boysontrl

Hey all, here�s another humor fic by BlueMew! I don�t own any of the boy bands, TRL, or Carson Daly. So don�t sue me! Rated PG-13 for some language and violence.

The crowd cheers as the lights come on. Carson Daly walks out on the TRL stage.
Carson: What�s up! I�m Carson Daly, and today on TRL, we�re not only going to count down the top ten music videos, we�ve got fifteen special guests for all our fans out there! But the best thing is, the guests don�t know who else is going to be on here with them! So first, let�s bring out O-Town!
*the crowd claps and some people start crying as Ashley, Jacob, Eric, Dan, and Trevor walk on stage*
Carson: So how are you guys?
Ashley: Man, Carson, we are so stoked to be here! It�s such an honor to be guests on TRL!
Jacob: Yeah! And we decided to do a little Q and A for all the fans out there!
*audience sits quietly*
Girl #1: Uhh.. Carson� what other guests are here today?
Carson: *glares at O-Town* Well, at number ten today, we�ve got Shakira with Wherever, Whenever.
*video plays and audience screams as video ends. O-Town is sitting quietly in the corner of the stage*
Carson: Okay, okay� we�ve got some more special guests here today. Howie! Kevin! Nick! AJ! Brian! Come on out here!
*audience screams much louder and some girls faint. Nick is mobbed by girls and the other four members of the Backstreet Boys pull him from the crowd*
Nick: Dawg! I like that!
Carson, other BSB and O-Town: *glare at Nick*
Carson: So everyone besides Nick, tell me a little bit about what you�ve been doing recently? And AJ, how are you?
AJ: *drinks from thermos* Uhh� yeah man� I�m doing just fine� Y�all gotta love sobriety�.
Nick: *grabs thermos* Dawg! You gotta let me have some a that!
Ashley: *glares at Nick* Three letters for you man� GED.
Nick: *flips his hair* I don�t have to be smart� I�m too pretty to worry about that stuff.
Ashley: *glares* I�m the pretty one of my group, and dawg, at least I�ve got some intelligence.
Nick: *drinks from thermos and spits out contents* Dude! This really IS coffee! And all this time I thought you were like sneaking in the booze!
AJ: *hits Nick* You are such a dumbass�.
Carson: So Brian or Kevin, what is new with Backstreet?
Kevin: Well Carson, we�re going to be taking a break from touring for a while, then we�re going to start work on a new album.
Brian: Yeah Carson, it�s going to be a great time during this break. I�m going to spend the entire time with Leighanne and thanking God for all the joys in my life. If I may, I�d like to quote Romans 6:23�
Nick: *whispers to AJ* What�s a GED? I�m not sure what the hell that pansy�s talking about.
AJ: *laughs as he slaps Nick�s back* Dude, you are the stupidest fuck in the whole world. I think that I�ll go with you to get that GED, just to make sure you actually go to class.
Nick: I AM NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!
*everyone stares at Nick*
Jacob: *whispers to Ashley* How can someone be that stupid?
Nick: *growls* I AM NOT STUPID! I�M BETTER LOOKING THAN ANY OF YOU HERE!
*audience screams*
Carson: Uhh� Nick, how about you go and play some basketball man. There�s a court one floor down.
Nick: *runs out screaming something about basketball*
Howie: *to Ashley* Can we trade you for him?
Ashley: *hugs Howie* OH MY GOD!!! I WOULD DIE IF I WAS A BACKSTREET BOY!!! That�s the whole reason I got involved with Making The Band!!! *hugs the rest of the BSB* I�m gonna be a Backstreet Boy!!!!
Kevin: *whispers to Brian* Maybe we should try to get Lance instead�
Brian: *nods*
Howie: Well, Ashley, we�re going to actually have a contest to replace Captain Intelligence� we�ll let you know what we decide, okay?
Ashley: *pouts* �.I wanna be a Backstreet Boy�..
Carson: *stands there speechless* Uhh� well, guys, you do realize that most of your popularity comes from Nick. *dodges a flying cue card* And at eight and seven, were Sum 41 and Janet Jackson. There�s no time to show the videos for them. Six is *glares at teleprompter* How the hell did I Want It That Way make it to number six?
*the four Backstreet Boys laugh*
AJ: We dared Nick to call in and vote for it. *drinks from thermos*
Carson: So do you just want to sing it or should we play the video?
Kevin: We�ll sing it. *motions for Ashley to join them and hands him sheet music* Sing that part right there.
Ashley: *cries* I get to be a Backstreet Boy!!!! I�ve wanted to be just like you guys since I was ten!
AJ: *hits Ashley* Just shut the fuck up and sing, bitch!
*the new BSB sing I Want It That Way, minus Ashley, who kept screwing up his part since he�s just too excited about becoming a Backstreet Boy*
Nick: *runs in panting* HEY! Why are you guys singing without me!?!
Howie: *points to O-Town* Go and sit with your other band members, Nick.
Nick: *walks over to AJ*
AJ: *pushes Nick to O-Town*
Nick: *cries* �but I�m the cute one� *sits down between Jacob and Eric*
Carson: Anyway, at number five, we have Michael Jackson�s You Rock My World. And after the video, we�re going to bring out our final guest!
*video plays, Nick cries, fangirls in the audience change their �I love the BSB� signs to �I love O-Town�*
*audience screams as video ends*
Carson: Okay, as promised, it�s time to bring out our other guest. I think this is the first time that all of the major five person boy bands have been on the same show. NSYNC! GET ON OUT HERE!
*audience screams even more, and some girls faint. Ashley starts to cry and runs over to Nick*
Ashley: I can�t believe that I�m finally meeting my idols!
Nick: *hugs Ashley* � but I�m the cute one�.
Justin: Word Carson. I just can�t believe you�d bring us out here with our rivals *spits on Brian*
Brian: *wipes of spit* Dear sweet Jesus, please bless brother Timberlake. He knows not what he does.
Justin: *tackles Brian* Is that some sort of insult, bro? �Cuz if it is, I�m gonna hafta open a can of whoop ass right here!
Brian: *closes his eyes* Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name�
Chris: *pulls Justin off of Brian* Dawg! Calm down! You�re probably going to get struck with lightning or something if you hit him!
Lance: *walks over to the crying Nick and Ashley* Nick, I�ve just got to ask you, what�s your secret? I mean, your skin, it�s just SO perfect all the time!
Ashley: *squeals* OH. MY. GOD. I was wondering the exact same thing! You�ve got to tell us Nick!
Nick: *smiles as he runs his hand through his hair* I�m SO glad someone noticed! I use a moisturizer from Bath and Body works called Sun Ripened Raspberry! And then I like to use the cucumber scrub like six times a day to keep my pores in such great condition!
Lance: *smiles* Do I detect some mascara there?
Nick: *winks* I�ll never tell�
Ashley: *grabs Lance�s hand* Where did you get your manicure!?! I�ve just got to learn all these tricks! I want to be the cute one!
Nick: *bitchslaps Ashley* You sit yo ass down there, bitch! Y�all know that I am the cute one! The original cute one. You don�t even come close, you little crack whore!
*the audience, Carson, BSB, NSync, and O-Town all stare at the three blonds in awe as the catfight between Nick and Ashley starts. There�s much hair pulling, biting, and scratching involved, and Lance somehow gets drug in to the fight*
JC: NSync! Huddle up!
*Joey, JC, Justin, and Chris huddle while Lance is still trying to kick Nick and Ashley�s asses*
JC: So should we just get rid of Lance?
Joey: Nah, man! He�s the cute one!
Justin: And you�s the fat one! *laughs*
Chris: *whispers* You know what? I bet we could take out Backstreet before they even knew what happened. Then all we�d have to do is threaten O-Town, and they�d run away crying.
Justin: *whispers* And then we�d be the only boy band� LET�S DO IT!
*NSync breaks the huddle and walks over to their appropriate counterpart in the Backstreet Boys*
JC: *punches Howie* We�ve got a score to settle here!
Justin: *hits Brian with a chair* Yeah dawg! We�re going to show the world that NSync is the only boy band worth shit out there!
Joey: *kicks Kevin* You�re just an old man! You shouldn�t even be in a boy band for God�s sake!
AJ: *throws coffee on Chris* Don�t you even think of coming close to me� I know thirteen ways to kill a man�
Chris: *puts his hands up in surrender* How about we join up with the blonds and start the ultimate boy band? I mean, with three cute ones, a bad boy, and me, well, dawg, you gotta know that the ladies will love it.
AJ: *lowers his shades* How about this? I cover you in hot coffee again, then kick NSync�s collective ass and get the fuck out of here with O-Town and my boys. You're worth shit to me man.
Chris: *screams like a girl* Guys! AJ�s gone fucked!
Nick/Ashley/Lance *now laughing and singing* We�ve got the uuuuuuuuuuuurge to herbal! We�ve got the urge! (Natural botanicals) *cheesy ass pointing and dancing* We�ve got the uuuuurge to herbal!
Nick: *singing* For another half an hour!
Lance: *singing* Gonna herbal in the shower!
Ashley: *singing* We�ve got the uuurge to herbal!
*the blonds all bow to the audience of screaming fangirls*
Ashley: Hey! We could be like 98 degrees! *gets lost in fangirl� err� fanboy mode*
*Lance and Nick look around at the brawling BSB and NSync members and the crying O-Town members*
AJ: Nick! Get your ghetto booty over here and help me kick some pansy ass!
Nick: I�VE GOT THE URGE!
Lance: *dumps a bucket of water on Nick�s head and together they start to wash his hair with Herbal Essences*
AJ: Dude! You�ve become one of the pansy asses! *walks away from the unconscious Chris and hits Nick with the frying pan of doom* Now I�m gonna have to kick both yo asses!
*Nick and Lance hug each other for fear of the maniacal AJ, who is coming straight for them*
Howie: *kicks the unconscious JC* Nick, dawg, you do realize that you�ve just crossed the line. We�re going to have to kick your ass now too.
Brian: *closes his eyes and sings* Nearer my God to thee�
Justin: *growls* Fight like a man, yo! You�s more a pansy ass than Lancene there!
Brian: *praying in a monotone voice* Sanctus domine, amo te ludiarum.
*a bolt of white lightning comes through the window and instantly disintegrates Justin*
Brian: *bows head, evil grin* Thank you Jesus. You are my savior.
Nick: *crying* You can�t hurt us! We�re the cute ones!
Lance: *crying* And I just had my nails done today� you can�t make me ruin them!
AJ: *punches Lance* MEN DO NOT GET THEIR NAILS DONE!
Nick: *kicks Howie* But dawg, you paint your nails black. Why can�t I get mine painted clear?
Howie: *hits Nick square in the nose, causing it to bleed* HE PAINTS HIS OWN NAILS! HE DOESN�T GO TO SOME SALON TO HAVE SOMEONE PET HIS PANSY ASS HANDS!
Ashley: *punches AJ* It is NOT wrong for a guy to want to look good!
Nick: *wipes the blood away, growls, and lowers voice* I�m gonna kill you, you short piece of shit! *lunges at Howie*
AJ: *pummels Ashley* Dude, you're a little to female to be male.
Lance: *runs with hands out to sides like sissy* Oh no! Run! You�re all crazy! *hissy voice*
Howie: *ducks as Nick lunges* Short shit my ass!
Nick: *runs into screaming Lance*
Lance and Nick: *duck down with asses in air*
*another bolt of white lightning comes in through window and disintegrates Joey*
Kevin: *to Brian* I think all those years of church camp finally paid off. *looks up to heaven* In Jesus name, I want to thank you for your blessings Lord. Amen.
*in a vain effort to escape, O-Town member Eric was hit with a stray bolt of holy lightning and was disintegrated also. O-Town runs back to their seats and continue crying*
Jacob: We just wanted to be like the Backstreet Boys�.
*AJ and Howie just stare at the cowering Nick and Lance, then turn to each other and laugh*
Howie: What did Will Ferrel say to me in that skit on SNL?
AJ: *laughs* I bet they would enjoy that�
*AJ and Howie continue laughing as they start kicking Nick and Lance*
Lance: *crying* I WANT MY MOMMY!
Nick: *stands up* Dawg, I�m one of you! Quit kicking me!
AJ: *hits Nick with thermos knocking him unconscious* And THAT�S for thinking that I�m still a drunk!
Lance: *faints*
AJ: *smiles* I think our work here is done.
Howie: *glares at O-Town* You wanna piece of us?
*O-Town continues crying and runs from the studio never to be heard from again*
Carson: *still dumbfounded* Well, we�re out of time for TRL today. I hope that you join us tomorrow when our guests will be Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park.
AJ: AND DON�T FORGET ABOUT US! I�M GONNA KICK YO ASS FRED DURST!
*Howie and AJ stand in front of the camera flexing and screaming insults Stone Cold style*
Carson: *sighs* When did this become the Jerry Springer show�.