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| Drinkin' 4 fun @ Colgate, with Mike Wild |
| I had a chance to sit down with Mike Wild, a freshman at Colgate University. In my candid interview with Mike, we discuss Mike's drinking experiences and opinions. |
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| Hello Mike how are you today, feeling ok? |
| Not bad a little hung over thats all. |
| Well nothing you can't handle. I'd like to start off by asking you how you feel about drinking in general? |
| These days all I seem to hear about this so called "problem drinking." I'm absolutely angered when I hear about this development in our modern times. D'you wanna know whats wrong with drinking? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!!! Think of all the positive things that we have as a result of the mere existence of alcohol. If we didn't have alcohol, we would not be as far along as we are today. |
| Wow, it seems that you think alcohol is a vital to our society? |
| O it definitly is! There are three things that make alcohol vital for the survival of our society. One, it makes us happy. Two, it makes us social, and three, everybody else is doing it. |
| So you get very happy when you drink? |
| Hell yeah! The last time I sucked down a twelve pack, I was the happiest I'd been in a long time. |
| Twelve pack not bad. You must have been rather sociable after drinking that much? |
| Yeah, I can think of this one time when I drank a whole bottle of Vodka and all of the sudden, every single person i saw wanted to talk to me. |
| So drinking causes alot of socializing at Colgate? |
| Oh Absolutely! All of the sudden boys are talking to girls; girls are talking to boys and suddenly people begining moving to assorted bedrooms, bathrooms and closets to show each other how social they really are. |
| That sounds like good clean fun to me. But, what about people who don't drink? |
| There is absolutely NOBODY who doesn't drink. Everyone in college drinks on a highly regular basis. |
| Well actually Mike I don't drink at all really. |
| LOSER! |
| True,True I am. But what would you say to those who think alcohol is bad? |
| All of those people who say alcohol is bad are plainly communists. Who would stop people from being happy? I would certainly never do anything of the sort. I would never be as low as a communist.. |
| JEESh Mike communists? Don't you think thats a little harsh man? |
| No, because trying to stop people from having a good time is clearly un-American. |
| Is there any advice that you would give to those American's out there who don't drink? |
| Do your country a favor: get a case of beer, a case of whiskey and an American flag. Go out and excercise your rights to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness through drunkenness. |
| Thanks Mike, this has been precious. |
| Hey, it was no problem DJ Roblimbo! |
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| ROB |
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