TRUST
is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is
broken,
it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to
suspicion,
suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity
may
result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.
She
answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She
repeated,
"PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to
cut
off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got
the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose
number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if
the
telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of
"PUB".
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NO
POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful
marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her
shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that
because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better
husband than
you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of
losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to
find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should
always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four
fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
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CREATING
PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested
"I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one."
The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good
looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and
dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my
leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need
companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The
officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need
television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife
and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the
husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples
are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect
relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake
up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
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NO
OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or
demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and
their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not
the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is
easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse
character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..
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RIGHT
SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will
either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of
wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget
mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it
would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker
who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to
date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband
teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a
construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you
married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.
It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
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PERSONAL
PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another
man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy
commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the
donkey? "Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey.
He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The
husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the
husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the
husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can
the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they
met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the
weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband
and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their
shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was
frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You
can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in
the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..
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BE
PATIENT
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home
to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily
hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son,
knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment.
When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally
had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up
from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "
Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my
fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed
suicide.
Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to
take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love.
Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too
often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the
performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take
while in a rage will haunt us forever.