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Fox Robots destroy Canadian city

Sheriff John Beeber (center) surveys damage to Plainview, Ontario

Plainview, Ontario -- The small farming community of Plainview, Ontario
was nearly completely destroyed by rampaging robots on Friday. The
robots, created by the Fox Broadcasting Network for promotion of its
televised National Hockey League games, apparently malfunctioned and
terrorized the town leaving 75 people dead, 154 injured and millions of
dollars in property damage.

The robots were stored in the city of Thiry, located about 11 miles south of
Plainview, when a electrical storm caused a massive power surge through
the circuitry of the robots. "We thought we had taken precautions against
this happening" said Orville Stevens, head technician of the Fox robots
facility, "We had just bought 30 new surge protectors at Radio Shack and
had installed them a few days before this all happened." Stevens believes
the power surge damaged the motherboards of the robots, causing
technicians to be unable to control them. After the initial power surge, the
robots ransacked the robot facility and crashed through the electrified
fences surrounding the compound.

Compounding the dangers of the runaway robots, was the fact that the
robots were designed with several dangerous features. Some have built-in
laser guns, some have the power to hypnotize, some can transform
themselves into steamrollers or giant vacuum's. When asked why the
robots were designed with such dangerous features, Fox Network
spokesperson, Jeff Klahn, replied "We thought the kids would really like
them, kinda capitalize on the whole "Transformer" craze. If we had known
something like this was going to happen, obviously we would have done
something different."

Once the robots werefree of the compound, they moved on the city of Plainview and attacked without warning.
"They were on us before we knew what was going on" cried Debra Shellhausen, "the vacuum robot sucked up my grandmother and my german
shepard."  The majority of the city was completely destroyed. Sheriff John Beeber said "That steamroller robot did most of the damage, he got on a roll and would not quit. I don't know how I survived". Mrs. Beeber was not as fortunate, "The robot laser got her, she put up one hell of a fight, but couldn't make it" sobbed Sheriff Beeber.

After almost 6 hours of terror, the batteries of the robots wore down and the citizens of Plainview were able to reclaim their town and assess the damage. "The town will never be the same" said Mayor Alex Gibson "the human carnage, along with the property damage is devastating". Fox Network will have the cast of it's hit show "Ally McBeal", come to the city as
a goodwill gesture towards the city. "We are really sorry for the loss of life, caused by the robots, but "Ally McBeal" will make anyone forget their
problems" Jeff Klahn commented "It's the feel-good show of the '90's".