Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own DBZ…I don’t own a monkey either…

 

I got the idea for this fic a while ago while I was still working on Project 109, I wanted to write a comedy fic but I didn’t want to stray too far from the lemon category since that’s what I’m good at writing, so we have here my first romantic comedy and I promise you all that I’m going to make this my best story yet! The funny parts don’t really happen until Vegeta goes into heat and gets flirtatious though! Thanks and please remember to review!

A special thanks to Lady Daemon for helping me to come up with the idea behind this!

WARNING: This fanfic contains lemon content, OOC-ness for Vegeta and Bulma and completely unrealistic and obviously fabricated humour that I have twisted for my own personal amusement. Have fun!  Oh, and as always please remember that I am Australian and therefore I spell things differently to you Americans!

 

~*~

 

“Damn it!!” Bulma brought her finger to her mouth and sucked at the tiny cut, her blue eyes glaring icily at the offending bit of wire that had sliced open her finger. “That’s it! You’re going down Mr. Wire.” She raised the wire snipper and snipped off an inch of the long copped wire, watching with malicious eyes as the miniscule piece of wire fell to the floor and was crunched by her boot.

“Well, you sure showed him.” The mocking voice came from behind her unexpectedly and Bulma resisted the urge to turn and glare at Vegeta who was lounging against the doorframe. “I know I’m scared.” She could feel his eyes watching her as she returned to her work with dignity.

Bulma successfully ignored his presence as she returned to putting in some of the crucial wiring for the navigation system of the space capsule. How did he sneak aboard? I’ll have to remember to lock the door next time…red-to-red…orange-to-orange…blue-to-white…NO…Blue-to-blue…white-to-white…green-to…

Bulma paused as she stared at the four remaining wires that appeared, to her eyes at least, to be all of the same colour. This wasn’t good… “Oh-oh…” Bulma intoned, looking sheepish.

“What is it now woman?” She felt, rather then saw Vegeta saunter up behind her. He lent over her and the heat of his aura almost burnt against hers, Bulma shifted away from him and wrinkled her nose.

“I can’t tell which of these wires go to which, can you tell?” She shifted over slightly again so that Vegeta could see… not prepared when Vegeta moved next to her, almost bumping her out of the way.

“Err…that one goes to…that one.” Vegeta pointed at the wire in her fingers and randomly at another wire.

“Are you sure?” She squinted at the wires then looked suspiciously at Vegeta. He looked at her blandly so with a shrug she wired them together. “I guess you can see better then me, but I hope you’re right though because if this isn’t the correct wiring you’re going to have absolutely no control over your navigation system.” She wired the remaining two wires together and took a step back to admire her handiwork.

“Of course I’m sure woman, now how long till I can leave?” Vegeta snapped at her as he moved away, annoyed at Bulma’s condescending tone. “I want to leave this God forsaken mud ball as soon as possible.”

Bulma tossed her hair and shrugged. “I don’t know how long Vegeta…maybe you can leave tomorrow morning; maybe you’ll have to wait a week.” She lowered her voice and muttered under her breath. “As soon as possible if I have anything to do with it.”

“A week?” Vegeta chose to ignore her last comment and grumbled as he stomped out, muttering about the insolence and stupidity of human females. The door to the space pod closed behind him with a bang and Bulma crossed her arms with a huff.

“Stupid saiyan.” She ground her teeth and stared at the hundreds of tiny little circuit boards and delicate wires that she’d already spent two weeks replacing. This ship was like her baby now, and she didn’t want to give it up to anybody, especially not to Vegeta. Of course it wasn’t like she had much choice – it was ether make him a ship or put up with his endless whining. “Damn!” Bulma murmured as she realised she didn’t have the correct tools to finish fixing the console, with a shrug she tossed her pliers aside and decided that the console could wait before she completed it. It seemed like far too much work to walk all the way to the house for a few tools.

Bulma replaced the top of the console and packed up her tools, carefully placing them to the side of the room and out of the way of Vegeta who had ‘accidentally’ stepped on her tools many a time when she had left them lying carelessly around. Then with a yawns she stood up and stretched; bed time, she decided, sleep was good…Bulma took a step towards the door, then let out a high pitched squeak as her foot hit the inch of wire she had snipped off before and her ankle twisted sideways.

Bulma lurched sideways, her head hitting the corner of the console and knocking her out cold. With a small moan Bulma fell to the ground and slid across the polished floor, her body coming to rest in a crumpled heap beside her toolbox.

 

~*~

 

Vegeta strode out the door of Capsule Corp towards his space ship that the annoying woman had been working on. He paused at the door but heard no noise from inside it. Shrugging he strode the rest of the way in; if the woman wasn’t here then she was most likely inside sleeping. The saiyan prince paused by the console she had been replacing yesterday; it looked like it was finished now. He glanced about the room but saw nothing other then the woman’s toolbox and a pile of rags on the floor.

Maybe the woman was finished and he could leave…

His obsidian eyes slid back to the console, or rather they slid back to the large green button that rested in the middle of the console. Vegeta had a secret; he was a natural born button pusher! He looked around the room again, and then once again his eyes returned to look at the green button.

It was big.

It was green.

It was a button.

His gloved hand hovered over the button as he deliberated his dilemma. On one hand he had a button he could push, on the other the console might not be fixed yet. Vegeta bit his lip and tried to fight it as his hand began to descend to the button. Closer and closer…

“Huh? What the…? What happened? Where…? Vegeta? No!” What Vegeta had though was a pile of rags sat up just as Vegeta pushed the big green button. A roaring sound filled the space ship as the atmospheric thrusters engaged and the space ship blasted off. Both Bulma and Vegeta scrambled for the single chair in the middle of the room.

Vegeta got their first and strapped himself in.

“You bastard! Get out of that chair!” Bulma shrieked and tried unsuccessfully to move the strapped in saiyan Prince.

“Are you mad woman? I’m not moving!” Vegeta grabbed the woman’s wrist and tried unsuccessfully to pry her off him. “Go find another chair to strap into!”

“This is the only chair you…you…you chair thieving thief!” Bulma groaned and sank to her knees as the ship blasted higher and the G force began to affect her.

“Damn it, woman!” Vegeta huffed, easily reaching down and pulling Bulma securely into his arms despite the high gravity. Bulma only mumbled something incoherent, but very nasty sounding, into his chest as she held on tightly.

Very slowly the ship fought free of the atmosphere and gravity lessened until they were in zero gravity. Vegeta let go of Bulma and she pushed away from him with an indignant look and a; “bastard!”

“Oh, come on woman, admit it, you loved it…” Vegeta looked horrified at what he had said and covered his mouth with his hands, hoping and praying the woman hadn’t heard him.

“What did you just say?” Bulma tried to turn around but instead accidentally sent herself careening into a wall. “Ooof! Computer engage normal gravity!”

“Woman I wouldn’t…” Vegeta tried to say more when the computer interrupted him.

“Gravity Engaged.”

Bulma squealed as she fell to the floor with a thump. “Ow! That hurt.”

“I did try to warn you.” Vegeta unstrapped himself and stood up. “Now why was it that you looked so horrified when we blasted off?”

“Because I haven’t fixed the navigation system yet you idiot!” She pulled herself up off the floor and glared at Vegeta. “I knocked myself out last night before I could return to the house to get the right tools.”

“So fix it now.” Vegeta shrugged.

“You’re not listening to me!” Bulma glared at him as though he was an idiot. “I said I knocked myself out before I could get the right tools, in other words Mr. High ‘N’ Mighty Saiyan Prince, we’re totally screwed.”

Vegeta’s mouth dropped open. “Are you trying to tell me woman that we have no control over where we’re going and that we can’t fix the problem?”

Bulma turned away and didn’t bother to dignify that with an answer. “I’m going to go lie down and try to think of some way I can fix the consol. I would suggest that you stay away from me.”

“Or what?” Vegeta’s eyes flashed and Bulma glared right back.

“Or this…” She took a deep breath and let out the loudest, shrillest scream she could muster.

Vegeta shrieked in return and dropped to the floor holding his ears. “Aaaaaah! My ears! My ears!” He groaned as his sensitive ear drums threatened to burst.

Bulma stopped screaming and nodded to herself, that’d show him to oppose the might of the beautiful brainy Bulma!

~*~

 

“Bulma!” Vegeta yelled as he rapped on the door and entered the room, ignoring Bulma’s mutters for him to keep away. “We have another problem.”

“What now, Vegeta?” She raised her head and tried to glare at him but couldn’t seem to muster enough hatred to do it; depression had sapped all her energy. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to fix that console, she was doomed to be stuck in a ship with Vegeta for all eternity…or until they flew into a sun and died.

Both thoughts were equally depressing.

“I’m going into…mamain mayaing sasasn.” Vegeta mumbled the last few words so incoherently that Bulma wasn’t able to make any of it out.

“Huh? You’re going into what? Denial? Trust me Vegeta we’re on the brink of Hell, nothing can possibly make this situation any worse then it is.”

“Believe me woman,” Vegeta glared at her coldly. “This is going to make it worse.”

“Fine Vegeta, what’s wrong?” Bulma rolled her eyes, sure that the situation was as bad as it could be.

“I’m going into…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, God this is so embarrassing! “Saiyan Mating Season.”

Bulma stared at him; horrified. “There is no God.”

 

~*~