box containing her favourite low cal chocolate dessert. She walked through, saying nothing as I pulled of my jacket leaving her to prod through the boxes on the table. ‘You think this makes it all okay? You think this is adequate apology? Isaac just because I’m in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean I can’t find a little independence within that-that’s all I’m doing and yet you think it’s more than that, reading into something you know nothing about and buying cake to keep me sweet to give you what your hormones need, sorry but no tutts,’ she scolded as I looked at her bizarrely. I’d said nothing, bought her something extra just because I felt like it and she says I’m reading too much into things? At least I don’t question cake. ‘I bought it because I bought it Tea,’ I huffed, truding back into my small office space to shut the door out and lick my own self-inflicted wounds. Was love supposed to hurt like this? ‘Fuck Isaac come back and finish this off, admit this is your insecurities; you have to be in the thick of everything otherwise you pick at it! Is it not enough for me to say I love you and then you just work off that until such time as everything calms down to the point where we can get away and enjoy each other?’ she stormed through the door, blocking me from shutting it as I gave up and went to sit at my desk as she stood there, picking at the bowl of chicken and more varieties of lettuce than you could shake a stick at. ‘Fine it’s about my insecurities Tea, just forget I said anything, when your ready I’m still here,’ I mumbled, picking up a spiral book with stick notes all over the front of things to do before I next saw my brothers. Filing it open at a page I grabbed a pen and started about my work as she just stared at me stupidly, picking at her food like a rabbit. ‘Your still thinking about it though, the novelty of sex every night has worn off every night Isaac, we’re a serious couple here, there’s more responsibility on our shoulders and a bigger tie than the over sexed and under appreciative people we probably were when we first met,’ I’m not thinking about any novelty, all I’m thinking about is what the hell is going on inside her head, and why she’s under the stigma that I ask once bout our lack of sex life that the subject I’m edging at this time about her attitude is automatically about the same thing, it’s about sex, love and all that falls in between at this point. ‘Speak for yourself, you might consider yourself over sexed and under appreciative at that point but I knew what I was doing-nothings’ changed Tea in almost 3 years, I still love you as much and want to show it in stupid ways like flowers and planes with banners trailing behind them. I can wait for you, I mean it I can if this is what makes you happy I’m not stopping you I just want you to remember that I’m here and to say I love you every now and then, letting me show you a little affection to let you know that your not alone is all I ask for. But then again if this is your way of moving forward, and that things are on hold for now, I’d like to know that too,’ I informed as she contemplated making a sensitive answer.

‘Speak for myself? SPEAK FOR MY FUCKING SELF!? UGH!’ she yelled after a few stoic seconds walking away from me a little as I looked back to my work and then to her in surprise at her raised tone. ‘FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!’ she cried her face going red as a few tears escaped her dark eyes as the bowl of chicken salad hit me at full hurtling force, crashing into my shoulder as she threw it in anger at me not looking at all sorry it had hit me. ‘Tea, calm down,’ I replied calmly as she stormed over to me pushing my shoulders, knocking me off the side of my chair with force. ‘IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!’ she continued, hitting me over and over with sloppy hands as I huddled away from her until she shoved me one last time before I let myself up to look at her, the remains of her salad scattered all over the carpet and all over me as I watched her storming out of the room, slamming the door upon exit as I clutched my red and throbbing shoulder, rubbing it protectively. What had just happened? It seemed like she thought I was getting on her about one thing and she was blocking out my actual point. But the throbbing of my shoulder soon faded as I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the debris before I even tried to entertain the idea of going to see if she was okay for it seemed it’d only break out into another argument about all the wrong things.

If all she wants is support, I’d have to be more vocal about it and make her happy like that-maybe that’s the only key right now to opening my heart shaped box.