I swore on my honour I‘d never strike a woman, and I’d broken that. I swore I’d never defect from my morals and my ethics and show my weakness as a man, and now I was breaking that too. My wounded heart and my foolish soul finally collapsed, shattering into shreds of anguish and stained pain, digging into my body and pouring out of my skin as a stench of strength as it rose through out my body for one last time.

I pushed with all my force against her, watching her fall backwards, painfully landing on her side as I looked down at her, ready to burn in hell for that one action.

’I can’t take it I CAN’T TAKE IT!’ I shouted, the mounting fear welling up in the expression on my face as she god back up soon swiping me across the face as that old familiar blood rush to the forming welt soon pulsed through my body. I felt her hands come at me again and again, the fresh pain adding with the old pain from past wounds amounting it all to dizzying heights. It was one last time that I knew shouldn’t have unfolded and wouldn’t if I hadn’t laid my cards out, worn my heart on my sleeve and resurrected a subject I knew would never change, would never alter and would do me no favours in the long run.

’THIS IS FOR YOUR LOVE, FOR YOUR NAGGING FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING! THIS IS WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO THIS IS WHAT OUR LOVE IS! IT’S NOT SO PRETTY AND APPEALING NOW! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN!?’ she was screaming as I lunged for her hands, grabbing them as she tried once more to attack my chest and face. She was crying hysterically, my tears and sobs only being kept more concealed by the blood running down my nose and the crippling pain I was feeling in my chest, the tightening around my heart made it difficult to breath as I tries to fight back, tried to shut my eyes and wish it all away. He hands soon clawed their way out of my grasp as she pulled me away from the wall as I felt my heavy legs weigh me down, my light head causing me to fall to the floor, banging my head against the wooden floorboards causing spasming shots to go down my spine as I covered my head in my hands, my tears and heavy breathing finally too much for me. My worst fear now was a repeat of the terror I felt before, but I soon felt her hands lashing at my back, the softness of my coat not much padding for her muscling throws.

’THIS IS FOR NOT LETTING ME BREATHE, THIS IS FOR NOT LETTING ME STAND ALONE, THIS IS FOR ALL THAT ROMANCE THAT I NEVER WANTED!’ it was becoming too much in my head, mixed with her frightening screams, her punches and hits not slowing as she let it all spill out in one final round- I was starting to pray for someone to ring the bell, I had nothing left inside, no voice to shout out, no strength to stop her, and no heart to keep me going for a second longer. I was going to take what I was given and then I’d have to learn to sever my love.

I was panicking hysterically as I banged on the elevator doors praying they would speed up and get me too Isaac’s floor quickly, my whole body racked with concern as to his whereabouts. There was no message left, no means of contacting him to find his location and when mom had returned from shopping to find his guitar discarded and a book on the coffee table, open at the lord’s prayer she called me instantly to see if I knew where he’d gone. The fact that he’d not really spoken much after his initial conversation with mom about what had unfolded between he and Tea, to what dizzy heights their relationship had spiralled up too, we both knew where he’d gone. Deciding to take the reigns I sped down here not caring how many tickets I’d get from the speed camera’s screeching into a space before racing up to their floor as soon as I could. When I made it outside the door I could already hear screams coming from inside, screams that descended down into cries, but I couldn’t hear anything but Tea. I fiddled with the spare set of keys pushing it into the lock and kicking the door open as I ran into the hallway, listening for where I would find the battlefield this time.

’GET UP! GET UP!’ I heard her yelling followed by a series of thuds and a sharp pained yelp as my temperature rose and my blood started to boil as I sprinted into the living room almost to fall down faint in the doorway, my eyes scared instantly from the sight.

Isaac was huddled on the floor, holding his head, his legs drawn up to his chest whilst Tea sat over him, hitting him and shouting, shrilling nothing words at him and he was just hunched there, doing nothing, letting this happen. I was unsure of how to approach, what I should do, weather I should call for help but as I watched her hand fall once more to his back I knew I couldn’t beat around the bush.

’GET UP FOR GOD’S SAKE!’ she screamed hoarsely, her back slumping showing signs of tiredness creeping into her muscles. But Isaac didn’t move, nor did he let out a sound in response to her second cry for him to get up. I watched her get off him, watching as she paced around, rubbing her tear stained face in her hands before she turned to see me, striking the fear of god in both me and her.

’What are you doing here?’ she hissed walking over to me, making this seem as though nothing in this picture was out of the ordinary. I didn’t ask her I just tried to push past her to see to my brother, who was still laying motionless on the floor.

’LEAVE HIM ALONE! GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!’ she hollered as she came up behind me, grabbing my arm but she was only greeted with the floor when I pushed her away with ease. I knelt down by my brother’s side reaching for his hand to try and pull it away from his face and was alarmed at when it fell away limply. His face was bruised and bloody and his eyes were tightly shut, his lips pursed closed as I tried to tender to him, wiping my hand under my eyes as I tried not to show visible upset to what I was witnessing before me. I was willing for him to just be trying to protect himself still but when I pressed my hand against his neck his skin was freezing cold and there was nothing but a faint whisper of what I’m sure was formally a full throbbing pulse. Looking over fleetingly at Tea, shaking violently clutching onto the door frame I rolled Isaac over onto his back, pushing away the sides of his coat to find his heart beat, the site of finger marks at his neck causing my tears and sobs to finally tumble down. I frantically tried to open his eyes, tapping his cheek lightly hoping he would wake up, shaking his shoulders a little only to see his lifeless arms remain still, his chest laying flat with no rise and fall whatsoever. This wasn’t right, he was the strongest, he was never weak, he never gave up at anything , he never walked away from anything and he never ever would leave without saying goodbye.

’You can’t do this,’ I cried as I reached down for his hand, gripping it tightly to my body as I tried to find a pulse again, hoping maybe he’d shaken himself round but this time there was nothing.

He’d finally given up and stopped loving, something that he lived for so dearly ended up costing him everything.

’LOOK AT HIM! YOU COULDN’T STOP TILL YOU’D GONE TOO FAR COULD YOU?’ I screeched as I turned to look at Tia who was about fit to collapse, her mouth mumbling constantly, her sniffs and sobs filling the room like an over played soundtrack. I looked back down at Isaac, his long eyelashes tickling the top of his cheek, his long neck covered in marks from top to bottom. His lip was still split badly in the middle, his forehead splattered with the blood from his nose, which was totally unaligned, making his face imperfect in everyway. His peachy flesh was now a distinct shade of pale pink and white, his eyes black and blue as they slept. I looked down at his hand I was so tightly holding onto, running the other through that unruly birds nest he liked to call baby boy curls as I looked at his scraped knuckles and the scar on his hand from where he’d cut himself with glass in the backyard when I was only 4 years old. I held his hand close to me as I chocked back my sobs wondering how it came to this, why he’d never been able to cut himself away and how that woman, sitting in the corner could quite easily beat him for loving. Looking over at her pathetic frame I felt myself buckling, falling against him as I let myself cry enough for both our pains, not wanting to stop not wanting to breath until I knew that he was back.

Everything I looked up to and aspired to be was now laying beneath me, shattered and broken in everyway. His need for love so great that he’d blind himself to anything just to let himself feel it inside his heart. But now his heart had stopped beating and I wanted to know if he’d taken what love he still had with him, refusing to see the hardship he had to go through to obtain it, or if he had just taken the love for himself and the love of his family and finally managed to distance himself. Maybe this was the only way he’d ever step away from her, for perhaps he knew he could never walk away or ever tell her in his own words. I felt crushed and empty, hollow and of no use as I stained my skin from exposing my heart. There was not one thing in this word I wanted more than to look up to him and find my way through life with his help, his hand firmly on my back pushing me through the crowds, and now the misty rain clouds have obscured the pinnacle of the tower that is my life, and I doubt they would ever move for me to view it in it’s splendour, once again.