Pacey kicked the sand, watching it spray in front of him as he walked along the beach that morning. His hands were buried deep in his pockets and his head still pounded from the hangover. Walking the entire way from Joey's, he thought he'd have time to think. Instead, the events of last night and that morning kept replaying in his mind on a continuous reel.

Finding Jen kissing Henry...her confession that she hadn't been in love with him...groping Joey on the dock...her whispered confession of love as he slid inside her...waking up to hear Jen confess that Henry was a mistake...and the fear in Joey's eyes...

It all replayed in his mind over and over again. Too much too soon. It was overwhelming. And as he neared the beach house, he felt numb to it all, his emotions on pause.

"This is just great," Pacey muttered when he spotted Jen sitting on the front steps of the beach house. The cool breeze ruffled her blond hair and he was struck with how beautiful she looked in the morning light. In his mind's eye he could already picture what she looked like, cheeks flushed, red from the cold and eyes wide, filled with apologies. He pushed those thoughts away and tightened his hands into fists in his pocket as he approached her.

She stood up as he approached, "Pacey." Her eyes were wide and apologetic, just as he knew they would be.

He stopped a few feet away from her. "Jen."

"This whole thing...it was a mistake." She said, a lump growing in her throat now that she was facing him. "I-I screwed up so badly, Pacey. Henry was a mistake. A horrible mistake."

He remained stoic climbing up the steps to the porch. "Do you think we can do this some other time, Jen?"

"I just...I think I want you back, Pacey. I want a second chance."

He froze at the door, his shoulders stiffening. He swallowed the urge to turn to her. "Not right now, Jen."

"Please, Pacey...you have to believe me. I know that I love you. Henry...he was just so persistent, and he was comfortable and I knew what to expect from him--"

"And you didn't with me," he finished for her. "Because I'm Pacey. I'm unreliable. I'm stupid and I'm only good for one thing." He pushed the door open. "Just go home, Jen."

"No, Pacey...that's not true." She shook her head tearfully, "You've been so good to me, and I just didn't know what I had until I lost it."

He pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, the headache he had coming back in full force. "Lindley, please, just leave."

She hung her head, knowing she had pushed him to the limit. "This can't be it, Pacey. We can't be over like this."

He grimaced. "I just--I can't do this right, now, Jen. I can't."

She paused, "Where were you this morning, Pacey?" She changed tactics, noticing for the first time he was in same clothes he'd worn to the party.

He cleared his throat. "I--I was out."

"You were gone all night?" She frowned, running her eyes over his rumpled form. "You don't even have a coat."

"I don't see why it's any concern of yours."

"I care about you, Pacey." She said simply, stepping closer to him.

"Right now, that's not really saying much."

She hung her head at his rebuke. "Then I suppose saying I love you wont be saying much either."

He shook his head against her words, his voice choked. "Don't."

There was a strained silence as she looked at him, his hair mussed by the wind, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. "The words may not mean anything to you, Pacey. But they mean the world to me." She paused, "I love you."

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to steel himself against her; "You don't mean that."

"I mean it, Pacey." She said with emphasis. This was her last chance, she knew with every cell in her body that if she didn't convince him of her feelings, he would be out of her life forever. She couldn't let that happen, not when she still had strong feelings for him...not when she wasn't sure if she truly loved Henry or the man standing in front of her.

He held the door tightly in his hand, his knuckles white. "Jen," he whispered hoarsely. "Please..."

She swiftly stepped forward, cupping the back of his neck with her hand, she pulled his face down to hers. She kissed him with everything she had, hoping to show him how badly she wanted him. If this didn't convince him...she was stuck with Henry and the horrible feeling of wondering 'what if?'

His groan was lost in her mouth as the rest of his resolve left him and he gave in. Wrapping an arm around her waist he pulled her to him, his hand tangling in her soft curls as he held her to him.

She pressed him back against the door, skillfully sliding her tongue between his teeth to caress the roof of his mouth. Her arms tightened around him as she deepened the kiss. He stumbled back, his mouth tasting the lips he loved to kiss. She was soft against him, reminding him of everything he loved about her. She was intoxicating.

"How can I make this up to you?" She asked between heated kisses, slamming the door behind them. She pushed him back against the couch before he had a chance to react. He fell against the cushions pulling her with him.

She settled a top him, kissing him languidly. Slowly she dragged her hand down the muscles of his chest to cup him through his jeans. He groaned gazing up at her helplessly, his blue eyes darkened by a mixture of pain and lust and love. He squeezed his eyes shut to the sight of her above him, tears stinging the back of his lids.

Jen kissed the line of his jaw, her lips grazing over the warm skin of his neck as she massaged him. She moved her hand up to the clasp of his jeans. "Let me make it up to you," she whispered, her tongue tracing the curve of his ear.

"Jen," he murmured brokenly, one hand moving up to stroke the silken strands of her hair, tears leaking out the corners of his eyes.

"Hmmm," she murmured, reaching her tongue out to taste his skin as she pulled his zipper down. She brushed her fingers over him teasingly through his boxers before slipping her hand underneath to lay her palm flat against his rigid length.

His body betrayed him reacting to her touch, a harsh groan escaping his lips. His fingers tightened in her hair. His eyes shined with tears, loving, hating and wanting her all at the same time.


Joey gripped the worn leather of Pacey's wallet in her hands, turning it over and over again with her fingers as she tried to think what she'd say to him. Taking a steadying breath she opened the back door with resolve, having stopped knocking on his door weeks ago. She'd just drop of the wallet and tell him she'd see him in school. No big deal. Closing the door quietly behind, she moved from the kitchen to the living room.

A low moan broke through her reverie and her eyes jerked up from the ground to the source of the sound. Pacey's wallet fell from her hands to the floor with a dull thud as she stared at Pacey and Jen, her mouth dropping slightly open in shock.

Jen heard the sound and blushed a fiery red upon seeing Joey. Immediately, she moved over Pacey, blocking Joey's view of him. "What are you doing here?"

Joey stared at them, the hurt burning tears in the back of her eyes. "I--I came to..." She bent down to pick up the fallen wallet. "To return this." She sniffed, "Pacey...Pacey left it in my room last night." Her words were directed at Jen, incapable of looking at Pacey for fear that she'd break down in front of them both. "I-" she tried swallow back the wave of tears trying to overcome her. Her pain was no match for her will and she turned away as the first tear fell from her lashes. "I need to go," she said tearfully, running for the door and her sanctuary outside.

Pacey cursed softly, sitting up as Jen moved off him unable to meet her eyes. "Where are you going?" She asked, accusation in her eyes as he zipped and buttoned his pants. "Don't you think we should talk about why your wallet was in her room?"

"Why?" he snapped frustrated, growing angry at her and himself.

"Why? Because she just ran out of here like her heart was breaking!" She countered angrily. "I'd kinda like an explanation."

"Well, you don't get one," he growled.

"I think I deserve one, Pacey. Cause I can guarentee that you wouldn't like what I'm thinking right now." She narrowed her eyes at him.

He turned and stared her down. "You don't have a right to think anything, Jen. Don't forget you're the one that cheated on me."

Her mouth hardened, "But I never slept with him! That's what happened isn't it, Pacey? That's why you're in the same clothes, that's why she freaked out when she saw us together, that's why your fucking wallet was in her room. God, were you so weak that you couldn't even spend the night alone?!" The words just s pewed from her mouth without thought.

He turned away from her, ignoring her accusations, the look that had been on Joey's face first and foremost on his mind. He headed for the door, going after her. He wasn't even sure how he was going to explain this, if she'd even listen to him.

After a few minutes of running, Joey slowed, her tears choking the breath from her. She wiped at her eyes with the cuff of her jacket, keeping up her quick pace. It didn't seem like she could ever get far enough from what she'd seen.

Joey heard his voice calling for her from the distance and she felt her insides freeze up for a moment. Wiping at her cheeks, she continued walking, ignoring him.

"Potter." He jogged up beside her, and she didn't acknowledge him. "Joey?" Now that he'd caught up with her, he wasn't sure what to say.

Joey was quiet for a few moments, acutely aware of how close he stood and wondered how long he'd continue walking by her side. She sniffed feebly, trying not to bring attention to her tears. Finally, she spoke forcing herself to keep her voice steady. "I suppose I don't need to wait for a phone call to hear how things with Jen went."

"That wasn't what it..." he trailed off at a loss for what to say.

"Looked like?" She finished for him, her voice hollow. "It seemed pretty self-explanatory. Not that you owe me an explanation, she's your girlfriend."

"She's not..." He sighed and rubbed at his eyes, bloodshot and tired. The headache from earlier was back, intent on crushing his skull and he almost welcomed it. "My girlfriend," he finished. "At least not anymore."

Joey sniffed, "So she's been demoted to someone you fool around with?" She asked despondently, not pausing to wait his response, "I just thought...this morning, when you touched my cheek...I thought maybe you were going to..." She couldn't bring herself to finish the thought, tears welling in her eyes.

He stared at her helplessly completely out of words. He didn't know how to make this better and he didn't think he could.

"It's not like I expected you to...feel that way," she swiped at the corner of her eye as a tear threatened to fall. "I know you love Jen. But I guess I was holding out hope that maybe there was a small part of your heart that could have been mine. And that maybe it was more than a drunken one night stand."

If there was a God, he wished he'd just strike him down already and get it over with, instead of having to go through this cruel palindrome between Joey and Jen. "Jo," his voice was thick with emotion. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I would never use you like that."

She stopped walking, and turned to face him, her eyes red. "I know that, Pacey. You were drunk...you weren't thinking clearly. I should be the one who's sorry...this whole thing is my fault." Another tear fell down her cheek, she didn't bother to wipe it away. "I just thought I could help...make you understand that you're loved and, God," more tears fell unheeded, "I just screwed everything up. Not only did I end up hurting myself, but you too."

He shoved his hands into his pockets exhaling sharply. "I just--I can't do this right now, Joey. I don't know what to tell you anymore."

"I don't know what I need to hear," she said softly.

He frowned and kicked at the dirt underneath his shoes.

"Go back to Jen, Pacey." He opened his mouth and then closed it not saying anything. "She's going to wonder where you are."

He only shrugged, not really caring about Jen just then.

She sniffled with a faint smile, "You know what really sucks about all this? The one person I want to go to for comfort...I can't."

He looked at her sadly, a bitter smile coming across his lips. "Yeah, sucks big time."

She nodded, her eyes tearing again. "Bye, Pace," with that, she started walking home again, leaving Pacey to stand alone on the street.