Old Time Hockey
Leather Helmets, Wooden Pucks and Fuzzy Dice.
The goal in hockey, as in
life, is to get your hands on "The Big Shiny".
Stanley
Cup Playoff Essentials
As we
all prepare for NHL PO's, I thought I would take a moment and list some of
the essential things needed to ensure a complete and satisfying PO season
for our readers out there.
1)
First off, you of course need, the Stanley Cup playoffs. This
should go without saying but, hey, there are some people who get excited
over watching the "Jazzercise Olympics" on ESPN2.
These people are fools. It's the Stanley Cup PO's or nothing!!
2) A
huge ass TV. The bigger the better. If you can get
one of those huge projection setups that take up entire walls, do
it! If you got one, let me know where you live and I'll come over
and watch the games with you. Currently, I have to settle for
my 36' screen. Not bad but there is room for
improvement.
3)
What good is that huge
ass TV if you are a Blues fan and you are stuck with ESPN's coverage of
the Flyers/Devils series??? Don't let ESPN decide for you what game
to watch! Take control of your PO enjoyment and get DirectTV's
Center Ice Package. You'll have hockey games coming outta your
wazoo! During the 1st round of the PO's you'll will think you
have died and gone to hockey heaven (or my basement)
4) I
cannot emphasize the importance of a good hockey chair for having a good
PO experience. A good hockey chair must be comfortable enough
so you are not thinking about that spring poking you in that ass while you
miss Markus Naslund going in on a breakaway and it must also not be so
comfortable that it impedes your ability to jump up when your team scores
or the referee blows another call. A foot rest is nice but not
necessary. You can always use your cooler to prop your feet up on.
5) And
of course in that cooler mentioned above, you must have beer.
If you are watching the PO's without a beer in your hand (or in the cup
holder of your hockey chair) there is something wrong witchu.
The type of beer does not matter, Bud Light, Molson Ice,
Point. Just as long as it is beer. Listen to me on
this!! I am trying to help you out here. The PO's can be
a very stressful time and beer will help you to maintain control. (Unless
the game goes into OT. Then all bets are off! Go nuts!!)
6) Now
all that jumping up and yelling at the huge ass TV will require that you
have enough energy to make it through those 5 or 6 games you are watching
at one time. You'll also need something to soak up some of that beer
you'll be drinking or you'll be passed out halfway through the 1st period
of the 2nd game you are watching. (Then some idiot will start
drawing on you with a magic marker. You do not want a Maple Leaf
drawn on your forehead) This is where Hooter's Chicken Wings
come in. Also the Red Dye #5 sauce they put on the wings will
have you visiting your restroom about 6-7 times the next
morning. Hooters Chicken Wings: I love 'em!!!
7)
You also should have
your hockey friends over to share the PO experience, like this picture
(above) of Skippy's family shows. The Stanley Cup PO's are
like sex. It's fun by yourself but add another 2 or 3
people....... and it's fantastic!!!! The only downside to this is
that they will drink your beer, talk loudly while you are trying to hear
who got the secondary assist on the last goal and attempt to steal your
hockey chair when you go to the bathroom.
8)
To get your hockey
friends to your house, drive them over in your car decorated in a hockey
theme. Cars decorated like this are great because they usually
don't draw the attention of the police at 3:00 in the morning.
You might want to check with your wife before you do this to your family
auto.
9)
Now you really don't
need a cheesy fake Penguins goalie mask to wear while you watch The
Stanley Cup Playoffs but could you really enjoy them without one???
I didn't think so.
10)
Women in hockey jerseys
are always nice to have around, even when the PO's aren't even going
on. Again, you might want to check with the wife first on this
one.
This, of
course, is not a end-all list but it should get you started on your
way. Any other suggestions, email them to us
1)
First off, you of course need, the Stanley Cup playoffs. This
should go without saying but, hey, there are some people who get excited
over watching the "Jazzercise Olympics" on ESPN2.
These people are fools. It's the Stanley Cup PO's or nothing!!
2) A
huge ass TV. The bigger the better. If you can get
one of those huge projection setups that take up entire walls, do
it! If you got one, let me know where you live and I'll come over
and watch the games with you. Currently, I have to settle for
my 36' screen. Not bad but there is room for
improvement.
3)
What good is that huge
ass TV if you are a Blues fan and you are stuck with ESPN's coverage of
the Flyers/Devils series??? Don't let ESPN decide for you what game
to watch! Take control of your PO enjoyment and get DirectTV's
Center Ice Package. You'll have hockey games coming outta your
wazoo! During the 1st round of the PO's you'll will think you
have died and gone to hockey heaven (or my basement)
4) I
cannot emphasize the importance of a good hockey chair for having a good
PO experience. A good hockey chair must be comfortable enough
so you are not thinking about that spring poking you in that ass while you
miss Markus Naslund going in on a breakaway and it must also not be so
comfortable that it impedes your ability to jump up when your team scores
or the referee blows another call. A foot rest is nice but not
necessary. You can always use your cooler to prop your feet up on.
5) And
of course in that cooler mentioned above, you must have beer.
If you are watching the PO's without a beer in your hand (or in the cup
holder of your hockey chair) there is something wrong witchu.
The type of beer does not matter, Bud Light, Molson Ice,
Point. Just as long as it is beer. Listen to me on
this!! I am trying to help you out here. The PO's can be
a very stressful time and beer will help you to maintain control. (Unless
the game goes into OT. Then all bets are off! Go nuts!!)
6) Now
all that jumping up and yelling at the huge ass TV will require that you
have enough energy to make it through those 5 or 6 games you are watching
at one time. You'll also need something to soak up some of that beer
you'll be drinking or you'll be passed out halfway through the 1st period
of the 2nd game you are watching. (Then some idiot will start
drawing on you with a magic marker. You do not want a Maple Leaf
drawn on your forehead) This is where Hooter's Chicken Wings
come in. Also the Red Dye #5 sauce they put on the wings will
have you visiting your restroom about 6-7 times the next
morning. Hooters Chicken Wings: I love 'em!!!
7)
You also should have
your hockey friends over to share the PO experience, like this picture
(above) of Skippy's family shows. The Stanley Cup PO's are
like sex. It's fun by yourself but add another 2 or 3
people....... and it's fantastic!!!! The only downside to this is
that they will drink your beer, talk loudly while you are trying to hear
who got the secondary assist on the last goal and attempt to steal your
hockey chair when you go to the bathroom.
8)
To get your hockey
friends to your house, drive them over in your car decorated in a hockey
theme. Cars decorated like this are great because they usually
don't draw the attention of the police at 3:00 in the morning.
You might want to check with your wife before you do this to your family
auto.
9)
Now you really don't
need a cheesy fake Penguins goalie mask to wear while you watch The
Stanley Cup Playoffs but could you really enjoy them without one???
I didn't think so.
10)
Women in hockey jerseys
are always nice to have around, even when the PO's aren't even going
on. Again, you might want to check with the wife first on this
one.