Abbey1

A good philosopher is one who does not take ideas seriously.

The more fantastic an ideology or theology, the more fanatic its adherents.

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages - As if the savages weren't dangerous enough already

Reason has seldom failed us because it has seldom been tried

Whatever we cannot easily understand we call God; this saves much wear and tear on the brain tissues.

Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.

Jesus don't walk on water no more; his feet leak.

Preacher to me: "A dollar for the lord, brother?" Me to preacher: "That's all right, I'm headed his way. I'll give it to him when I see him."

Only a fool is astonished by the foolishness of mankind

When I hear the word "culture" I reach for my checkbook.

From the point of view of a tapeworm, man was created by God to serve the appetite of the tapeworm.

What's the difference between the Lone Ranger and God? There really is a Lone Ranger.

In my case, saving the world was only a hobby.

The gurus come from the sickliest nation on earth to tell us how to live. And we pay them for it.

My cousin spent seven years as an IBM taper staring at THINK signs on the walls before he finally got a good idea: he quit.

Fantastic doctrines (like Christianity or Islam or Marxism) require unanimity of belief. One dissenter casts doubt on the creed of millions. Thus the fear and hate; thus the torture chamber, the iron stake, the gallows, the labor camp, the psychiatric ward.

Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination.

The absurd vanity of metaphysicians who like to imagine that they create the world by thinking about it.

The world is older and bigger than we are. This is a hard truth for some to swallow.

I always write with my .357 magnum handy. Why? Well you never know when God may try to interfere.

I do not believe in personal immortality; it seems to unnecessary. Show me one man who deserves to live forever

This world may be only an illusion - but it's the only illusion we've got.

Is a mirage real? Well, it's a real mirage.

Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion.

A man without passion would be like a body without a soul. Or even more grotesque, like a soul without a body

There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California.

I believe in nothing that I cannot touch, kiss, embrace... the rest is only hearsay

I would never betray a friend to serve a cause. Never reject a friend to help an institution. Great nations may fall in ruin before I would sell a friend to save them.

Beware of the man who has no enemies.

There are two kinds of people I cannot abide: bigots and any well-organized ethnic group.

Fire lookout, 1400 hours, ferocious lightning storm. Me and God. That fucker is trying to get me again, God damn him. But I got my old .357.

There is nothing so obscene and depressing as an American Christmas.

Cold morning on Aztec Peak Fire Lookout. First, build a fire in the old stove. Second, start coffee. Then, heat up last night's pork chops and spinach for breakfast. Why not? And why the hell not?

No man is wise enough to be another man's master. Each man is as good as the next.

A patriot must be ready to defend his country against his government.

All forms of government are pernicious, including good government.