Me

This is the place where I'm supposed to tell you about my boring and crummy life; where I'm supposed to shed some light into this dark and mysterious mind that has chosen to put a purple background on his webpage; who poses with wooden indians and compares his friends to various characters...

I had to write an essay about myself not to long ago (I don't mean I HAD to... it was assigned to me and I chose to do it, not only because I needed it to get a good grade but also because it sounded like something fun to do). I started the essay off like this:

So, you want to know who I am. I could give you a clearer picture of that If I knew the answer to it myself.

You see... I have no idea who I am. I change too much to ever give a definite description of me. I can tell you about the Ryan that existed when I start writing a sentence, but that Ryan won't be there by the time I finish it.

He won't exist anymore.

Maybe he never really existed.

I went hiking a couple weeks ago to the most beautiful place. I had seen it before from the highway, and was always curious as to how to get there. I decided to set off one day into the hills to try and find it. It was harder than I expected. Three hours later, I reached this place (which I am returning to soon to get pictures... I'll post them). I won't describe it now, words wouldn't do it justice. When I post them, I'll let the pictures show you. Let me just say that I only could think of one name for it: "Heaven".

Then I saw the sign.

In short, it said that, by this time next year, there will be apartment buildings all over my new-found paradise.

I cried for hours.

I talk to my dog, sometimes she talks back. Her name is Biscut.

I sail, though not as much as I'd like to.

I am a diehard environmentalist, though I think anything short of sudden human extinction will fall far short of "saving the world."

I read... and damn do I ever read. 3 books a week sometimes.

My family is insane... but I still love them a lot. My uncle Shawn (the most sane out of all of them, by far) is the coolest guy I know. He's Jimmy Buffet's "pirate". He sails, he paints, he sings, he plays guitar, he drinks, he surfs and most of all... he lives. That's the most important thing of all. Most people die... they spend every day of their lives preparing for death. He's different.

My best friend died when I was thirteen. It was partially my fault. And so it goes...

I go to a junior college, though I will be transfering to a California State University next fall. I am going to be an English major (or maybe philosophy... or maybe both). I want to teach. I also want to live. I plan to spend only one day of my life dying, and that will be the last day of my life.

I write, though not very well (see for yourself, head on over to the writings page) My poetry is ghastly, cheesy, sappy, and full of cliches. My fiction is somewhat decent, though I never end up proud of it. My nonfiction is my best work (though I like writing the other two genres much more)

Music has always been there for me. Check out my quotes page... I've got a lot of my favorite music quotes in there.

I'm an emotional masochist and a hopeless romantic. I cried at Titanic. I tend to develop emotional attachments towards people who I know I will never have a chance with. As a result, I've never really had a successful relationsip. Don't get me wrong... I've had relationships... but they always turned out disasterous. And so it goes...

I drink hard liquor for the sole purpose of getting drunk. It's not a social thing at all. I think that means I'm an alcoholic. I keep myself in check... when I think I'm drinking too much, I stop.

I had a drug addiciton problem... not a real serious one though. I don't use drugs anymore. I don't think I ever will again.

The greatest time I have ever had was on psilocybelic mushrooms. Thought they are so bad for you, I think everyone should do them... once

I guess I could be called an agnostic (for more on this, check out my chapter 4 philosophy paper I have posted in my nonficiton writings) . My closest religious affiliation would have to be Zen... though I am by no means a Buddhist.

I'm the quiet guy who always sits in the back and never talks unless directly talked to. I'm not complaining about it... it's a conscious choice I make.

I don't complain.

I am a good person.